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AIBU?

Not to give someone a lift to a party when I've promised I will?

73 replies

Boysclothes · 07/12/2014 08:27

We had a childrens party on the calendar for last weekend, a friend who has now moved an lives an hour away. It was scheduled to start at 11 am. We were supposed to give a lift to another friend and her DC. All the kids are 3.

Now, friend having party has quite a small social circle, and the scheduled attendees at the party are only my DS, DC I'm giving a lift to, and two other DC from our NCT group.

Of course, DS wakes up yesterday unwell and pretty quickly vomits everywhere, whingey, moans, has temp and just wants to sleep all day, which he did. Cancelled attendance with sincere apologies and obviously let friend I was giving a lift to that we wouldn't be taking her.

This obviously meant other friend couldn't go, and reduced party attendance by 50%. I feel terrible about this but now I'm getting a bit of stick/snidely comments from one of the other attendees about how I should have still given friend a lift. How sad it was to see birthday boy without anyone at the party, how I'd said I'd give the lift and if it were her, well, she always sticks by her word etc etc. I suspect this has originated from birthday mum and she was annoyed when I cancelled.

Should I have still given a lift? I could have taken friend and left DS with DH but it was an hour away! Two hour round trip to give someone else a lift to a three year olds party just didn't seem reasonable to me.

OP posts:

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CookieLady · 07/12/2014 08:30

Hell no! Your kid is sick. He is your priority not someone you were going to do a favour.

NoMoreHappyMrsChicken · 07/12/2014 08:31

YANBU. It was a pity but your priority was with your child when they were ill.

Did other mum not have anyone else she could have asked?

MaryWestmacott · 07/12/2014 08:31

No of course not! Giving a lift to somewhere an hour away when you are going is fine and nice to do. But I can't imagine any normal person would expect a lift to a party you aren't going to!

MissWimpyDimple · 07/12/2014 08:31

Sorry. Yes you should have given her a lift! You have a perfectly functioning parent to be with your DS.
Selfish

CookieLady · 07/12/2014 08:32

If the other guest is that bothered by you not giving a lift then s/he should bloody well do to it!

MrsHathaway · 07/12/2014 08:33

Any other reason than illness and you might have been U, but ffs YANBU.

Wonder why she doesn't have many friends?

Hulababy · 07/12/2014 08:34

It's unfortunate but not your fault.
I regularly give two other children a lift to their after school activity. But if dd is ill or for some reason can't go i let the parents know and they do the drop off/pick up instead. They don't still expect me to go.

DreamingDiva13 · 07/12/2014 08:37

YANBU. If your not going, why should you put yourself out time and money wise? I'd text back to the snide texts saying 'unfortunately I can't as I'm home caring for my sick child, I'll let friend know your willing to pick her up and drop her though I know she'll appreciate it' then when she texts back to say 'oh no I'm not offering....'
I'd say 'oh I must have misunderstood. Since you obviously think I'm wrong to tend to my sick child rather than leave him to fend to himself to give friend a lift I thought since your sat texting me about how unfair I am you'd be getting in your car to ensure she doesn't miss it.my mistake!'
I can be an snappy bitch though so I probably wouldn't do that if I were you :)

Pelicangiraffe · 07/12/2014 08:40

The friend could have paid for a taxi or got public transport.

You have an ill child.

When you have a small party with low numbers, that's just a risk you take.

LumpenproletariatAndProud · 07/12/2014 08:41

That's an assumption Wimpy.....

Mmolly2013 · 07/12/2014 08:42

Yabu I assume ypu got the little boy a birthday card etc as you were intent on going.

You could have went along to at least give the child their gift/card and apologised and then left.

Children get sick all the time and they dont need two parents to look after them.

How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot, would you little one be upset that only half turned up to his party, I think so.

Got99problems · 07/12/2014 08:43

Do you like the mother of the birthday child? If so, you could have gone along to have a cup of tea and catch up. If you didn't fancy that, absolutely no obligation to serve as a taxi for the other guest!

Pelicangiraffe · 07/12/2014 08:43

Misswimpy - so you are saying OP should have driven for an hour, been away from her sick DS and shelled out £20 petrol so the passenger could have an easy ride there and back?

TrendStopper · 07/12/2014 08:45

YANBU.

Were you expected to give her a lift there & back home again?

Chandon · 07/12/2014 08:45

Did the others have cars/public transport available?

We have friends who always want lifts, just cause they are stingy. The have 2 cars, just would prefer us to drive

DilysMoon · 07/12/2014 08:45

YANBU your priority is with your sick child, even if Dh was available for childcare I still wouldn't leave him.

Incidentally as the other parent I wouldn't be keen on spending 2 hours in an enclosed space with someone who potentially has sick bug germs.

Pelicangiraffe · 07/12/2014 08:46

Couldn't the party mum/dad collect the passenger?

Littleturkish · 07/12/2014 08:46

No way! If it was a local party then MAYBE, but an hour away? No.

Only1scoop · 07/12/2014 08:46

Yanbu if child was sick....

Hopefully the other guests will not be so reliant on others in future.

ChasedByBees · 07/12/2014 08:46

I can't believe anyone is saying YABU. It was an hours drive away! She would have had to do that twice whilst not being with her poorly child. Get real. Of course YANBU OP. I hope your DS gets well soon.

PossumPoo · 07/12/2014 08:50

MissWimpy l hope you were kidding? Otherwise that sense of entitlement is just shocking.

MaryWestmacott · 07/12/2014 08:50

Just read again, you'd have had to drive there an hour then back, then at the end of the party go back again - so 4 hours driving for a party your DC wasn't even going to. Really, people thought you should drive for 4 hours to a party you weren't attending?

The other guest could have paid for a taxi, she obviously didn't want to go to the party enough to pay out. One of the others could have gone out of their way to pick her up, but didn't want to. The other guest could have investigated public transport options, she didn't want to. The party organiser could have driven herself/send her DH to pick up the guest and give them a lift back, but didn't want to spend 4 hours driving. The party organiser could have thought that throwing a party with all your guests having to drive 1 hour away when 1/4 of guests don't drive, it might be better to hold it closer to where all the guests live than her house, but she didn't want to do that.

You didn't want to leave your sick child to give someone else a lift to a party you weren't going to, YWNBU.

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HSMMaCM · 07/12/2014 08:54

If you gave her a lift and then any of the party children were sick, they'd all blame you for bringing the bug. Yanbu

3bunnies · 07/12/2014 08:54

One of the other parents could have given them a lift. Ok it was probably easier for you when you were going and you lived nearer but once you couldn't then one of them could have or she could have taken public transport to somewhere nearer.

boodles · 07/12/2014 08:55

Yanbu and some entitled people on this thread and in your social circle need to get over themselves.

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