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To say no to this holiday

(94 Posts)
Discopanda Sat 06-Dec-14 21:47:01

I'm pregnant with DD2 who is due in April and my OH announced today that his close friend is going to New York for a few weeks in July and has asked him to join him for a week. This would mean leaving me with a 3 year old and a 3 month old by myself, my mum lives a 2 hour train ride away and even if I asked her to come and stay to help me out I don't have the room.
Yes, New York would be amazing for him to visit, I'm slightly jealous as I'd like to go myself but earlier this year he went away for 10 days to Las Vegas with his friends leaving me home along with DD1. I really struggled as I don't drive and DD was incredibly clingy as she obvs thought daddy had just disappeared and wouldn't sleep in her room or play by herself for more than a few minutes at a time. There's absolutely no option of us going with him as it's a 'boys holiday' like Las Vegas. WIBU to put my foot down and tell him he's not going?

MrsDermotOLeary Sat 06-Dec-14 21:49:49

Could you go and stay with your mum? Would that be an option?

misskangaandroo2014 Sat 06-Dec-14 21:51:22

It sounds fine to me, 3 months is after the initial 'oh my stars there's 2 of these non stop demand machines' panic has started to turn into 'normal' for you.

prettywhiteguitar Sat 06-Dec-14 21:51:32

Well it would be fine if you went on your hols with your friends, but it doesn't sound that way to me .

Where's the equality ?

icklekid Sat 06-Dec-14 21:51:45

I would let him go if I could also have an amazing holiday and he would be prepared to have both dc! Also make sure your mum could come- Could one of you sleep in the living room?

prettywhiteguitar Sat 06-Dec-14 21:52:28

Yes when's your holiday for ?

Cantbelievethisishappening Sat 06-Dec-14 21:52:32

YABU. It's one week. Many women cope with far more challenging situations.

Scholes34 Sat 06-Dec-14 21:55:27

Get him to drop you at your mum's before he goes.

Discopanda Sat 06-Dec-14 21:56:26

I can't go on holiday with my friends, OH won't take time off work and I wouldn't want to leave my family for a week.

ilovesooty Sat 06-Dec-14 21:56:34

YANBU to talk to him about why you would find it difficult.

YABU to "tell him he's not going".

Sparkletastic Sat 06-Dec-14 21:56:37

Why the fuck should he have 2 amazing 'boys' holidays and you be left at home with the kids? You are a family now. You have holidays as a family when the kids are tiny and share the parenting. When they are older and your mum can have them you can have an amazing holiday together maybe.

Jaffakake Sat 06-Dec-14 21:57:02

My oh goes away for work a few times a year, so I'll have to be on my own like this once in a while. However, I disappear with my best friend once a year which makes me feel like everything's a bit more equal.

My ds always reacts better if we talk to him about stuff in advance. He reacts badly to Skype/FaceTime but at 3yrs has totally got talking on the phone.

The way my relationship is, I'd be concerned about stopping dh doing something he really wants to do as over time it could foster resentment, so it's important to talk to him too.

WipsGlitter Sat 06-Dec-14 21:58:21

I think you would manage. But yea, when do you get a break?

Can you learn to drive?

What's the impact on your family finances? I'm not against partners going away on trips without their family per se, but there needs to be some equality. These are two big trips and whilst it's hard to put your foot down on an adult doing something, it doesn't seem very fair to me.

anotherdayanothersquabble Sat 06-Dec-14 22:02:52

Sure, many women cope in far more challenging circumstances, however, three months after your baby is born, for your partner to put his desire to have a holiday on his own above the needs of his partner and young family is selfish.

hooker29 Sat 06-Dec-14 22:03:35

I wouldn't mind my DH going-I'm a big girl now and quite capable of being on my own for a week (and I would enjoy having full control of the TV for a week...).I would, however, make sure a lovely family holiday was booked for all of us too...

Only1scoop Sat 06-Dec-14 22:03:47

Yanbu

Think he's selfish

noblegiraffe Sat 06-Dec-14 22:05:16

He has two great expensive holidays and you get stuck home with the kids and no holiday?

Fuck that.

Discopanda Sat 06-Dec-14 22:05:43

I've asked family to just get me driving lessons for Christmas and I'm going to be insured on his car. I think he's being selfish quite frankly, my friends all told me I was being a mug when he went off for his 10 day holiday in Las Vegas and I just feel that I'm being walked over again, it's like he feels he needs a break from being a parent IFSWIM?

Discopanda Sat 06-Dec-14 22:08:54

Oh, forgot to mention we WERE supposed to go on holiday with DD in October but had to cancel it because he spent his money on the flight to Vegas. So that kind of makes me more angry about the situation...

Only1scoop Sat 06-Dec-14 22:09:49

hmm

Sparkletastic Sat 06-Dec-14 22:11:36

So your family budget is covering JUST his holidays? Absolutely fuck that.

MuscatBouschet Sat 06-Dec-14 22:15:19

My DH wouldn't even dare ask for a weeks holiday without the family.

ThePinkOcelot Sat 06-Dec-14 22:19:00

Put your foot down Op. Selfish twat!

Nanny0gg Sat 06-Dec-14 22:19:00

He's spending family money on boys' holidays and the family doesn't get a holiday at all? And he would presumably also not have much leave left to spend with you all?

Selfish. I'd be suggesting he didn't bother to come back...

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