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To wish my husband was less of a faffer?

(195 Posts)
LennyCrabsticks Fri 05-Dec-14 19:29:31

Like now for eg. I'm sitting down with a glass of wine and his job is to bath the littlest child.

He's been preparing for twenty minutes now. He's been to the loo. He's looked for a towel. He's asked where the clean flannels are. In a minute I expect he'll actually run the bath. Meanwhile dc3 is bouncing around the living room spoiling my relaxing wine and TV time generally being not bathed and in bed.

He's the same with everything. There is no such thing as a quick job. He cooks the evening meal everyday and it takes him so long that he doesn't get much else done in the time between the end of school and dinner time. If he ever washes up (if I've cooked) it takes him over an hour. We have a dishwasher. I asked him to check the online banking the other day and by the time he'd finally fired up the laptop, been to the loo, put some music on and made a coffee before sitting down to log in, I'd done it on my phone. And then he got all huffy.

Is there anyway of training him out of faffiness? Or is it a trait I have to live with forever?

GreenEyedMonster14 Fri 05-Dec-14 19:36:34

Oh I feel for you. My DP is exactly the same. A cup of tea has to be made before completing any task. If he's doing the dishes he has to put on music then stack all the dishes neatly and faff about making sure all the glasses ect fit on this one area of work surface. I hate him doing things because it just takes so long.

LennyCrabsticks Fri 05-Dec-14 19:37:23

He has now, finally, got him in the bath. This has now taken 37 minutes to achieve. Why why why?

LennyCrabsticks Fri 05-Dec-14 19:38:50

Oh yes to the music thing. Gets out the iPod, plugs into the speaker, scrolls though sloooowly. While I'm thinking just turn the fucking oven on FIRST fgs.

ArsenicSoup Fri 05-Dec-14 19:42:25

Mine too. Two and a half hours to do a smallish supermarket shop. No idea how.

I try to divide things up so he does the tasks which benefit from a meticlous approach and are not time sensitive. Not always many of those to be had though....

MadgeMak Fri 05-Dec-14 19:43:51

Mine is like this. Sends me completely round the bend. I often half joke about how his faffing will be what lands us in the divorce courts, that's how much it annoys me. He has a fairly demanding and senior job, no idea how he's actually achieved this if he faffs at work like he does at home.

KatieKatie1980 Fri 05-Dec-14 19:48:04

^ exactly what MadgeMak said...exactly!!

Really stresses me out in the mornings when he is meant to be leaving by a certain time, is faffing about and/or losing/can't find everything he needs. I love him to bits but sigh in relief when he is finally out of the door!!

sneepy Fri 05-Dec-14 19:48:54

Leave the house so he can get on with it. Tell him it has to be done by a certain time and leave him to his own devices.

Alternatively, make him take the child into the bathroom with him while he preps. If it doesn't speed him up, at least it'll get the kid out of your hair.

Iloveadrianmole Fri 05-Dec-14 19:49:52

I am married to a "Faffeur Extrordinaire" - I feel your pain.

My husband is sooooooo slow at doing anything I can get ten jobs done to his one. Drives me bonkers.

sneepy Fri 05-Dec-14 19:49:57

Seriously if you can egg stuff done at work in a timely way you can bath a child in 30 mins.

flowery Fri 05-Dec-14 19:49:57

YANBU

There was a thread recently where posters said the things that they find attractive in a man. Decisiveness and lack of faffing came up quite a lot. Along with forearms, if I recall correctly.

outofcontrol2014 Fri 05-Dec-14 19:55:03

YANBU!

I would honestly speak to him (nicely) about it, and say that you feel that a lot of the 'other' stuff, e.g putting music on is extraneous and unnecessary, and cutting into your time together as a couple in a way that is not leaving you time to enjoy together. And maybe start putting (generous) time limits on things. e.g. 'It's lovely of you to bathe DC tonight - do you think you could try to get it done by 8.00pm so we can sit down together?'

