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to think he should have dealt with this

(61 Posts)
belle1974 Wed 03-Dec-14 14:37:14

Background We have 2 primary aged boys 10 and 8. 8 year old mild sen. We also have a 2 year old dd who doesn't go to childcare. I am seasonal self employed but will probably work on average 10 hours per week during the busy Christmas period. Much of this is done whilst looking after toddler although dh has her at weekend events.
Dh works long hours. 6.30 to 7pm including commute on average Monday to Friday. Because of this he doesn't do more than the odd club pick up during the week. I do virtually all the childcare unless physically not there. (even weekends. he changed the odd nappy but thats it) He may cook one meal at the weekend and might wash up once a month on average. I do and indeed have always done all night wakings even if I am working next day. dd still breastfed.
He in theory does garden and diy but he hasn't had much to do recently. He also does finances and occassionally takes rubbish out. I maybe do 90 per cent and he does 10.
I deal with all school stuff, medical, dental etc
So dh had a day off work Friday to go to an exhibition. He was home quite early but still did very little except one school and one club run. Saturday he was out all day doing a hobby. I was at home with dc and sadly discovered one of our guinea pigs had died. I dealt with informing dc which was especially hard for middle child. Dh came home so I warned him not to make a fuss as dc upset. He moaned that he wasn't going to bury him as he didn't want to risk digging up other pets.
So Sunday was spent with me handwashing uniforms (washing machine broken and awaiting replacement) and doing general house stuff. Dh didn't do much apart from tidying up some of his stuff. I went out for the afternoon with oldest so dh had youngest 2 for a few hours.
So come Monday I go to feed guinea pig and find it still dead in the cage.
Aibu to think he should have dealt with this at least.
I haven't spoken to him yet as I was working last night.
sorry long and ranty

Varya Wed 03-Dec-14 14:43:29

Mine is really dead lazy. Has to be told, reminded and yet still forgets to take his share of the chores! Wears me down and you as well with your DH.

TywysogesGymraeg Wed 03-Dec-14 14:46:14

Sounds like a typical busy man TBH. Just stick GP in the bin, or hole in the ground. It won't take either of you long, and isn't worth an argument.

CSIGingerbread Wed 03-Dec-14 14:46:27

YANBU - that's disrespectful and bloody lazy, especially when you've dealt with the upset children. The very least he could have done was take the animals out, wrap it up and place to one side away from view. Was it left with another animal for those 2 days or a cage of its own?

Macloveswill Wed 03-Dec-14 14:46:30

No YANBU....that's disgraceful. Give him hell!!

Funkytown Wed 03-Dec-14 14:47:17

so he has left your children's dead pet in the cage from saturday until wednesday that is disgusting .
what if one of the children went to stroke/feed the other one and found the dead one.
I'm sorry but i would go crazy

yadnbu

ThinkIveBeenHacked Wed 03-Dec-14 14:50:24

In general I think there is more to this than the GP, but I do have to ask why you didnt just deal with the GP when you found it dead in the cage?

weegiemum Wed 03-Dec-14 14:52:04

Sounds like no one was taking care of the gps to leave a dead one in there!

My gps are squeakily awful - no chance they don't know that someone has died.

Guinea pig cruelty IMO.

DoJo Wed 03-Dec-14 14:53:46

I'm not sure I understand why you didn't deal with it when you discovered it? And when he said he wasn't going to bury it for fear of disturbing other pet graves, did you actually reach a conclusion about how was going to deal with it and how? If he had agreed to handle it and didn't, then I can understand why you are annoyed, but I would have assumed that the person who discovers something like this will deal with it unless you made a decision to wait until the children were in bed or something.
Honestly, it sounds as though you have a general disconnect about the housework and how it is divided up and this is just a manifestation of it. Perhaps it would be such a big deal to you if you felt as though he was pulling his weight elsewhere.

HeartShapedBox Wed 03-Dec-14 14:54:21

did the guinea pigs not get fed on Sunday?
or did he feed the other one and leave the body there?

why didn't you just remove it on Saturday? confused

Summerisle1 Wed 03-Dec-14 14:58:05

Yes. He should have dealt with this. However, I really think you should have discreetly removed the dead guinea pig as soon as it was found and at least bag it up for disposal. Then check, on your return, that he'd done as asked.

Only leaving a dead and about to decompose guinea pig in a cage for days would have been a deal more upsetting for your children if they'd discovered it.

I accept that your dh should have had the decency and commonsense to do what he was asked and do it then. But I really think you could have followed this up much earlier.

