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To feel like this was stolen from me

(13 Posts)
dogscatsandbabies Mon 08-Dec-14 13:43:18

DD2 is 8 months. I return to work after Christmas so started moving from breast to bottle about 6 weeks ago. She's been having the odd bottle when I've been unavailable from 4 weeks old and never had a problem taking it.

I'd weaned to the point that she was only taking one feed a day from me, first thing in the morning. Then last week she started getting fussy about taking the bottle and on Thursday and Friday refused it all together. Worried she was dehydrated (takes a bit from a cup with meals but not enough to sustain her), I tried to feed her a couple of times but a) i didn't really have enough milk and b) it only made bottle refusal worse.

DP and I discussed it and decided that I would have to fully stop the breast feeds so she gets the message that she needs to drink from the bottle. I agree whole heartedly that this was the right decision but I now feel totally gutted that it wasn't my choice to stop feeding.

She is fine today btw, has taken 2 bottle feeds without issue after a real fight over the weekend! Constipated tho, which I'm putting down to lack of fluids.

Am I just being a sentimental fool that i didn't get to choose when to do 'the last feed'?

SuperLoveFuzz Mon 08-Dec-14 13:49:35

I know exactly how you feel! DD was mix fed but mainly BF from birth and I gradually cut down to one feed at about 7 months. I had to stop earlier than I would have liked because I just could not get her to stop biting. I remember feeling so gutted and a bit guilty. The 'stolen from me' feeling is exactly how I felt. Breastfeeding was such a huge part of me and DD's relationship and it was hard to let it go.
The feeling you've got will pass.

Unclearpath Mon 08-Dec-14 14:18:37

Been there, OP. Nothing but flowers

Bettercallsaul1 Mon 08-Dec-14 14:36:32

I sympathise completely, OP. Breastfeeding is about so much more than nutrition - it's a fulfilling, bonding experience with your baby and lovely for both of you. It's not surprising you are upset to give it up before going back to work and also for it to have ended so abruptly.

However, just remind yourself that establishing her on the bottle in good time before you start working was the best thing for her. It would have been very difficult for her to still be dependent on breast feeds when you weren't available to give them. As to the "last feed", the exact time of it wouldn't have made any difference to her at all since she would have had no understanding of it. Keep assuring yourself that you have done the very best thing for your baby in the circumstances!

Marylou62 Mon 08-Dec-14 14:41:23

my DS2 is 17...fed him till nearly 3 and still miss it...not the gut wrenching feeling...just miss it...get a bit choked when I see a BF mum...I would have been a wet nurse 100 years ago!! Hugs for you...

LumpenproletariatAndProud Mon 08-Dec-14 14:45:39

I stopped breastfeeding mine a few months ago and he was 3.

It was totally my choice and I still miss it like mad!

OP YANBU, not at all.

Its making me want to get my boobs out and feed just writing about it.
Silly thing is, Ds misses it too, often tells me how sad he isn't that he can't have them. But there's no latch, no milk and its well and truly over.

Its not easy sometimes.

Bettercallsaul1 Mon 08-Dec-14 14:46:51

would have been a wet nurse 100 years ago grin

HerrenaHarridan Mon 08-Dec-14 15:01:46

There is I biological change that happens when you stop feeding that is similar to post birth and can trigger something a little like pnd.

Fwiw dd self weaned at 1 year, I had no idea it was happening till it had happened. For ages I felt gutted that I couldn't remember her last feed, it was just a routine non event.
Even though realistically it couldn't have worked out any more ideally that it did I still felt bereft

DoJo Mon 08-Dec-14 15:08:05

I know the feeling - I started expressing instead of directly feeding my son temporarily when he bit me so hard I cried, and then he tried cow's milk once to see if he would take it and he never looked back. So his last feed ended in him biting me and me shouting in pain, which wasn't quite the last memory I would have chosen! However, seeing him thrive and knowing that he was happy to make that decision for himself did help me come to terms with it as I wanted him to be happy with it, so hopefully you will feel the same in time.

SpecialHandsMummy Mon 08-Dec-14 15:16:31

I was in the situation where my 10mo dd1 would not take anything from either a bottle or cup. And I was going back to work - it was extremely stressful. Although I understand your feelings about stopping, it will be one less worry for you going back to work.

GotToBeInItToWinIt Mon 08-Dec-14 15:18:39

This was pretty much exactly what happened with us. I started mix feeding as I had to go away for a few nights when DD was 5 months. We stuck with the mix feeding because she seemed to sleep better and because it gave me a much needed break. However after a few weeks she started fussing at the bottle and when I then put her to the breast at these times my supply had dwindled. We decided to stop breast feeding as the mix feeding seemed to be confusing her and obviously she needed milk. My choice would have been to continue with the bed time and morning feeds by breast for much longer and I almost felt like the choice had been taken from me, which is silly really as I probably could have persevered with increasing my supply again. She's 13 months now and I don't think about it anymore, she's still happy and health and thriving.

dogscatsandbabies Mon 08-Dec-14 16:03:07

So great to know I'm not the only one!

Unclearpath Mon 08-Dec-14 17:59:35

Definitely not the only one. I made a misinformed choice which cut our feeding short at just over a yr. I wanted it to be a mutual choice. I sobbed for two solid weeks. I still really miss it 2+ yrs on.

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