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That his mind games are bu towards our son

(7 Posts)
Berrycool Thu 04-Dec-14 09:04:53

It's a long background history of an abusive violent ex who is father to our ds. Finally after years of going back and forth to court the judge ruled that contact is now to take place indirectly only. And also due to the fact that DS doesnt want to see his father.This is to be by email once monthly. Christmas cards,presents, birthday cards to be sent by registered post and cards to be sent on no more than 3 occasions in a year. He has a violent past and is currently on a two year probation term. He has sent birthday package to Ds that also contained an Easter 2014 card with "Not a day goes by I don't fight to see you, I will never give up on you, the day will come when we see each other with no problems, can't wait to see you soon as I should be anyway"
Then he writes in the birthday card "are never give up my fight for you ever, can't wait to see you very soon" he then emails DS " my fight for you will never be over, are never give up on you".
I understand that he misses his ds but he messed up, I feel that he is trying to twist ds head up I'm probably being unreasonable but feel like he is bombarding ds with the fight!

cailindana Thu 04-Dec-14 09:10:52

How old is your DS?

Berrycool Thu 04-Dec-14 09:12:49

Senior school age.

cailindana Thu 04-Dec-14 09:18:43

In that case I'd be totally honest with him - dad feels he genuinely loves you but sadly he can't show it appropriately and he can't control his aggression. You don't need to believe anything said in cards. You can choose never to see him again.
Talk to him about how all this makes him feel.

Berrycool Thu 04-Dec-14 09:25:49

It feels like emotional games he is trying to project onto ds. It has been court ordered that he is to have no direct contact for the foreseeable future. Saying that he will see him soon is wrong. It's almost like a under handed threat when he knows he is not allowed to see him. Sending an Easter card in December is strange and a little confusing to ds as he could have posted it at the right time!

cailindana Thu 04-Dec-14 09:29:11

Say that to your DS then. Dad's playing emotional games because he just doesn't know how else to deal with people. Be open about how his dad isn't allowed to see him and why. There's absolutely nothing to be gained from not being honest.

BarbarianMum Thu 04-Dec-14 09:34:19

Agree with cailindana

You could also suggest to your ds that he puts the cards away without opening them if they upset him - he can keep them for when he's older. Tell him his dad loves him (if you think that is true) but isn't a safe person to be around. Be very clear he will not have to see him.

Your ex sounds pretty messed up, so the Easter cards at Christmas may not be a deliberate mindfuck but rather the result of a pretty chaotic mental state/life.

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