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To be a bit fed up about my birthday?

(32 Posts)
Catthiefkeith Wed 03-Dec-14 14:41:20

Dh is at work during the day, and I have just take a phone call asking if he is free to dj tomorrow night as a local charity has been let down. He was supposed to be spending the evening with me. sad

So bloody fed up with spending 4 nights a week by myself. I know I should be grateful that he works so hard, but the prospect of spending all day tomorrow with just dd for company and then the evening alone as usual has sent me on a bit of a downer.

MillionToOneChances Wed 03-Dec-14 14:42:20

He's not free. He's celebrating your birthday with you. Right?

MagratsHair Wed 03-Dec-14 14:42:57

Happy birthday for tomorrow.

Has he said yes he will do it?

Number3cometome Wed 03-Dec-14 14:43:19

Can't you go with him whilst he Dj's and he can celebrate and Dj?

TywysogesGymraeg Wed 03-Dec-14 14:43:34

Do you have any plans for your birthday? If so, he's not free, is he.

Otherwise, I'd tell him to take the DJ money and have a birthday celebration the day after if it were me.

Catthiefkeith Wed 03-Dec-14 14:49:36

No babysitter to go out so we were just doing wine/takeaway indoors.

He is working the next day/night, I work Saturday days, he works Saturday nights, and Sunday nights, and next week also has a gig Monday night.

He will do the gig, because a) it's a gig for the hospice his dad stayed in to give mil respite and b) it is a massive event locally and therefore great advertising. If we had plans to go out he might have turned it down, but not for a night in with a takeaway.

I wouldn't turn it down either in his shoes, I'm just pissed off with being stuck in on birthdays/weekends/Christmas Eve/ new year etc etc. sad

Fallingovercliffs Wed 03-Dec-14 15:07:44

I think you're being a bit unreasonable. You had no major plans and a charity has been let down.
Seriously, unless it's a milestone birthday is it really that big a deal?

LadyLuck10 Wed 03-Dec-14 15:11:39

Your DH is not being unreasonable as those are very good reasons to take the opportunity.
You are not unreasonable either for wanting a day to feel a bit special. Could you get a friend to come around and share the takeaway/wine with you?

Catthiefkeith Wed 03-Dec-14 15:19:56

It's not a milestone birthday, and I know I'm being a bit unreasonable. I am just fed up. sad

Number3cometome Wed 03-Dec-14 15:29:54

Totally acceptable to feel fed up, just tell him he needs to make it up to you and give him a cheeky wink.
I am sure he will smile

Catthiefkeith Wed 03-Dec-14 15:36:33

I've just booked to go and see santa at Lakeside.

I have taken the executive decision to keep dd off playschool tomorrow and indulge in some retail therapy instead.

She is 3 though, so what that actually means is I will get to look round 1 or 2 shops an see Father Christmas before she gets fed up and wants to feed the ducks/go to the park/play hide and seek.hmm

TooMuchCantBreathe Wed 03-Dec-14 15:39:54

Yanbu, you know he's done nothing wrong and you're not blaming him, being fed up about circumstances beyond anyone's control is totally reasonable! Happy birthday for tomorrow, sorry about your evening though, could you arrange an iou for another night? Not ideal but something to look forward to. Can you start looking for a local teen/student who could sit occasionally?

Catthiefkeith Wed 03-Dec-14 15:46:15

TooMuch I have looked, but we are in a small village, and the only options seem to be a teenager who has her boyfriend surgically attached to her lips or a childminder who charges £40 from 7.30 - 11.30 and £10 per hour for every half hour after that.

Bloody expensive night out that would be, and one of us would have to drive as nearest town is £20 in a cab. Each way. shock

My mum has her occasionally, but lives in the next county and has some health issues so I try to avoid it unless it is a really pressing event or emergency.

Catthiefkeith Wed 03-Dec-14 15:46:47

TooMuch I have looked, but we are in a small village, and the only options seem to be a teenager who has her boyfriend surgically attached to her lips or a childminder who charges £40 from 7.30 - 11.30 and £10 per hour for every half hour after that.

