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Siblings at party

(48 Posts)
Margaritte Sun 07-Dec-14 11:23:31

Posting here for the traffic, though I suppose it is an aibu in a way.

We are having a 'party' for ds today. Not sure if it's relevant, though we are on a very tight budget so party consists of 4 friends from school & DS's cousin. So 6 kids in total. We have bought a party pack from the entertainer with £5 vouchers we have had for a while . I am serving sandwiches, carrot sticks etc. So a tiny gathering really.

Have had a text message saying ' Hi there its mum here. Is it ok if older brother comes to the party to as he hope (ds) is having a good day smile

Do I say yes? No? I know they have at least 3 dc, so its not a palming them on to me for a few child free hours, if that makes sense?

Margaritte Sun 07-Dec-14 11:24:38

Sorry, its meant to say its 'ds's friend mum here.

WooWooOwl Sun 07-Dec-14 11:25:45

Do you want to say yes? Will you have enough food, party bags etc?

whatsagoodusername Sun 07-Dec-14 11:26:29

I would say yes, assuming you have enough food and space, but do make it clear if he won't receive a party bag, etc, so expectations are set in advance.

Trills Sun 07-Dec-14 11:27:06

Sorry, we're only having a small party and we've only invited DS's special friends

tobysmum77 Sun 07-Dec-14 11:27:19

If she is expected to stay then OK (my opinion). But is she intending to drop him? If so I'd just say no. Does she know she can just drop her DS?

MoreBonkersThanBonkers Sun 07-Dec-14 11:29:03

It's perfectly ok to say no. I would. It just changes the dynamics of the party.
I think it is ok for the Mum to ask, she has been polite but you are allowed to say no.

I would reply.

Hi, I'm sorry but we are not having any extras at the party so (non invited brother) won't be able to come. I look forward to seeing (invited brother) later. Birthday boy or really excited. :-) Thanks

MoreBonkersThanBonkers Sun 07-Dec-14 11:31:05

Typo. Birthday boy is really excited smile

LadyLuck10 Sun 07-Dec-14 11:32:13

I would say yes. Just let her know that you only have a set amount of party packs.

Fabulous46 Sun 07-Dec-14 11:33:28

I'd say no. I think it's incredibly rude to text and ask if a sibling can come when they haven't been invited.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sun 07-Dec-14 11:34:09

Any betting the third child is also at a party so this way she gets a few hours child free.

MoreBonkersThanBonkers Sun 07-Dec-14 11:38:50

I don't think it is rude to text and ask. Although, I wouldn't do it. Myself. The host genuinely might not mind or might have had a string of cancellations.

...but it's not rude to say no.

DaisyFlowerChain Sun 07-Dec-14 11:39:44

Say no, cheeky mare. Say she's welcome to drop off the invited child but that you can't accomadate siblings.

BikeRunSki Sun 07-Dec-14 11:40:11

I think it's cheeky to ask and perfectly fine to say no. At DD's 3rd party recently a family turned up with older sibling - completely uninvited and no previous discussion- and expected her to be fed and party-bagged! hmm. As it happened there had been a cancellation, so we could manage.

Middleagedmotheroftwo Sun 07-Dec-14 11:45:09

I'd say no too. She's taking advantage. He can go to his own friends' parties.

Bunbaker Sun 07-Dec-14 11:46:21

You could say "I'm sorry, but I have only catered for 6 children and there are only 6 party bags"

Somethingtodo Sun 07-Dec-14 11:53:43

What does your gut tell you? Do you wished she had never asked as you are now uncomfortable having to respond? If so, just say no - and be proud that you have done what you want. I think it is really rude/cheeky to ask - bt worse as others have said are when they just drop off others without asking.

Kids parties are v stressful and v emotional - dont let her add to that. Say no now.

Somethingtodo Sun 07-Dec-14 11:56:16

Never include explanations or excuses that they can snake around,,,,ie dont worry he wont mind not having a party bag -- or I will feed him before he goes.

Margaritte Sun 07-Dec-14 15:08:47

Thank you for all replies. Yes, I do wish she never asked, and it put me in an awkward position. I'm recovering PND (though of course, to be fair, she doesn't know that)& it took a lot for me to help organise, clean, cook etc. Also we scrimped to get this party. Decorations were saved for last year, party bags were super cheap, made all food etc.We went with the truth, which was we didn't have enough party bags & all games were for 6 children etc.

However, still turned up with both ds's friend and his brother in tow, with brother fully excited to be at the party. I told his mum that he wouldn't have much fun & that we wouldnt want him to be bored sitting on the sofa. She persisted so I told him that there wouldn't be anything to do, and we didn't have enough party bags (very nicely, in a way for an 9yr old to understand) However, his mum kept saying 'you want to stay though, don't you ds?'

And so, faced with a 9 yr old child who would consider my fault if he couldn't come, we just let him stay. When his mum had gone, I told him that he could be my 'helper'. Luckily for him, someone was a no show, so he was able to join in anyway & take a party bag home.

However, all went well smile. Everyone had fun, kids stuffed their faces & danced. DS is super happy & that's what matters.

jimmycrackcornbutidontcare Sun 07-Dec-14 15:15:45

Unbelievably rude. If you had wanted another or had room for another child at the party I am sure your DS would have liked it to be one of his friends. I would not invite the boy with this sibling again if his mother has no boundarys.

Nanny0gg Sun 07-Dec-14 15:17:52

She wants to go Christmas shopping.

Say no.

honeysucklejasmine Sun 07-Dec-14 15:21:13

Wow, she's rude. Can't believe it.

Heels99 Sun 07-Dec-14 15:21:45

You were very polite, however I think pp advice that if you give any reason then mother would snake around it was borne out. Just say no next time!

DejaVuAllOverAgain Sun 07-Dec-14 15:22:31

Too late NannyOgg it's already happened.

What a cheeky bitch, I have allowed siblings/cousins/friends in the past when mine were at the party age when I was in a position to do so but if I'd said no I would have expected that to be respected. I wouldn't be inviting this child again.

Vycount Sun 07-Dec-14 15:24:05

"We went with the truth, which was we didn't have enough party bags & all games were for 6 children etc."
You were too nice. The truth was "Maybe next time. I'm a bit under the weather so the answer will have to be no, I'm really going to have to keep to the guest list".

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