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To pay DM to look after DSs?

(110 Posts)
Sylviesleep Sun 07-Dec-14 08:39:11

My DM looks after DSs before and after school 3 days a week. DS 1 8-8:30 then 4-5 and DS 2 8-8:30 then 12-5.
I pay her £250 a month for doing this but we are really struggling to pay her this. DH has never liked the fact that DM asks for money to look after them.
Aibu to pay DM?

Sylviesleep Sun 07-Dec-14 08:41:38

Just to add - it would cost the same to send them to breakfast/ after school club.

woowoo22 Sun 07-Dec-14 08:42:03

Seems a little steep. Did she ask for that amount or did you offer? can you pay the going cm rate?

ApocalypseThen Sun 07-Dec-14 08:46:19

I think it's good that she expects to be paid - it's a massive responsibility and restriction for her. But you're only paying for her time. I'm sure the kids get the kind of loving care that you couldn't pay for as well.

If it's too much for you to manage financially, perhaps you can negotiate?

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sun 07-Dec-14 08:46:56

Its what you would pay a qualified CM with other mindees and health and safety certs, insurance and an expectation they in some way educate the mindees. Are you getting all that from your Mum?

My own mum is a CM, and we direct debit £200pcm for ger to.mind dd term time only, usually 25/30 hrs a week. Currently I am on Mat Leave, but we are still paying to keep the place and DD goes two full days (term time only). The difference is I insisted on paying and we agreed an amount. Dd gets all meals and snacks, Mum follows tge EYFS and dd goes to a toddler group each day. I am getting marvellous value for money!

Only1scoop Sun 07-Dec-14 08:48:11

Did she ask for that amount or is that what you offered?

Sylviesleep Sun 07-Dec-14 08:51:50

It's the price I offered but some years ago when DS 1 was in nursery and DS2 was a baby so she had them for more hours.
She has never suggested to accept less and I have never known how to ask - i fear that it will end badly

ghostyslovesheep Sun 07-Dec-14 08:53:20

I think YABU - I always paid my mum for minding my 3 - and she got sick pay and holiday pay

She was saving me a shed load of money in nursery fees - she was providing really good care and she was a pensioner - I would have felt awful not doing so.

Only1scoop Sun 07-Dec-14 08:53:57

Then you know what you need to do...."dm now that you have the dc for x amount of hours less can we look at your wages to reflect it"

ApocalypseThen Sun 07-Dec-14 08:55:14

Why does your husband think you shouldn't pay your mum, out of sheer nosiness?

Rebecca2014 Sun 07-Dec-14 08:56:00

Surely she should be doing it for free or at an discounted rate??

I would rather send my kids to an after school club then pay my mother child minder rates. What a joke.

Only1scoop Sun 07-Dec-14 08:56:14

Does he think she shouldn't be paid at all?

Galvanized Sun 07-Dec-14 08:57:43

Yabu - it's illegal.

Sylviesleep Sun 07-Dec-14 08:59:24

DH thinks £250 is too much.

ApocalypseThen Sun 07-Dec-14 09:00:45

How much would he consider appropriate?

Only1scoop Sun 07-Dec-14 09:01:08

What do you think?? what would alternative care cost?

Sylviesleep Sun 07-Dec-14 09:02:39

He thinks we should cover her expenses.

FlossyMoo Sun 07-Dec-14 09:03:18

I paid my DM the same amount to take care of my DC's. She gave up her part time job so that I could return to work. It was cheaper than a CM or nursery and I was happier knowing they were being cared for my a family member in their own home.

If you are struggling financially then you have no option but to speak to her about it. As you say the hours are reduced now so I don't think YABU to want to reduce the amount.

iliketea Sun 07-Dec-14 09:03:54

By my calculation, you are getting 22ish hours of childcare per week for £250 per month. Is that right? Because if so, you are getting childcare very cheaply. You say you are struggling to pay it, but if you were paying a childminder, I reckon you'd be paying far more than that. So be prepared if you talk to your mum and don't want to pay her, you may end up having to find alternative child care for more money. And your DH think she shouldn't get paid? Have his parents offered to do the childcare for free? Or is it only your mother who should be providing this service?

FlossyMoo Sun 07-Dec-14 09:04:11

by not my.

ApocalypseThen Sun 07-Dec-14 09:04:20

Really? She should be tied to your children's hours every day for free? I think if you offer her that deal she'd be a fool to accept it.

cupofsneeze Sun 07-Dec-14 09:04:47

Work out what it would cost if you paid for a registered childcare provider.

Is your Mum dropping off and picking the children up from different settings throughout the day, ie, school and nursery runs?

Thats a giant faff in itself if she is.

Only1scoop Sun 07-Dec-14 09:05:27

Expenses only? confused

Aeroflotgirl Sun 07-Dec-14 09:05:30

Sounds fine, but if your DH is unhappy send them to breakfast club or after school club.

Didiusfalco Sun 07-Dec-14 09:06:30

If she is having the little one 12-5 its not just after school is it? breakfast club for one is costing me £100 so I doubt you could cover those hours for the amount you are paying her. What is her financial situation - does she need the money?

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