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to not bother with Christmas any more (aside from giving friends presents)?

(30 Posts)
DrSethHazlittMD Sun 07-Dec-14 20:58:39

20 years ago a very close friend died on Xmas Eve. She went in for a serious operation a few days earlier and for whatever reason she suffered internal bleeding, went into a coma and died. I was 19 at the time and you can imagine as far as I was concerned, that Christmas was a total write off but living at home with my parents I had to go through some of the motions. The next couple of Christmases were a bit tough. Not a problem now, I just find it full of melancholy.

I have always tried to make something of Christmas, even having been single the last 5 years. I go to midnight mass at the cathedral. But it's almost forcing myself to do it. I have very little family - just my parents, and they were/are very cold. I will see them Xmas morning, stay for lunch and then go home mid-afternoon and spend the rest of the time on my own. If I stay there, it would just be pretty much sat in front of the TV in total silence - may as well do that at home!

I don't have work Xmas do as where I work I am the only full time person and none of my social clubs/groups do anything Christmassy because everyone has their work dos. So it's all a bit of a non-event.

I've been getting down about being single - if I had someone to really share Christmas with I don't think it would seem so bad. But as it is just me, I am tempted to just give presents to my friends but otherwise ignore it. Not put any decorations up, no tree, and just sort of hibernate (same for NYE).

Does this make me a complete miserable git?

BeyondRepair Sun 07-Dec-14 21:48:32

No its doesn't make you miserable at all.

If I didn't have DC I would be the same. I only go to the effort because of them.

If I didn't have them I would probably go away somewhere hot and un christmassy.

Whilst not going to any fuss, can you treat yourself in some way?

MyrnaLoy Sun 07-Dec-14 21:49:55

No it doesn't make you a miserable git. Not at all. Christmas is different for everyone: some people love it, some hate it and, for millions of people across the world, it isn't a festival they celebrate.

It is what you want to make it for yourself: it can be a day to rest, to reflect and to hibernate away from others (if that's what you want) or a day to celebrate and enjoy with others. It will probably be all those things at different times throughout our lives.

I know it can feel as though there is huge pressure to have the "perfect" Christmas, but that should be the Christmas that works for you.

wheretoyougonow Sun 07-Dec-14 21:51:57

I absolutely love Christmas. However, I am a firm believer that you do Christmas in a way that suits you. Can you get out of visiting your parents? I suggest duvet on the sofa, massive tin of chocs and slob the whole day.
Ps you are not miserablesmile

Starlightbright1 Sun 07-Dec-14 21:52:40

Can you do something none traditional? I am not sure what ? but instead of feeling Christmas is not what it should be do something completely different

squishinglittlefatcheeks Sun 07-Dec-14 21:53:33

Do what you feel is right for you. There is no obligation to 'celebrate' Christmas. You know there are plenty of people in this country who don't do anything special on Christmas day (including me). It's only a problem if you believe you have to be doing something

Ragwort Sun 07-Dec-14 21:58:45

The best Christmasses I have had (yes, despite the fact that I have a DH and DS grin) have been volunteering - helping other people to make sure they have a good time. Even the smallest of towns will probably have something going on and would welcome an extra pair of hands.

Is this something you might consider?

DrSethHazlittMD Sun 07-Dec-14 22:03:36

Thanks all. Guess been feeling very sorry for myself lately. Someone else suggested volunteering but as I work for a charity and I do volunteering for them too, I actually feel like I need time away from it, although I've only got the two days off. In some ways I'm somehow dreading NYE more. Everyone I know has family and those of us without often get forgotten about (understandably)

MsAspreyDiamonds Sun 07-Dec-14 22:05:45

Can you volunteer at a homeless shelter/soup kitchen etc. As above poster said they always need volunteers. Salvation army, Kids company, Help the aged etc all need volunteers over the holiday period particularly Xmas day & boxing day.

MsAspreyDiamonds Sun 07-Dec-14 22:07:07

Sorry x post and didnt see your message.

