AIBU to not tell anyone I am pregnant until they either notice or just before due date?(15 Posts)
DH and I decided to ttc our 6th baby a few weeks ago, I had my mirena out 2 weeks ago and just had a really faint positive test this morning (its faint and I have had a number of miscarriages so not getting too excited yet! - but at some point I am hoping I WILL be pregnant which is what this AIBU is based on!)
We had so many negative and upsetting comments with dc5 - all of our children are very much wanted and we have room for them and are not short of money but tbh these comments from friends/family members really upset me while I was pregnant - once our dd was born I felt far more able to laugh it off/tell people to mind their own business!.
This time we were thinking of just not telling anyone who didnt really need to know until very close to the due date. I dont tend to get a huge bump (my babies tend to be between - 5.5 and 6 pounds) and I am size 16 anyway so even close to being due with the others I wasnt terribly obviously pregnant.
We would basically tell wider friends and family at around 36-37 weeks (the baby would be induced at 38 weeks for other reasons the same as the others). We would tell our own children just before that - they are all under 10 and are well used to a new baby arriving and so I dont think it will bother them one bit - with dc5 they just said "ok!" and that was it.
In terms of work dh and I own the company we work at and so although I will be having around a year off we can make arrangements for that pretty quietly and without having to really discuss too much with our employees/clients until the time comes for me to have over to a replacement (which will be around 35 -36 weeks assuming all goes the same as with dc5)
The only person we would tell relatively early would be our nanny as obviously we would not need her to look after the other children once I am home and so we would want to give her plenty of time to find other work.
I think thats everything....
What I am wondering is are we being really unreasonable with this - I think what I am thinking is that DH and I would be overjoyed and I just dont want the whole thing to be clouded by the kind of comments and reactions we got last time.
AIBU with this plan?
I told nobody apart from very close family and friends when pregnant with dc2. I was open about it on here (under a namechange) as I needed a place to discuss it but in rl/on fb, I never mentioned the pregnancy. I just waited until people noticed or otherwise turned up with a baby at some point.
Not for the same reasons as you. I am just quite a private person and find it intensely difficult to have every tom, dick and harry chatting to me about the contents of my uterus.
Not unreasonable at all - your baby, your body, your choice.
I know what you mean. I have 7.
I think you are being a little unreasonable though. Six pregnancies is hard on your body. If the worst happens you need people to be able to care for you properly.
Your children really need to know too. It's easy to be okay with it when you have plenty of time. Your older ones will probably be able to guess. Don't make them wonder.
Remember, if they think your hands are full they should see your heart
I do much the same. One of mine I'm pretty sure I (absently mindedly) even forgot to tell dad until 27 weeks!
But people will notice well before that surely?
What kind of negative comments fund you get? How strange that people aren't delighted to hear of a pregnancy, thought that was the normal reaction!
It is entirely up to you. A friend didn't tell anyone she was pregnant with 4 of her pregnancies. She had had two late miscarriages and didn't feel up to telling people when she was pregnant. People just guessed she was pregnant when she was visibly showing and if asked directly she told them yes.
Her children were very young at the time so she didn't tell them until the end of pregnancy.
I have four children and with everyone of them could never have hid it. I had nauseau until 18 weeks and terrible spd with all four pregnancies. I was just such a moaner about my health during pregnancy that I couldn't have kept it quiet.
Though didn't tell any of dh's side about my last pregnancy until I was over 20 weeks. Just couldn't be bothered because I was fed up with peoples responses to the news of my fourth pregnancy!
Definately understand your reasons for not wanting to tell people.
Dotty I dont think they will notice before that - I have a picture of me about a week before dc5 was born and I look like I have just had a big meal .
The comments which upset me were "jokes" in the eyes of the people saying them and if someone said it to me now I wouldnt care but when I was pregnant and managed to cry at everything under the sun they seemed far more upsetting!.
Things like telling my dh that they would bring the shears around or repeatedly saying things like "poor (dcs1-4)" which sounds really stupid writing it here I know but it was more the way these things were said! I just found it hard rightly or wrongly!
YANBU. I'm not telling anyone next time either. I stupidly to SIL that we were ttc and she told mil. So mil kept 'guessing' I was pregnant and ruined the moment when we tried to tell her. Next time I'm telling mo one! Infact, im going to maintain I'm not pregnant even when I have a huge bump!
I didn't tell anyone apart from a best friend. We told family at 6 months - mainly because when I was expecting dd1 it wasn't received well, all the comments etc. So no YANBU.
Well then it's your pregnancy, your body and your business!
We got it the other way if its any consolation; married 10 years and still no baby and someone asked us at a big gathering in front of everyone if "we wanted them to make a baby for us as we were so slow at it!"
And by the way there's nothing wrong with having as many children as you can afford and you clearly can! Enjoy your lovely and large family and I hope it all goes well for you!
Think of the oodles of grandchildren you are likely to have!!
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