SnowSpot Wed 03-Dec-14 15:06:07

Genuinely can't work out how this happened !!!
Where are these GPs kept? Siberia? Why were they neglected that long by BOTH of you? Don't you, your DH or the kids give fresh water and new hay daily so would have noticed a decomposing corpse?
I think your DH was cruel, but that ALL of you need to consider that you are not taking care of these poor little sods properly and that looking after GPs properly is more important than handwashing stuff or 'tidying stuff' in the house.
Frankly shocked at both of you.

sunflower49 Wed 03-Dec-14 15:09:59

Sorry OP if I have read correctly I agree with snowspot.

lem73 Wed 03-Dec-14 15:13:48

I don't understand how someone could find a dead animal even a little one and not deal with it immediately. If you found it why didn't you deal with it? And when he disagreed why did you think he would do it anyway?? Why did you not follow up to make sure it was done? This makes no sense.
It does sound like your dh works long hours. He could do a little bit more but you sound a little too bitter about it. Bloody hell he's out of the house for over 12 hours a day.

hotfuzzra Wed 03-Dec-14 15:14:13

Did he know you hadn't dealt with it?
When he told you he wasn't going to bury it, did you say something like 'Well can you at least get it out the cage' etc?
It sounds like a massive miscommunication, I can understand why you're pissed off but if you didn't tell him it was still in there and told him not to make a fuss maybe he thought you meant it was sorted, don't drag it up all over again etc and he assumed you'd done it?
<trying to see the best...>

belle1974 Wed 03-Dec-14 16:33:20

The remaining guinea pig has been fed my me. When I discovered it I actually felt quite sick. My toddler and other dc were inside so I didn't want to do much. We have a double hutch so I blocked off hutch with dead gp in and covered it. I wasn't sure we could just bin him. By Monday I was able to sort it whilst older 2 at school and toddler asleep. Just hoped he would have done it.

belle1974 Wed 03-Dec-14 16:35:22

I did say it was still in the cage and that it needed sorting on Saturday. Tbh at that stage dc were my priority.

belle1974 Wed 03-Dec-14 16:39:42

I don't know I probably wasn't thinking straight. Too busy dealing with aus meltdown and toddler tantums. Incidently the gp food is stored in an outside store which is leaking. I asked him to look at that too but his answer was to tell me to use a plastic cereal box.

GahBuggerit Wed 03-Dec-14 17:21:42

TBH you are both in the wrong here. This isn't about emptying a bin, washing the dishes etc, who does 90%/ who does 0% blah blah blah, a pet has died. Its really not the time for competitive busy-ness and it should have been dealt with there and then.

I couldn't imagine finding one of my pets dead and just leaving it there. I worked 47 hours a week, was still BFing and did all the housework, teas etc and still managed to find 5 mins to bury a fucking goldfish with full on ceremony and speech by DS!!!!

GahBuggerit Wed 03-Dec-14 17:27:11

also I thought GPs needed feeding a little every day??? They were left for at least 2 days, one of them with his dead buddy without anyone even looking in on them? Maybe consider re-homing?

belle1974 Wed 03-Dec-14 17:31:32

Fair point.*gah*. I guess I didn't want 2 year old to see it and she is into everything at the moment so couldn't really concentrate.She napped in the afternoon on Sunday when I was out so I though dh might use his initiative and deal with it than. I expect he used that timd to have a snooze in front of footy.
o well I have abit more perspective now to talk when he returns tonight from his work conference/jolly.

eeyoreeeyoreoh Wed 03-Dec-14 17:33:33

YANBU on him needing to pull his weight. I don't see why he gets the weekends off and he doesn't. And to whoever said "he works 12 hours a day" so does the OP - when he's at work she's working doing the childcare.

He needs to sort himself out.

The guinea pig thing is just horrible, though. Take it out, put it in a shoe box, wrap it up or whatever and THEN ask him to deal with it. You don't leave it in there like that, poor GPs sad

OnlyLovers Wed 03-Dec-14 17:39:11

YANBU. That's a disgrace (the guinea pig and his general lack of pulling his weight). Is he stupid? Or just taking the piss?

Bwaahaahaaa at 'Sounds like a typical busy man'. Are they busier than a busy woman?

belle1974 Wed 03-Dec-14 17:44:44

its ok gp has been dealt with. I did it on Monday whilst dd napped. Hated doing though as I an quite squamish about stuff like that.

Sickofthesnow Wed 03-Dec-14 17:50:49

So who fed/dealt with water/checked they weren't frozen to death if outside - of the guinea pigs on the Sunday?
Yes possibly he could have got stuck in a bit more on Sunday with other things BUT you are both guilty of ignoring the poor animals!
Not that everyone agrees with me, but I keep guinea pigs as pets and rescues on top, and to leave a dead cage mate with the other piggy is cruel, avoidable and unacceptable. They grieve just as humans do and imagine being left with your dead best friend for a couple of days before someone bothered to deal with you?

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