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Aibu to think mufti day is only allowed because it makes schools money

(77 Posts)
Catwomum36 Wed 03-Dec-14 18:35:45

Ds and dd have mufti on Friday and as with every year they get picked on for not having hollister or superdry or addidas trainers.

Me and dh both earn under £15,000 and dc's go to school in a wealthy area. The dc's friends all live in private homes, in areas with prices £225,000 and £260,000 (the upmarket end of town). We have a council flat. Dc's friends all get iPhones, iPads, iPods, iMacs and ps4 for Xmas or birthday. They all have branded clothes.

Last mufti ds was teased because he had ankle swingers and tatty clothes. Me and dh just can't afford to my new ones even from supermarket.

I feel like I've let my children down sad because I can't buy them things their friends have. But Aibu to think schools just allow mufti because it makes them money.

Summerisle1 Wed 03-Dec-14 18:38:16

Well YA a bit U because mufti days have always been done for money. Usually for a range of good causes. However, at my dcs school there was always an option not to go in mufti.

slightlyworriednc Wed 03-Dec-14 18:39:38

The money goes to charity, not the school.

Why send your kids to a school where they don't fit in? I don't mean that horribly, but we have considered very carefully whether our children would feel 'poor' if we send them to school in a slightly more affluent borough next to ours.

sad for your children being bullied though- are they really the only ones without labels? I doubt it's true, even if it's their perception.

MollyBdenum Wed 03-Dec-14 18:40:04

DCs (primary) school never checks to see who donates, and there is never a set amount.

wanderingcloud Wed 03-Dec-14 18:40:50

In every school I've worked in Mufti was to generate money for charity and none went to the school. So YABU to suggest schools do it to raise money for themselves. But YANBU to be upset that it emphasizes the disparity between students family income. Something uniforms are good at stamping out. I would suggest if they have nothing to wear they just go in their uniform and say they forgot. There's always a handful who do this on mufti day IME.

Catwomum36 Wed 03-Dec-14 18:41:17

The schools in are side of town are bad. Bad results bad behaviour bad everything.

CastlesInTheSand Wed 03-Dec-14 18:41:41

Just go in uniform and pretend you forgot.

That's what I always did... And now it's what DS does....

manicinsomniac Wed 03-Dec-14 18:42:33

I don't think schools make money from mufti. Ours doesn't, the money goes to charity.

I think you're in a very unusual and unfortunate position having the combination of going to school in a wealthy area and not even having one properly fitting/good condition outfit for your children to wear.

So, although I really feel for kids, I think YABU. Could they borrow something to wear from a friend? Not designer or anything, children need to learn that that doesn't matter at all. But just something that fits so they don't feel self conscious.

Or even just send them in their school uniform and they can pretend they forgot?

Catwomum36 Wed 03-Dec-14 18:42:47

The mufti helps raise money for the schools new music equipment

LaurieFairyCake Wed 03-Dec-14 18:42:57

Sympathies. You can buy secondhand very cheap on EBay - I bought dd a superdry hoodie for 3.26 last year

formerbabe Wed 03-Dec-14 18:43:08

The dc's friends all live in private homes, in areas with prices £225,000 and £260,000

I wouldn't call that particularly wealthy...I take it you are not in London op!

Back to the you have any friends or family with older children who could pass you down some clothes? I don't mind mufti day being used to raise money for the school...I would rather any money I donate goes to the school rather than charity.

TheFirstOfHerName Wed 03-Dec-14 18:44:16

At DS1 & DS2's secondary school, 100% of the donations go to charity. The same thing happens at DD & DS3's primary.

Allisgood1 Wed 03-Dec-14 18:44:36

At my school mufti is definitely not for charity. It's for raising funds for the school. For example, bring a bottle for the Christmas fair tombola; bring a toy for the summer fair toy stall. All of which earn money for the school. Not against this as it goes to help build the playground or buy the bus or whatever.

Pyjamaramadrama Wed 03-Dec-14 18:45:00

I think the money goes to charity but the bullying is unacceptable.

Perhaps the school should ban branded clothing, it's fucking pathetic anyway, spoilt little shitheads.

Catwomum36 Wed 03-Dec-14 18:46:02

We are not in London no. We are in Northumberland, the houses are all 3/4 bed houses mostly detached semi detached I consider that wealthy. To be able to buy Apple products and PS4's for Xmas they are wealthy.

5ChildrenAndIt Wed 03-Dec-14 18:47:26

Dd always boycotts mufti day - and you shoulda seen her hmm face when school suggested a onesie day. She thinks it's lame.

TheFirstOfHerName Wed 03-Dec-14 18:48:33

None of my children have branded clothing, nor do they have any of the gadgets you mentioned. I have asked them if peer judgement is an issue (and offered to look for second hand branded stuff on ebay) but they have said that none of their friends care about what they have or don't have.

Pyjamaramadrama Wed 03-Dec-14 18:48:39

I do think that you need to ensure that the kids have got clothes that fit properly.

You shouldn't have to fall into the trap of brands, but you can get cheap trendy clothing from places like Primark.

Sirzy Wed 03-Dec-14 18:49:36

It's an easy way for the school to raise money be it for needed equipment or for a charity.

I sympathise with you and your children and if they are being bullied then I would mention that to the school. Perhaps look on the likes of eBay, charity shops or in supermarket sales to get some new clothes which fit which will stop some of the issue and be better in the long run than wearing clothes which don't fit.

Catwomum36 Wed 03-Dec-14 18:50:06

The friends are mostly nice people however you can't blame them for having nice things and a middle class lifestyle but mufti imo just rubs money/class in people's faces

TimelyNameChangey Wed 03-Dec-14 18:50:52

this site is more and more Daily Mail-like. People quizzing OP on why she's sent them to that school and house prices!!

OP yanbu. It is wearing.

Mintyy Wed 03-Dec-14 18:50:58

Hi Catwomum and welcome to Mumsnet.

My children go to a primary school where the pupils range from children in care up to children who live in £1.5million + houses.

If any of the teachers were aware that there was bullying going on due to the type of clothes worn on non-uniform day then they would come down on it VERY hard indeed.

I think you should let the staff know what has been going on.

Incidentally, it doen't always follow that wealthy people shower their children with expensive technology and clothing.

sara11272 Wed 03-Dec-14 18:52:19

I'm not sure that YABU. Our school dress down days are often to raise money for the school and sometimes to raise money for other charities.

I get that it's fun for the kids (most of them, anyway, obviously not fun for those who are bullied for having the 'wrong' clothes) but I do sometimes question the sense behind it.

Last year they all had to wear pjs or onesies. My girls only like wearing nighties, so I bought two sets of pjs - the money from which I could actually have given direct to the charity or school instead! Ditto next week's Christmas Jumper day - if I didn't have to buy Christmas jumpers for three DCs I would have had an extra £30 to potentially give to charity!! (Not that I necessarily WOULD have given it to charity, but you know what I mean...)

TheFirstOfHerName Wed 03-Dec-14 18:52:56

I do remember worrying about what I was wearing on mufti days when I was at school. It made me appreciate the fact that my school had uniform the rest of the time.

Sirzy Wed 03-Dec-14 18:53:22

I work in a school which is in an area which is in a pretty poor area yet plenty of children have labels/gadgets - I think a lot is probably on credit. But I don't think you can judge someone's wealth that easily by what their children have can just indicate a different way of spending their money (or spending money they don't have)

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