Bloody expensive night out that would be, and one of us would have to drive as nearest town is £20 in a cab. Each way. shock

My mum has her occasionally, but lives in the next county and has some health issues so I try to avoid it unless it is a really pressing event or emergency.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Wed 03-Dec-14 15:46:59

Postpone your birthday. We had to do this with mine because the children were sick. Dh had taken the day off work and we'd booked a vvv swanky lunch and were planning all sorts of non-child friendly shenanigans.

I spent the day catching up on work missed the day before while dh looked after poorly dc sad

We're going to have some fun in January instead. Hopefully.

Catthiefkeith Wed 03-Dec-14 15:47:41

TooMuch I have looked, but we are in a small village, and the only options seem to be a teenager who has her boyfriend surgically attached to her lips or a childminder who charges £40 from 7.30 - 11.30 and £10 per hour for every half hour after that.

Bloody expensive night out that would be, and one of us would have to drive as nearest town is £20 in a cab. Each way. shock

My mum has her occasionally, but lives in the next county and has some health issues so I try to avoid it unless it is a really pressing event or emergency.

Catthiefkeith Wed 03-Dec-14 15:48:31

blushblushblush Sorry about the multiple posts

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 03-Dec-14 15:49:49

Any friendly mums from your DD's playschool who can pop over tomorrow evening for an hour or two, or neighbours?

MaryWestmacott Wed 03-Dec-14 15:51:22

YANBU - just because you didn't have big plans, doesn't mean your birthday should pass by with no celebration. does he have any holiday leave left for this year from his main job? Could he book a day off work for Friday or Monday and do a day with you? Even better if you ahve any local friends who'd pick DD up from pre-school/look after her for a couple of hours so you could go out for lunch.

Catthiefkeith Wed 03-Dec-14 15:53:58

He's a self employed sub contractor so would lose in the region of £100-£150 if he took the day off. sad

I have sent a couple of texts to friends, but it is pretty short notice so no takers yet for takeaway and wine at my house. sad

operaha Wed 03-Dec-14 15:55:19

Your dh and you both sound lovely. My dp djs too and does loads for charity so could well imagine a similar situation.

It's a shame, but with the best intention. I would definitely have a friend over for wine and make sure he makes it up to you at some point.
He sounds like one of the good ones smile thanks

apotatoprintinapeartree Wed 03-Dec-14 15:59:34

You have my sympathy OP

I think the only day we had that wasn't cancelled due to work was our wedding.

No honeymoon, anniversaries, birthdays, etc. We do get xmas day together.

My dh is a musician, if he doesn't work we don't pay the bills or eat. grin
I was an entertainer before we married so it was even worse.
We have a dd who looks like she is entering the industry too.

Just grab the time when you have it and celebrate the nearest occasion as to when you have no work grin

Happy Birthday thanks

Catthiefkeith Wed 03-Dec-14 16:00:16

Sigh.

He is one of the good ones, and I will just suck it up. I just wanted an uncharitable little moan about it I suppose.

Please excuse any self pitying 'nobody loves me and I am all alone on my birthday' type threads tomorrow night when I've consumed both bottles of naice red I'd got in especially, all by myself!

MaryWestmacott Wed 03-Dec-14 16:03:27

OP - I think if you work weekends, and he works weekdays and evenings, you need to sit down after christmas and plan out how many holiday days he'll take off and which ones you'd like him to take, because it's unhealthy to just work all the time except a week inthe summer and the odd day here and there when you've got an event on. In that, perhaps you could agree to book both of yours and your DD's birthdays off. So not look at it as just losing £150, but you've budgetted for a certain amount of holiday leave, including days for you 2.

Is the DJing paid? If so, can you use that to get a babysitter another evening? There's a lot to be said for offering to look after other mum's DCs from your preschool so they can have a night out/get to the dentist etc and then have some favours you can call in for nights out.

Catthiefkeith Wed 03-Dec-14 16:27:19

It is paid Mary, yes.

It is partly my fault, due to an experience in my childhood I am uncomfortable leaving dd with anyone other than immediate family or one very close friend.

We do need to sort it out though, I have virtually no social life at all now, and can't remember the last time I went out in the evening without dh. blush

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