Horrible handover at nursery today and dd not wanting to go

[pebblepots]

My just 3yo dd goes to nursery 1 morning a week since about May this year. It took her a while to settle in as I think her key worker didn't really take enough initiative and isn't very warm and cuddly in manner. She always seems to have had a great time when I pick her up.

A few weeks ago she started to say she didn't want to go, so I had a word with nursery and they are helping get her involved with playing with some of the other kids and engaging with her a bit more at handover. However she is not keen on her key worker still.

Last week she was happier to go, this morning a bit ambivalent but no fuss. When we did handover she didn't want to let go of my hand so a member of staff pried her had away from mine (she was really clinging on), told me to go and dragged her off crying, it was horrible and I regret letting it happen.

Not sure what to do now. I'm going to need to mention it at pick up that I don't want that to happen again. Also I don't think this is going to help matters next week at all!

My dd could go to her childminders for the extra morning instead (she goes there 2 days a week and all is great). She is only going to nursery as I thought she'd enjoy it (and ultimately get her used to a school-like environment) and I need a bit of time to clean the house and do jobs.

What do you think?

[MinnieM1]

One morning a week isn't enough for her to settle, I think that's the problem here not the key worker
A week can feel like an awfully long time to a little person and the other children will be there more and all know each other better, have stronger friendships etc so I bet your DD feels like a bit of an outsider
My children are in YN & Y1 and still get a bit teary when returning to school after a few days of poorly because they feel like they'll have missed loads
I think she needs to be going more or not atall, 1 morning a week is neither here nor there really

[Shelby2010]

I think that only one morning a week is not enough for her to settle in properly. Presumably a lot of the other children go full time or nearly full time and will be playing with the children they see more often than your dd.

I would either up her hours or stop it all together. Also could you ask them to change her key worker to someone she has bonded with? Another idea is to make sure you drop her off early so she can have breakfast there. This will give her a positive way to start her day there, and she can join in at the beginning of any games rather than half way through.

[Shelby2010]

X-post!!

[skylark2]

I agree - one morning a week is not enough. My DC's nursery wouldn't take any child for fewer than three sessions (so they had to be brought and dropped off at least twice a week, if two of the sessions were a whole day).

Is she still okay once you've gone? I left a screaming child at nursery 3 days a week for several years. It was horrible. But it was made bearable by the contentedly playing child I picked up in the afternoon, who never wanted to come home.

[LittleprincessinGOLDrocks]

I agree that 1 morning a week is not enough time for your child to settle. The biggest part of going to nursery is socialisation, and in the days your child is away the other children will be forming friendships and bonding. When your DD comes back after a week away she will be trying to settle back in all over again. It will be a bit like being a new starter every week.
That's hard for a 3 year old to do every week. I think upping her hours would make things a lot easier for your DD. If she could go 4 or 5 sessions a week I think she would start to form stronger bonds with class mates and look forward to seeing a few of them, which would help her go in to class in a morning.
As for leaving a crying child, sometimes you have to do it. I had to leave my son on day 2 of nursery (day 1 he skipped off no worries, but day 2 we walked in and he clung to my hand and said he didn't want me to leave). I simply slipped my hand from his placed it in to the hand of a nursery teacher I knew would be caring, and told him he would have a fantastic day with Miss XXXX and she would do so many fun things where as mummy was going to do cleaning and he would be bored. I kissed him on the cheek and said I loved him and would be back at pick up time. And I left.
I got looks and comments from other mums thinking I was heartless no doubt, but it worked. I rang nursery as soon as I got home to be told he was happily playing in the sand and he had stopped crying as soon as I left.
My son has happily skipped in to nursery (and now school) every day since. You just have to be positive with them that the will have a good time. Obviously if they cry every morning there is a reason behind it worth looking in to - I would not have left my son screaming every day, but as a one off I had to give it a go, and it worked. It might be worth a try with your DD.

[pebblepots]

Just picked her up, she was not upset today for long and has had a good time as usual which is good Thanks for the thoughts and pointers, will see how it goes for the next few weeks and decide whether to pull her out. Don't. Think upping her hours I is something I want to do.

So will she be all at sea when she starts school if she hasn't been in a nursery setting for practice?

[SoonToBeSix]

Why don't you want to up her hours if it will help her be more settled?

[Bunbaker]

When DD was little she had a tracheostomy so I had to stay with her at pre-school as her carer, and witnessed several tearful handovers. I can honestly say that the tears on handover never lasted long.

[TimelyNameChangey]

She may be a little shocked when school begins OP yes. It's very tiring for them at 4....I really think upping her hours is the kindest thing.

You only need to do 3 mornings a week and she'd be feeling far more involved. As it is, she won't manage to form any proper relationships with other children who are more full time because they forget so quickly at this age.

[hennybeans]

Could you perhaps drop a session at childminder's and move it to nursery so she's not away more, just in a different place (assuming she's content at childminder's)?
I've found with regards to settling in at school, it's very helpful if the child knows some of the children beforehand. My own priority would be to put your DD wherever she gets the most contact with others who will be in her future class, whether that be a village preschool, a nursery near the school, or a childminder who socialises at nearby playgroups. This is admittedly easier if you live in a small place where you know who the children are that will be in her class and most likely which school she will attend.

[KatieKatie1980]

Just a different opinion but I put my ds in pre school last Sep (not what I wanted, was pressured by MIL). He was 3.5 then and did 2 mornings a week. He was ok for 2 weeks and then hated it for almost 6 months. By March he had settled so well and actually asked me to go more. I then upped it.

My personal opinion is some are more ready than others and do what you feel is best. My son was never behind in learning or social activities etc, I did lots at home with him. He started reception this Sep, no issues and doing really well. He loves school!

[BingBong36]

If she is only doing one morning it will take a long time to settle, 3 sessions a week would be better and less traumatic.