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to not want to assume responsbility for the 'female' jobs in our household (Christmas related)

(74 Posts)
SandyDee81 Thu 04-Dec-14 18:43:35

In most of the other couples I know the female seems to have assumed responsibility for buying gifts, writing and sending cards etc.
AIBU to think that if DH wants his 'half' of the family to get pressies, cards he should organise this himself?

I work full time (as does he) and I don't enjoy buying / wrapping / card writing any more of less than he does.

SandyDee81 Thu 04-Dec-14 18:47:18

*or less not of less

DejaVuAllOverAgain Thu 04-Dec-14 18:47:51

YANBU Just make sure he knows he's responsible for his side of the family in plenty of time for him to organise himself. If he complains point out that you're his wife not his personal secretary or ask him what he's planning on buying your side of the family. If he says your side of the family it not his job then point out that his is not yours.

CMOTDibbler Thu 04-Dec-14 18:49:25

YANBU. The day DH worries about what to buy my mum, I'll sort his out. And I hate writing cards too.
I have made this very clear to everyone over the years

SandyDee81 Thu 04-Dec-14 18:49:35

I agree. I just hate the whole your family / my family divide

SandyDee81 Thu 04-Dec-14 18:50:21

I know I am bah humbug, but I would so opt out of Christmas if it were optional.......

CatsClaus Thu 04-Dec-14 18:50:58

when we were first together I amalgamated the christmas card lists, sorted presents, made suggestions

dh milled about saying "have we sent cards to...." "have we got a present for....." ??? and making a song and dance about how busy "WE" had been

after that first year I never did it again...we are still together, he still says "we" but absolutely knows it is not down to me

same for birthdays/anniversaries....his family, his chore!

PicaK Thu 04-Dec-14 18:57:05

I would love to do this - but DH's family silently and resentfully blame me anyway. So I've given up and awarded DH jobs other jobs I don't enjoy.

Darkesteyes Thu 04-Dec-14 18:58:53


daisychainmail Thu 04-Dec-14 19:00:48

If I didn't do my DH's side they wouldn't get anything. Would that be ok?

perplexedpirate Thu 04-Dec-14 19:00:53

DH's family hate me anyway so I'm sure as hell not going to buy them presents (with the exception of FIL, who is lovely).
DH buys them. He's known them all his life, after all.

CMOTDibbler Thu 04-Dec-14 19:04:25

Daisychainmail - if your dh doesn't want to get his family anything, then thats his choice surely?

SoMuchForSubtlety Thu 04-Dec-14 19:04:53

DH makes the occasional plaintive noise about needing to buy things for his parents and not knowing what to get. I ignore him. I buy for all the kids on both sides as it's fun, and for his sister because she was my friend before he was my husband.

confusedandemployed Thu 04-Dec-14 19:04:58

We do this. DP does his family and I do mine. It's great, and it happens because DP was alone for 5 years before we got together, and is consequently really good at all household stuff. There is no he / she divide in this house.

Idontseeanysontarans Thu 04-Dec-14 19:11:11

I do the present buying and general Christmas stuff but that's because I enjoy Christmas and all the attached bits and pieces that goes with it. He buys his Dad's present plus anything else I tell him to do and then puts up with his wife turning into Mrs Claus for 25 days smile
MIL is rather pleased that I do it - not because it's woman's work but because she'll get something she actually wants if I buy it. DH's presents tend to verge towards a new hard drive or a set of spanners..

chickydoo Thu 04-Dec-14 19:17:19

My DH ( been together 23 years) has only ever brought one person a Christmas present ( me) we don't buy for his side of the family as I won't, he can't be bothered.
I have always brought every gift for our 4 kids, and yes I wrap, & do cards, decorations & all the food too.
If I didn't do it, we'd wouldn't have a Christmas ( or any birthdays) I work full time ( and then some)
As soon as our youngest (10) is around 14, I am going on Christmas strike.

alpacasosoft Thu 04-Dec-14 19:27:47

I do my side ,he does his.
I don't do cards, stress, stress or stress.
(all pressies wrapped, food ordered and I will put the tree up in a couple of weeks.
Working over Christmas <yippee> <yes really>
Nice break over New year to relax and hit the sales <bliss>

hugoagogo Thu 04-Dec-14 19:30:14


DH buys for his side family and I buy for mine (except cute little babies they are fun to buy for so I do it. grin)

We share present buying for the dc out between us in an adhoc friendly fashion.

I too would opt out of Christmas entirely given half the chance.

aliciaj Thu 04-Dec-14 19:34:21

At ours dd1 writes all the cards as she enjoys it and I chose things for my side and he does for his side. Dh has to wrap them all though as when I do it they look like an explosive package. If I am forced to do any then I pretend the dcs helped me and thats why they look such a state!

I very much doubt that a person wouldnt get their family anything just because their wife didn't do it I expect those people would just do it in a rush near the day (unless they really disliked their family)

apotatoprintinapeartree Thu 04-Dec-14 19:35:35

I've always done it because dh does so many other things I wouldn't want to do. he doesn't mind getting his hands dirty, doing maintenance, repairs, decorating and he's the one who gets in lofts and our unlined cellar.
least I can do is some shopping and writing names on a card.

Bogeyface Thu 04-Dec-14 19:45:34

He does his, I do mine and ours. Mainly as I have the time to do the shopping for the kids which thanks to shitty shifts he doesnt have.

Often he will ask me what I think he should get for his neices as he has no clue about what teenaged girls like, but apart from that he sorts himself out.

He has a brain, I am not his mother, why would I do it for him? If they dont get anything then thats his look out and if they judged me for his lack of present buying then I would explain in no small way that it is not my job.

cheesecakemom Thu 04-Dec-14 19:48:00

If I didn't do my DH's side they wouldn't get anything. Would that be ok?

Yes this wouldn't be unreasonable. They blame me for everything do I gave up on them and let DH do it - this results in late gifts or none and a lot of upset. I just don't get involved anymore.

unclerory Thu 04-Dec-14 19:55:41

I have a Christmas list of all the jobs that need to be done. It's a very comprehensive A4 printout in very small print. DH does all the cards (which he enjoys) and buys presents for his family (which he is shite at but then, so are they, they often forget me people). I find a list at least does mean I can allocate tasks to him and he can't complain.

OOAOML Thu 04-Dec-14 20:09:45

I used to do all the cards etc then realised I was spending ages writing cards to relatives of DH that I barely knew. So I told him he would need to do them. Adults on his side of the family stopped doing presents a few years ago and we give money to charity rather than buying useless token presents. He buys for his sister's children - he works fewer days than I do so has more time, and is perfectly capable of shopping. He's not that fussed about cards so doesn't always remember, but if MIL comments to me I just remind her that he is responsible and it isn't my job just because I am married to him.

avocadotoast Thu 04-Dec-14 20:11:00

I can't even imagine doing everything shock I do my side, he does his.

Part of the reason is that on my side we tend to buy for more people, and buy bigger things (not massive, but for my parents I'll spend like £25 each whereas DH might only spend £10 each on his).

Whether that'll change once the baby is here next year, I don't know, but it certainly works for now.

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