MyrnaLoy Sun 07-Dec-14 22:09:15

I always think NYE is a bit of a weird one because it feels so arbitrary - I think I've never moved on from seeing the new year as starting in September (new pencil case and new protractor...)

Are you someone who enjoys getting caught up with a crowd? Most towns and cities have a central point where people gather on NYE. Beaches are very popular too.

But again, do what makes you feel good - give yourself permission to do exactly what works for you.

BeyondRepair Sun 07-Dec-14 22:09:40

Mrs she said she already does loads of volunteering.

Can you treat yourself?

Book into an hotel?

Get better food than usual and slob out?

BeyondRepair Sun 07-Dec-14 22:10:20

I think I've never moved on from seeing the new year as starting in September (new pencil case and new protractor...) grin Yes!

LadyBlaBlah Sun 07-Dec-14 22:11:59

I've a very small family and work 'for good causes' already too.
I literally can't be arsed with Christmas. I'm also atheist and against organised religion. So it's not really a top priority.

It's tedious in every way. Hypocritical, materialistic, fake family shit, over indulgent. Yuk yuk yuk.

BeyondRepair Sun 07-Dec-14 22:12:17

Op new years is a total non event in our house.

my DH falls asleep then wakes up - maybe...its me sat on own usually...always feels a bit miserable.

But then I see the crowds in London and feel very cosy and happy there is a loo near by grin

DrSethHazlittMD Sun 07-Dec-14 22:13:38

He, not she! smile

Financially, Xmas or NYE always at a premium for hotels and while I do OK, working for a charity isn't wonderfully paid. It's striking the balance of not feeling alone but not really wanting to be with a lot of strangers either I guess.

LadyBlaBlah Sun 07-Dec-14 22:14:26

And if I see one more "it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas" Facebook post with a picture of some crappy tree......confused

ChillySundays Sun 07-Dec-14 22:14:39

I have DH and teenagers but if they said let's not bother I wouldn't be arguing.

If you only have two days off it's like being given an extra weekend. Treat yourself and enjoy yourself!!

DrSethHazlittMD Sun 07-Dec-14 22:15:52

LadyBla can I adopt you as my sister? grin

foslady Sun 07-Dec-14 22:17:20

I did NYE properly for the 1st time last year.

Was still a non event only it cost me a packet. I don't have anyone 'special' but I do have dd. If I didn't have her I would be wanting to do exactly the same as you. The one Christmas Eve she slept at her dads it took me ages to get out of bed purely because I couldn't really see much point

I'm with you and LadyBlaBlah

Clarabumps Sun 07-Dec-14 22:19:30

New year is a pile of shite in my opinion. Until I had kids Christmas was a non event so please don't feel humbuggy for not feeling very Christmassy.

SaucyJack Sun 07-Dec-14 22:20:55

Do you have a good mate you could go round to in the evening for a couple of drinks?

I doubt you'll be intruding unless they're very recently married. Christmas ain't all that for most people.

LadyBlaBlah Sun 07-Dec-14 22:23:06

We'd make great sisters Dr.....but would we have to celebrate Christmas if we had a sister?!! Confused ��

Also, while I'm on to moaning about Christmas.....what about this ENORMOUS Father Christmas lie?!?!
"Children, you must not lie"
"Apart from monumental bullshit ones about some dude judging whether you are 'good enough'!"
Fuck, I think I've got seasonal affective disorder in it's proper sense.

DrSethHazlittMD Sun 07-Dec-14 22:24:30

Saucy, all my close friends are married with kids and either have family over or, in most cases, going to stay with family (it's fairly rural here)

cricketpitch Sun 07-Dec-14 22:25:19

I feel similarly. Used to love spending Christmas home on my own - made me happy and was a time just to be me. Same with NYE. Now with DC I have to make a bit of an effort but keep it very pared down.

It does sound as if you are a bit low at the moment though OP. Do try to do something good for yourself - something different. And maybe think about making some changes, (new job? ), before too long.

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