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Aibu to walk out of work because I need to self harm?

(29 Posts)
Nonameisgoodname Mon 08-Dec-14 14:04:10

I've name changed for this (Balonz, snails eating each other etc). If you guess who I am, don't out me please.

I've been trying to not do it. I've tried the coping mechanisms. I'm in work, but could leave, do it, and be back within 45 minutes. Maybe even 30. My work is quiet, no one would notice and we do flexible time anyway.

Enough of me knows it's not the greatest plan I've had, but I don't know what other options there are right now. I can't do it here.

WeirdCatLady Mon 08-Dec-14 14:07:01

The fact that you haven't just gone home and done it suggests to me that you don't really want to do it (IYSWIM).

Is it worth making an appt to see your gp?

SunnyBaudelaire Mon 08-Dec-14 14:07:51

or you could try the mental health walk in clinic at the Maudsley

Nonameisgoodname Mon 08-Dec-14 14:09:29

The logical bit of me can say that both I'm being ridiculous posting it and having not gone, but the other part is getting more and more anxious because i don't know what else to do.

Gp knows I think, am on anti depressants. I've done it since a teenager so it's seen as a long term thing and doctors unsure how best to do anything, it seems.

Nonameisgoodname Mon 08-Dec-14 14:10:09

Maudesley is in London, isn't it? But far sadly.

ithoughtofitfirst Mon 08-Dec-14 14:15:12

Are you on the waiting list or getting any therapy? Have you tried self books? Could you distract yourself with something really consuming until the urge passes? I've never self harmed as such but only CBT helped with the terrible anxiety. Antidepressants only helped me so far.

trashcanjunkie Mon 08-Dec-14 14:18:46

Can I ask what type of self harming you would do? I have in the past self harmed, and completely understand your need to, and have also had urges to self harm since, when under massive stress. The things that have helped me not to have been talking very explicitly about what I wanted to do. I have a friend who also harmed in the past and she swears by drawing the images in her mind.

Nonameisgoodname Mon 08-Dec-14 14:18:57

I have a counsellor who specialises in rape and sexual abuse and stuff like that. We don't really talk about this though.

I haven't tried books before, but can usually distract myself or do something else to make the feeling go away. I'm pretty sure I haven't been focused at work for a few hours because it's all I can think about yep, I know it sounds mad

SunnyBaudelaire Mon 08-Dec-14 14:19:51

I have a friend who self harms by cutting his arms.
He finds that pinging an elastic band around his wrist really helps.

Nonameisgoodname Mon 08-Dec-14 14:20:23

I want to cut. I don't think I can talk too openly about it here, because it might be seen as giving vulnerable people ideas, or something. I can visualise what to use and where to do it, but that makes me want to do it more.

Nonameisgoodname Mon 08-Dec-14 14:21:30

I've got a rubber band and a glow stick as they are good to crack.

Nancy66 Mon 08-Dec-14 14:27:33

is it about anger and frustration or wanting to experience the pain?

If the former is there anything else you can do? go somewhere and scream loudly?

Nonameisgoodname Mon 08-Dec-14 14:30:12

It's fear. There has been a situation where I felt afraid and now can't calm myself down well enough. So anger at myself. I've tried stomping about and that sort of thing and screaming silently.

Nancy66 Mon 08-Dec-14 14:31:15

is there a helpline you can call?
What about the Samaritans.

Nonameisgoodname Mon 08-Dec-14 14:32:51

I have text them. Can't call, too many people about. It's quiet here, but not quiet enough.

SunnyBaudelaire Mon 08-Dec-14 14:33:17

yes try the samaritans they are always there to talk to.

QweenCnut Mon 08-Dec-14 14:33:19

Can you ice dive at work? Just your face.

Nonameisgoodname Mon 08-Dec-14 14:36:08

No ice, but I've done a lot of running my hands under cold water and standing my radiators, that sort of thing. At 3pm I have to go and be professional, and should finish by 430 so can go home then, and can call if it hasn't passed by then

StripedOss Mon 08-Dec-14 14:38:07

have you tried the elastic band on the wrist? if you ping it hard enough it might just relieve the 'itch' long enough?

Nonameisgoodname Mon 08-Dec-14 14:39:14

Yep. Am pinging and getting odd looks from everyone else

SunnyBaudelaire Mon 08-Dec-14 14:39:44

keep pinging noname

SaucyJack Mon 08-Dec-14 14:40:50

Don't do it. Just keep hanging in there and the anxiety will pass in time.

Go and do some really intense work for twenty minutes, then re-evaluate how you feel.

QweenCnut Mon 08-Dec-14 14:41:06

keep going noname, sod what anyone thinks

Nonameisgoodname Mon 08-Dec-14 14:41:55

I realised I had been pinging into my clothes, but it works better when just doing it onto skin. So feeling a bit calmer now. Thank you.

Nonameisgoodname Mon 08-Dec-14 16:32:57

Thanks for the wisdom earlier, home from work, all is well.

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