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To help? Or is other friend right?

(9 Posts)
Sister77 Mon 08-Dec-14 18:32:50

I have a friend of a friend who is in an abusive relationship (physically, sexually, emotionally and economically).
She has 2 DC 3&5
She moved to the UK from her home country and where her kids were born to here, her husbands home country.
I have been asked if I will let her do a couple of hours cleaning for a very minimal wage so she can gather money to get out and go home. A few of us have been asked but don't know the full story.
One of our friends who has also been asked and has gone mad and said she is robbing the state, she wants to deprive her partner of the kids, the kids of a decent upbringing in the UK and we shouldn't entertain this. Ideally I would like to buy her and her kids the flight home but couldn't afford it.
What do MN think?
I don't want to give further information due to the nature of her problem so have changed a few identifying details as you never know.

ladeedad Mon 08-Dec-14 18:44:49

I think you should contact Women's Aid on her behalf.

SpringBreaker Mon 08-Dec-14 18:54:44

Let her do a couple of hours cleaning, and have a chat with her and offer her some help in getting herself out of the terrible situation that she is in.

notagainffffffffs Mon 08-Dec-14 18:57:49

How much does she need? I mean, how long would it takw her to save it all up?

Poppet1974 Mon 08-Dec-14 19:23:11

I'd let her do a few hours cleaning, I'd feel very sorry for someone who is in such a situation and help where I could. Poor girlsad
Your friend sounds horrid if you don't mind me saying so!

Marylou2 Mon 08-Dec-14 20:00:34

I'd just give her whatever money you can afford and forget about the cleaning unless you're prepared to pay at least mimimum wage and ensure it's all above board and legal.Any thing less would be exploiting someone in a vulnerable position.

Sister77 Tue 09-Dec-14 08:33:11

I think the cleaning is a pride thing. She doesn't want something for nothing (though I think her situation is desperate).
Poppet I agree. But I don't know how much of the situation she knows.
I don't want to go behind Her back and speak to woman's aid and cause further problems.
The kids were reported to SS from pre school (don't know why or who) and from what I know it all looked like happy families but the aftermath for her was awful.
She rings her family from friends houses as she isn't allowed to call them.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Tue 09-Dec-14 08:36:44

I'd ditch the other friend, they sound like a complete arsehole. Of course you should try and help in whatever way your poor friend will accept.

owlonabike Tue 09-Dec-14 08:48:03

I would try and persuade her to contact Women's Aid for advice or let you do so on her behalf. I would support her as much as I could, financially, emotionally and practically.

Just had a horrible thought. She needs to be really careful about approaching people for support. Is there any possibility that the righteously indignant woman would go so far as to inform on your friend to her husband?

I hope your friend finds a way out of this horrible situation.

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