He might find FlyLady's '15 minute deadlines' helpful.

MinceSpy Fri 05-Dec-14 19:55:27

Lenny do me a favour and pop upstairs to make sure its not my DH faffing around. I worked out years ago to turn a blind eye to the faffing and half hearted attempts to do things, its just an avoidance tactic. It takes him so long to cook dinners the DCs get really hungry and ratty waiting. He hopes I will get exasperated and take over. Just pour out a second glass and chill.

Waltonswatcher Fri 05-Dec-14 19:56:01

No op. Mine is Captain Faffpants .
The neighbours love it when he does outside jobs that they can watch eg clean the car . The whole lane has a bet on how long it'll take him . One older neighbour once pulled up a chair to watch . Four hours . Four fucking hours to clean a car . I'm not talking wax and polish . I'm talking bucket, sponge ,slop , done . Four hours .

elephantspoo Fri 05-Dec-14 19:57:56

Gosh. How many of you's are stay at home mums, and how many work?

Waltonswatcher Fri 05-Dec-14 20:05:07

I'm a SAHM and my Dh does none of the household jobs . It's my dept . I usually do the garden , decorating and DIY too .
But why's that relevant ?
He was born a faffass . You can tell .

ArsenicSoup Fri 05-Dec-14 20:05:54

Along with forearms, if I recall correctly.

confused

A preference for men with forearms?

milkpudding Fri 05-Dec-14 20:11:34

What is it with needing a soundtrack to every task?

And not just any song, the first in your playlist, but the perfect song, requiring careful scrolling through and listening to several snippets.

Really frustrating!

DH also faffs when going for a run, he has to find a perfect song to listen to as he leaves. He hangs around in running kit scrolling through his playlist and trying and discarding several tracks. Then when he finds the right one he puts on his trainers and runs out the door...--and I breathe a sigh of relief--

MinnieM1 Fri 05-Dec-14 20:16:21

Oh God I thought it was just me!
DP drives me round the bend!
Just this morning, pup was going crazy barking and crying down stairs "babe go and sort the dog out before she wakes the kids up" "ok" he gets up, goes to the toilet, brushes his teeth, puts his pants on, wanders round the room for a minute, puts his socks on, stands and stretches, asks if I want a brew, then stops to read a message on his phone when both the kids came in and I got up to sort the dog out angry I wanted to hurt him!
Everything is "in a minute" which really means in half an hour. Why?! Why not now!?! Why why why!?!!

...ahh it feels good to get that out!

Justtoobad Fri 05-Dec-14 20:18:14

Mine is the same, he talks a good talk of intentions - nothing happens. It takes him forever just to get out of bed.

Poolomoomon Fri 05-Dec-14 20:19:22

Well, forearms are quite nice on a man grin.

Hate faffiness, taking ten years to accomplish a simple task, people who beat around the bush too much... Drives me to distraction. I don't envy you at all.

RigglinJigglin Fri 05-Dec-14 20:20:43

I once printed out laminated a tick sheet and order to do jobs in when DH, also known as Faffing Fanny, does them.

Sometimes I audit him against the ticklist blush as I'd put estimated time to complete various things.

Since having DD his faffing has increased. Makes me ragefull.

mynameisred Fri 05-Dec-14 20:23:20

maybe you should all have a read here:

www.telegraph.co.uk/men/the-filter/11215506/Men-deliberately-do-housework-badly-to-avoid-doing-it-in-future.html

GelfBride Fri 05-Dec-14 20:23:29

Mine is like this and he has no forearms at all, his hands are just sticking out of his elbows - Bugger!

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid Fri 05-Dec-14 20:23:55

walton you may well have won - four hours to wash a car is appalling.

Mine takes 2 1/2 hours to do a simple supermarket shop.

People told me it would take forever to leave the house once I had kids - I can honestly say it's made no difference. I get me and the 3 and 1 year old in the car on my own and have to wait 5 minutes for him to finish faffing about.
One if these days I'm going to drive off without him.

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