To throw the Xbox out the window?(40 Posts)
DO goes through stages of being on his Xbox constantly. He is currently going trough one of those stages and it's driving me mad. Every evening he'll do the dishes while I'm putting the kids to bed. He always finishes before me and will come into the living room and play his Xbox. I do all the night waking so I have to go to bed early. He always stays up 1/2/3 hours longer than me so will sometimes be on the Xbox for up to 5 hours in the evening.
I do ask him to come off sometimes so that we can talk/watch TV together and he says 'once I've done this bit.' 40 mins later he will still be on.
The evenings I don't mind so much because I suppose I can just find other things to do. It's at the weekend that annoys me.
Our DC are 1 and 3 and of course playing in the living room and walking in front of the TV/making noise/ trying to interact with DP.
He just ignores us all and moans if DC get in the way of the TV. It's also down to me to watch the DC. I would never just sit here and read a book ect, just ignoring everyone. It's just rude.
He's been on the Xbox for nearly an hour this morning and if I didn't make him come off in another hour or two, he would stay on all day. (I've tested this before. It got to 8 hours before I gave in.)
If course I'm not actually going to throw the Xbox out the window by AIBU to think DP is on the Xbox too much?
Of course it's not appropriate to prioritise the gaming over interaction with his family.
He shouldn't need it spelling out but you may have no other option.
YANBU. Strong words need to be had.
Fair enough if he was on it in the evenings for a little while, but obviously it's a lot more. Bloody selfish to you and your children and very childish in my view.
My ex partner was like this. He'd stay on it until 2/3 am. Note the 'ex'.
My 15 year old stepson has to enticed off his X box, but I expect that, as he's an actual child.
He's on it now? I hope it's minecraft because adult games aren't suitable to be played around kids.. just like adult films
Yes, fair enough in the evenings if that's his way of relaxing (after all I do spend ages on MN some evenings if I need to destress!)
But not acceptable to do this when the DCs are around.
You'd think it'd be easy to reach a compromise - as a pp said it shouldn't need to be spelled out to him!
It's normally skyrim, GTA or this tank game.
I just feel like such nag.
He's come off now to have an hour long shower.
I'm sick of the children being my responsibility all the time. At the weekends (sometimes during the week) he will stay up til 2/3am then moan that he's tired.
Sorry I'm just tired and in a bad mood.
Get on it first one evening and stay on it all night. When he complains, tell him that you're doing exactly what he does.
What if you left the kids with him and went out for a while?
It sounds horrible and tedious and I would have gone bloody mad at him already.
It's not all your responsibility, and it's not fair.
I had this row with DP recently. the problem is, he goes on it and is oblivious to anything else, and he hogs our only TV as well!
I nearly yanked the socket out of the wall he has hours a week when I'm at work to play (we mostly work opposing shifts) and I got angry that he'd rather play that than spend time with me when we barely get any time together as it is.
Spell it out to him. He has DC and a family and they need to come first, especially at weekends.
The thing is, we have had so many discussions and arguments over this. He just doesn't get it. He doesn't see the problem.
If I went out and left the kids with him, he would carry on playing it. Wouldn't bother him.
Every time I have a lie in, I come downstairs and he's on it. I've just come upstairs for a shower and hes already turned it back on.
You definitely need to get on it - even if it means waiting for him to go to the toilet and then just camp on the fucker ALL DAY LONG. Let everything go to Hell around you and stay there until bedtime. Do this more than one day if necessary.
You have every ounce of my compassion, OP.
I battle with this problem as well ... only with my DH, the problem is online poker. I've tried to deal with it for eight years in various ways; we even ended up at counseling over it. He will play for hours, even during the day when he is supposed to be working.
What I have realised, and DH has even admitted, is that the problem is not about actually about playing the game. The root of the problem in my DH's case is that it functions as a way to procrastinate and avoid reality; it is a distraction tool from the thing he knows he really needs to tackle.
I don't have any answers for you, but the fact he is checking out of real life for hours at a time is a serious problem for the both of you and your children. Might it be an idea to actually time how long he spends on the Xbox for a week and calmly ask to talk to him one evening where you ask him if he realises how much time he is spending on the xbox? You could also relate the time to wage hours to give it a financial value.
It might shock him to realise that he is spending 24 hours a week playing the game, particularly if you point out that those hours relate to working Monday to mid-day Thursday -- ie. his playing the Xbox is like a "second job".
He's playing GTA in front of the children for hours on end?
Yes, I think you really should through it out the window. Followed by all his clothes and personal stuff and himself.
what does he say when you talk to him about it?
and he should absolutely not be playing those games around children, they're far too violent. completely inappropriate - maybe challenge it from that angle?
does he realise he's damaging his relationship, and his bond with his DC for a video game? it's monumentally selfish.
He is opting out of life and escaping into fantasy. Ask him why. And tell him you cannot be with someone who does this any longer so if he can't tackle this addiction you will have to work out terms of seperation so he can be together with the only thing he loves, his x box.
Oh ... I forgot to answer your AIBU
You are most definitely NBU whatsoever about the time he spends on the xbox. The fact that your post suggests he starting playing at 8am this morning (a Saturday morning: did he turn it on as soon as he got up?) and that he will play for eight hours at a time suggests he has a serious problem.
I hate to broach this, but ... have you thought about what the future will look like for you and your family if he simply never stops playing at this kind of intensity? After all, it is hours of your life affected by his play too.
I would go out with the gaming controllers in my bag.
YANBU, I like video games too but fucking hell.
I can't play if things need to be done in the house, it annoys me too much and I can't concentrate.
YANBU at all, if I were you, next time he went to the loo I would hide the controllers or remove a cable from the back. Then say that you are all going out to do child friendly stuff. Depending on the reaction from DH I would then decide whether I wanted to give them back ever again !
Also, GTA is no way suitable to be playing in front of children so this needs to be dealt with asap !
Well it's just caused another argument. His points of view are...
I'm always moaning.
He doesn't see the problem with playing it while looking after the DC as they are playing together and he shouldn't have to sit there being bored.
It's not his fault that I just sit around doing nothing all day while he's at work. (Meaning hobby wise not housework) I've never complained about that to him so I don't know where he's got that from.
Basically I'm moany bitch who doesn't want him to have any enjoyment.
I don't see why I even bother saying anything. If he can't see that he's doing anything wrong, he's just going to be resentful. (Not that he has any right to be resentful, but do ykwim?)
Yanbu. He's being a selfish arse.
My dh loves his xbox but he wouldn't dream of going on it during the day. He only ever plays it for an hour or so in the evening (while I draw, I'm an artist) and then we watch TV etc together. During the day we both look after the dc on days we are home together.
I'd be opening it up and taking parts out of the inside, binning them and then putting it back together. Oh sorry dear is it broken? What a shame. .... (my friend did this).
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