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To tell DH to not get involved?

(23 Posts)
Satsuma25 Sun 07-Dec-14 18:46:14

DH has a DD from a previous relationship. He and DDs mum have always remained civil, and she is married with 2 more children. This weekend it became apparent that the husband has stopped DD from visiting her nan ( the exes mum) as 'she spends too much time there' and should be at home with their family. The nan is upset obviously, there hasn't been an incident or argument. The husband just appears to be jealous. DHs mum is telling him to have a word, as, as she puts it 'its none of Other Mans business' what dd does. I think DH should not get involved just to keep things friendly. Opinions?

BadtzMaru Sun 07-Dec-14 18:50:20

YANBU, if I was your DH I would leave it to his ex wife and her husband to sort out, they won't thank him for interfering.

NewNamePlease Sun 07-Dec-14 18:52:08

I think DH should have a word with his ex if her husband is stopping DD having a relationship with her GM/his mother.

NewNamePlease Sun 07-Dec-14 18:53:20

Sorry I thought you ment your DH mother but reading it is DD maternal GM. So I think he should stay out of it. YANBU.

Bowlersarm Sun 07-Dec-14 18:53:54

I think he should have a say in his DD's relationship with her grandmother. It's his dd after all. I appreciate it's not an easy situation though.

LittleBairn Sun 07-Dec-14 19:00:55

YABU this is his mother and his child's grandmother he absolutely should be protecting that relationship its got nothing to do with the step father.

Topseyt Sun 07-Dec-14 19:01:57

She is your husband's daughter, not the other guy's. It sounds as though your MIL has a fair point here. Ex's new husband is interfering in stuff that appears to be none of his business.

I understand why you would prefer your own husband not to get involved, but is that realistic? Can he really avoid it? Surely the other guy doesn't have parental rights over your husband's child??

LittleBairn Sun 07-Dec-14 19:02:04

I'm another one who though it was his mothers, in that case I would still have a word with his ex of its upset the DC.

pigsDOfly Sun 07-Dec-14 19:04:09

She's your DH's daughter surely it's up to him and the girl's mother who she spends time with not the unrelated man who happens to be married to the child's mother. Don't see what the hell it's got to do with him.

I can see why you don't want your DH to get involved, but the guy sounds as if he's overstepping a line. Has your DH spoken to his DD's mother? What does she feel about it? Surely that would the first person he should be talking to.

PotteringAlong Sun 07-Dec-14 19:04:36

So it's his ex-wife's mum who she's not allowed to see?

Bowchickawowow Sun 07-Dec-14 19:06:21

Your DH's ex wife's mother?
I can see why you would say to stay out of it but if I was your DH it might not be that easy. Is his DD upset? That to me would decide whether or not to say anything. New H sounds a bit of a dick.

Topseyt Sun 07-Dec-14 19:07:37

Sorry, just realised it is the ex's mum you are talking about.

Still don't see why her new husband has a problem with it or is allowed to make what is essentially a parenting decision.

Satsuma25 Sun 07-Dec-14 19:09:25

Yes pottering.
The stepdad is stopping contact with DDs maternal grandma.

DH hasn't spoken to the mum yet. He only found out from the nan yesterday who was in tears.

pigsDOfly Sun 07-Dec-14 19:09:28

I read it as the mum's mum.

pigsDOfly Sun 07-Dec-14 19:10:01

cross post

Bowlersarm Sun 07-Dec-14 19:12:08

So is he stopping his children from seeing her too?

pregnantpause Sun 07-Dec-14 19:15:51

Yanbu. Don't get involved. There are lots of reasons the other man may have done this that you don't know about. I can see that if they're ferrying their eldest to and fro her nans perhaps the younger children are spending most of their time travelling. If she's with you at weekends perhaps they want to spend more time as a family with all the siblings together. I think I'd rather her step father act as a step parent than ignore her and have no involvement despite living with her and fathering her siblings.

bloodyteenagers Sun 07-Dec-14 19:16:39

I would be asking what is going on. It is his business, he is the child dad and the step dad can not overwrite his wishes

Satsuma25 Sun 07-Dec-14 19:26:47

In the past as far as we know all three kids would go together to the nans.

It's not a travelling issue. They live a few doors apart. Which makes it abit more odd.

Purplepoodle Sun 07-Dec-14 19:26:54

what has your step daughter said to her dad?

If something has come from daughter about wanting to go to Nans then I would have a quick word with ex in drop off just saying "dd mentioned that she isn't allowed to go to nans anymore, is everything ok?" He cant get shot down for acting concerned

PurpleCrazyHorse Sun 07-Dec-14 19:32:38

I think if it the ex-wife's mother, then it isn't any of your DH's business, it's for his ex-wife to bring up with her new husband. Your DH might well want to mention it if DD says something to him, but other than that, it's for the ex and her mum to sort. Who knows, maybe ex-wife's mum wants to see the DD every night or every weekend, which might well not fit in with the family.

If it's you DH's mum then that's different and he should say something, or arrange to see his mum with DD when he has visitation.

Vitalstatistix Sun 07-Dec-14 19:49:34

no contact at all? Or less contact? What amount of contact is there at the moment? Is the grandma a good person who respects boundaries? How was she when your husband was still with his ex?

Really this isn't for your husband to intervene in. This is her mother and really all your husband should say at this stage is that she should talk to her daughter about it.

He should keep an eye though, and watch for signs something is amiss.

StockingFullOfCoal Mon 08-Dec-14 07:51:59

How old is DD? How often does she go to maternal grandmother? And why does she go so often? I'd want answers to those questions.

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