to think my husband is wrong here?(14 Posts)
Dh buys a new camera about a year ago. Takes millions of photos on it. (In the 20 years we have been together I have done all photography, all going through memory cards, choosing which to print out, printing them out, putting them in albums etc.) This year he gets round to going through his pics - about 7000 of them. Many of birds and animals (keen on wildlife) and loads taken using the option that takes a photo every milli-second.
I've been asking him to do it for ages so I can go through them and find photos for Xmas calendars. So he finally does it the last two weeks then I go through them fir a final check/delete. He gave me the last memory card last night and asked me to go through it today as he wants to get it printed out. I pointed out I had been asking him to do it for ages and why should he expect me to do it instantly. He got shirty: why is it his job to go through all the pics? I took some too! I pointed out I had done it all for years and he said 'Oh, you always turn everything back round like that.' Then sulked.
Also, I said the other day, Oh we need to write Christmas cards soon. he said, 'yes you do'. I called him on it and he basically said that since I'd been doing them for years, why didn't I carry on? So I said he could do his own family and friends.
Then last night in the middle of our camera card discussion, he said, 'How would you like it if I went on all the time, I earn all the money, I earn all the money?' which I was really upset about. A, I work FT too now the dc are older. B, I keep telling him to take it easy, we don't need all the money he earns. C, it has fuck all to do with what we were arguing about and D, it made me think that he EXPECTS me to do all the wife work and Christmas and EVERYTHING, just because he's the main breadwinner! What a twat.
Sorry this is so long. So, AIBU?? Where do we go from here?
Have you pointed out the lack of logic? You should do the Christmas cards because you have always done them and you should do the photos because he has always done them...
You both need to sit down and have a grown up and non accusatory discussion about how jobs in your family are allocated. He doesn't get to insist on the status quo, you don't get to insist he picks up things you drop (he can decide not to write Christmas cards fi). (This works best if you both start by acknowledging and appreciating all the things the other has done in the past, rather than saying they weren't necessary in the first case <experience speaking>).
Other people's petty arguments are really dull, I need to stop reading mumsnet and do some work.
Either you were both tired and grumpy and having a petty argument or you have both lost all respect for each other and need to either work on your relationship or reassess whether you are meant to be together.
Either way, Merry Christmas
Actually yes - previous posters are quite right about this being nothing more than a petty spat. It's not a LTB issue - not by a long shot. As for your strange question "Where do we go from here?" - I don't know but I would advise NOT going to the solicitor's office just yet. Try talking like grown ups?
II can't begin to understand why on earth you are trawling through 7000 photographs taken by someone else! I'm a photographer and there's no way I'd want DH randomly selecting my best images, let alone wasting a fortune on printing out albums that'll mainly collect dust.
So for starters, let your DH sort out the pictures he's taken and you do similarly for the ones you took. That's nothing at all to so with "wife's work" but everything to do with common sense. Why on earth should anyone want to be editing and printing someone else's photography unless they happen to be a photo lab!
Also, if you want him to help with the Christmas cards then just tell him which ones you expect him to buy and send. Again, it's easily organised without a drama.
You've had a petty argument here. But one that should be pretty easy to resolve.
Where do we go from here?
We "we" stop being melodramatic for a start!
You've had a row, people do - how do you normally resolve minor conflict?
You do christmas cards for your side, leave him to do his. Choose from the photos you've already gone through for the calendars, sounds like you've got plenty to chose from anyway. Wrt him pulling the main earner wage on you that's not on and you do need to talk to him calmly about that. Presumably you were looking after your (as in yours and his) children when they were younger so saved both of you a small fortune in childcare. You need to point this out to your DH and the fact he earns more than you if irrelevant. You don't say what job he does but would he be earning what he does if he had been the one to stay at home.
You do your photos and cards and he does his. He earns that money because of your support. When you both work the same hours, the amount each brings in is almost irrelevant.
Ask him for a pay rise? That would keep me quiet!
Thanks, all! Have had a calm chat with him, like adults, and all is resolved. Sorry - bit over-dramatic there. He's never mentioned money like that, ever, and I was shocked. Might be time of the month, too - makes me over-react.
OP...thank God there was no MN when we were first married and had a young family...I would have never been off this site! Moaning and saying 'he said this... I said that'...now we've been married so long and all the kids are independent, mortgage paid off so not so skint..(and menopausal so no PMT!)...it does get easier...
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