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AIBU?

To Tell her the Truth

15 replies

TooHasty · 08/12/2014 09:58

My DD4 has been at the same huge dance school for 6 years (she is nearly 10). She practises this style of dancing 3 times a week and I pay £90 a month for this..There are 20 all together in DDs class in 3 different tiers depending on ability.The top tier practises 3 times a week and the others twice a week.They typically do about 4 comps a year (which you dance individually for) and 2 shows which are a group routine.
They have a new instructor who has come from a different club with her 2 daughters and 4 other girls.The trouble is she is only really interested in her own kids and to a lesser extent the other 4 (her friends kids)

With the old instructor they all did a group routine in shows which was great.When the new teacher came she changed things so that the new 6 were at the front all the time and the others were off stage or very much in the background doing things any primary school aged child could do!.They have just started working on the next show and it is clear that it is going to be the same.My DD says she doesn't want to do it.It involves lots of extra rehearsals and £££ for costumes entry fees etc .The instructor has asked why.I am tempted to tell her the truth, but I know she will take it badly.WWYD?

OP posts:

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londonrach · 08/12/2014 10:01

Tell her the truth but in a nice way as if this is her business she needs to know. Is there another class your dd can go to?

NickiFury · 08/12/2014 10:03

I would completely tell her the truth and I probably still wouldn't let dd go back after I had. She doesn't sound like she has much self awareness so might be a bit unpleasant after being told.

Nux · 08/12/2014 10:05

If she has asked why then yes, I would tell her. You can be tactful and say something like 'previous shows have involved all the children fully in big group routines and that's what she enjoyed' It may be that the new instructor is just used to doing shows that have "main roles" and "support" and hasn't thought about doing something that involves everyone equally?

Rhymerocket · 08/12/2014 10:05

I can't believe u have to think about this! Tell her the truth! You are paying £90 a month for this. If your daughter isn't being taught as she should be move her and tell them why! How awful for your daughter to put all this work in all these years and now feel so dejected she wants to quit! Tell that doll she needs to sort it out!

GoodboyBindleFeatherstone · 08/12/2014 10:05

I'd tell her the truth, but I'd make a point of saying that it's the perception. Then she can deny it, but you can stress that it's how she's coming across, iyswim.

EWAB · 08/12/2014 13:47

Make sure you get a new dance school though for your lovely daughter. It is so easy to give up something because of one bad experience. If she gives up dancing this unprofessional woman will have spoiled her love of dance for ever.

Quitelikely · 08/12/2014 13:51

Tell her straight. It's how it looks to you and for that reason you are off to spend your money elsewhere.

Vitalstatistix · 08/12/2014 13:54

Yes, tell her the truth. She has asked, so why lie? She needs to understand what she is doing and how people feel about it. She can then choose whether or not she wants to change. You aren't doing her any favours by lying to her.

Summerisle1 · 08/12/2014 14:07

Yes, you do need to tell her the truth. There are ways of doing this that needn't cause grief but certainly, say that your dd won't be taking part in this production because of your perception that there seems to be a certain amount of favouritism going on. You could then add that many others in the group aren't being given the opportunity to perform at the level they are capable of.

Given what you are paying for these classes, I see no point in being righteously upset but saying nothing.

DeWee · 08/12/2014 14:28

I've had very similar situation with a dance school my dc had done for up to 10 years.
Of mine: The first pulled out a year ago, then next pulled out last term, and the last is probably pulling out now, and I'm going elsewhere.

I haven't said anything because she will just deny it. I doubt she even realises that she's doing it. If you say "the perception is" that gives her the opportunity to deny it too. It's very obvious, even at watchweek, but I suspect if you challenged, each decision would be backed up with a "because".

A lot of it is very subtle-things like repeating the dance from the bit that just happens to start where her lot have their solo, and she then spends 15 minutes concentrating on that with nothing for the others to do.
Having choreographed a whole dance for the others she said to my youngest at watch week "just do some jumps or something". Um... yep... I think I could do that myself at home.

The only thing is, is your new instructor owning the classes or has she got someone over her? If it's the latter, it might be as well to talk to them and say "the perception is... they're always at the front... get the best bits... etc" if it's something factual, like being always at the front, then it can be come and observed and potentially challenged by the owner, that is going to have more effect that a parent saying-which the best instructors will have some parents that complain that their child is being descriminated against whenever they're not given the best position.

TooHasty · 08/12/2014 14:59

sadly, the teacher hasn't taken this well at all and is alluding to the fact that she is going to demote dd to a lower tier.She is an employee brought in to run this particular section, not an owner.I think in all honesty she can't even see what she is doing-but everyone else can :-(

OP posts:

HamPortCourt · 08/12/2014 15:28

Then I would speak to the owners and tell them graphically why you are moving DD to a dance school where there is no nepotism/favouritism and you will know things are being handled fairly.

TrendStopper · 08/12/2014 16:16

She is demoting your dd because you told her the truth?!

You need to send a letter to the owners explaining exactly what you have said here. The instructor will presumably be getting a wage no matter how many kids are there but the owners will be losing money if people started leaving.

Vitalstatistix · 08/12/2014 18:12

I think you need to let the employer know what is going on.

Nativity3 · 08/12/2014 18:18

Get other mums to say the same. She may take more notice if there are a lot more of you saying it. Can dd move to a different class with a different teacher?

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