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to get a view small Xmas present for DF and his partner even though they have asked me not to?

(31 Posts)
Nothavingfunrightnow Sun 07-Dec-14 17:23:37

My father and his partner are coming to us for Christmas and will be staying for 4 nights. We are really looking forward to it!

However, Dad (who is 81) has asked that we do not get them any presents at all. I agreed, but then I felt it would be awful for them on Christmas morning if DH, DS and I were opening gifts but they had nothing! So, all I am doing for them is getting them a stocking with a few small bits in it.

Is that okay? this is the first time that I am having them over and I really want them to enjoy it!

I don't want to put them in a spot, though. AIBU to get them a few bits?

december12 Sun 07-Dec-14 17:26:12

I've no idea what the right thing would be, but I'd do exactly as you have.

JT05 Sun 07-Dec-14 17:30:00

Yes I would. They probably don't want you to go to expense getting them big presents. I'd get chocs, posh drink, if appropriate, bath oil type bits.

simbacatlivesagain Sun 07-Dec-14 17:32:53

I would probably do it by doing the 'same things'. So all of my overnight guests get a hand knitted Christmas jumper (not knitted by me!). They all get a selection box, they all get a lindt reindeer and a sugar mouse (as very stocking has to have those) - you can then add a couple of individual items. Be very clear that these are from SANTA not from you (make them hang a stocking- over 75s love that)

CyclopsBee Sun 07-Dec-14 17:33:01

I would have to get them something! A stocking sounds good, maybe with nice jam,chutney, t bags etc
Tell them it's from Santa fgrin and have a great time

bonnymiffy Sun 07-Dec-14 17:34:14

I would get them a "little something", may be a stocking filler type present, just so they have something to open on Christmas Day. You sound lovely, I'm sure they'll have the best time with you!

thatstoast Sun 07-Dec-14 17:36:13

Are they buying for you? I would make it clear before hand that you will be getting them something as they might feel embarrassed at turning up empty handed if that's what was agreed.

simbacatlivesagain Sun 07-Dec-14 17:37:38

My son gave an octogenarian a card with £5 in (note said £5 to spend on anything you really want) . The rationale was that he had really enjoyed getting the same gift from someone else (he was about 7). The response was amazing- he even called to tell us what he had spent it on! The best gift ever was the feedback (and he is a pretty well off chap).

Annbag Sun 07-Dec-14 17:37:51

Are they getting you anything? Just thinking of all the times I've agreed with adult relatives not to get each other anything and then they've got me something. Ends up very embarrassing and awkward!

DoJo Sun 07-Dec-14 17:42:03

I'd get something that you can keep if it seems like it might be embarrassing for them to be presented with something if they can't reciprocate.

DoJo Sun 07-Dec-14 17:43:25

Or something that can be shared, so if he says 'Oh you shouldn't have' you can point towards an ulterior motive and crack it open there and then!

simbacatlivesagain Sun 07-Dec-14 17:48:40

What is your Christmas day routine? We do Santa sacks am (everyone as one) and the tree gifts pm (these are gifts not bought by Santa). Obviously I am Santa. All guests are given a sack to hang out on Christmas Eve (family have named ones going back years- mine is 40 years old) and guests get a £1 poundland one (they used to get the white company stockings but they kept walking off with them and I am not made of money ).

This year we have DD boyfriend for the 1st time which adds a new dimension.

Nothavingfunrightnow Sun 07-Dec-14 18:03:31

No, they have said that they won't be getting us anything other than for DS and that is 100% fine! They are travelling some way to get to us, and taking us all out for lunch on Boxing Day. I feel that seeing that my Dad is getting on, and that this is the first time he is coming to us for Christmas, I do want to spoil him (not too bothered about her, but that's for another thread - I certainly don't show her or my dad what I really think of her!)

I have bought stockings for them and have little things as PPs have suggested - selection of chutneys, chocolates etc plus diary, socks, key ring, knife sharpener (DF's partner loves cooking).

Christmas day routine - open everything then get lunch started!! smile

I am a bit concerned that they will be embarrassed, but I will cover it up by saying that Dad has bought me things for decades so it's my turn to do so for him.

florentina1 Sun 07-Dec-14 18:20:25

This is like the threads where the grannies buy stuff for the kids that the parents don't want them to have. Why not respect what your dad has said. At 81 he is probably sick of having more stuff than he knows what to do with. If you buy for him, you are likely to embarrass him than please him.

PicaK Sun 07-Dec-14 19:49:34

Aw mums and dads say this all the time. They mean it - well mine do - cos they hate the over commercialisation of xmas and wouldn't want you to rack up debts for them. But a small collection of tiny thoughtful things (eg fave choc bar or something daft they can play with the grandkids with) am sure they'll love. Check partner knows what he's been saying and if in doubt get her more £s present.

Nothavingfunrightnow Sun 07-Dec-14 19:53:42

My DF is very short of funds, so we are paying for a gift that he is giving his partner.

I don't think they will be embarrassed if I get them a few small things. They really are small - the diary was probably the dearest at £4!

specialsubject Sun 07-Dec-14 19:55:23

they said 'no presents'. They know kids will have presents. They are not kids and won't get jealous!

please respect their request not to waste money on clutter.

RuinedAndNotorious Sun 07-Dec-14 20:01:48

They must have made this request for a reason. I wouldn't get them any gifts in this situation. But then none of the adults in my family swap presents. None of us need anything, and don't want others to be spending money on 'stuff' just for the sake of it. Perhaps your father and his partner feel similar?

littlejohnnydory Sun 07-Dec-14 20:03:45

I probably wouldn't but you know them best. We aren't doing adult presents and I'd be properly annoyedif any of the adults in either family bought us anything at all when we've agreed not to. Only you know whether it's a serious no presents pact or a "really, you mustn't spend money on us" kind of thing.

Bulbasaur Sun 07-Dec-14 20:04:13

Personally, I'd never accept it. I'd get them a gift anyway, and sneak it in the boot of their car before they left so they could open it without being embarrassed or feeling awkward the rest of the day.

I like the Santa idea! Especially if you have kids!

"I didn't get you a gift! Santa did! That silly man." grin

SaucyJack Sun 07-Dec-14 20:05:16

YWNBU to get them a little something that you genuinely know they would like.

But don't get them tat (Xmas jumpers, Dove gift sets, chocolates) you don't know they'll like for the sake of it.

That's probably exactly what they're trying to avoid.

ImperialBlether Sun 07-Dec-14 20:06:52

Are they driving to see you? If so, you could fill up their car with petrol if he's broke at the moment.

Liara Sun 07-Dec-14 20:08:42

I wouldn't get them anything, or I would get the dc to make something for them. Home made presents are OK in my book, but buying something for someone who has asked you not to is not on.

Gaia81 Sun 07-Dec-14 20:16:23

I think it's quite rude really, to not respect their wishes. You've listed what you describe as 'a few small things' but to me looks like a huge amount (not big gift givers in my family)

Nothavingfunrightnow Sun 07-Dec-14 20:20:00

I think I'll run my idea past my DF. I really do not want to upset the apple cart! I think he'd be pleased with a few things for his partner, but he usually is not fussed.

They are coming to us by coach, and they will not accept money from us.

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