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to think he should have fucking asked me?

(65 Posts)
FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle Wed 03-Dec-14 11:56:22

exhusband has got me a ticket to an event tonight.

He didn't ask.

I don't want to go.

DD is going, which I'm fine with - I have her tonight and I'm going to dump and run. (she's 16) or at least, I was. But he's got me a ticket. And he's now getting stroppy that it's a waste of money and he got me and ticket and and and

He's not going btw.

So, AIBU that he should've fucking asked me if I wanted to go, and if I did I'd have bought my own fucking ticket?

Yes he should have asked

But

In some ways he was damned if he did and damned if he didn't. He had arranged for DD to do something on one of your nights and gave you the opportunity to go along.

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle Wed 03-Dec-14 12:00:54

At 16 she does pretty much as she pleases, and I hardly ever go to anything! She doesn't want her mother going with her grin

Hatespiders Wed 03-Dec-14 12:02:47

What do you think was behind this ticket business? Controlling behaviour, or just goodwill? Is it a ticket he bought for someone else who now can't go, and you were the 'second choice'? And would your daughter like your company at the concert? I agree you should have been consulted, but perhaps it's very dignified and gracious to accept and enjoy the event? I see you sound quite angry though, so maybe you'd prefer to decline.
You say you don't want to go, but it that because you don't like that particular kind of music, or because you don't like his lack of consultation?

InfinitySeven Wed 03-Dec-14 12:03:07

Give it to DD to give to a friend and say that you had plans as you weren't aware, but DD took a friend and was very pleased.

TicTicBOOM Wed 03-Dec-14 12:03:14

Well maybe, but I wouldn't be annoyed, it does seem as though he was trying to be nice.

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle Wed 03-Dec-14 12:04:30

If I don't go, it will become a stick to beat me with "I bought you a ticket and you didn't go"

Discopanda Wed 03-Dec-14 12:25:59

Is this event perhaps something you used to all do together like Christmas panto or a favourite band? He may have thought he was just being nice but he should have asked first instead of putting you in this situation.

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle Wed 03-Dec-14 12:27:39

Nope. Nothing we ever would have gone to together. In fact, we have never ever gone to it before. Ever.

He thought it would be nice. So he bought me a ticket. And now I'm going to seem like an ungrateful bitch if I don't go.

ArcheryAnnie Wed 03-Dec-14 12:29:54

YANBU. I feel for you, Frau. It's presumptious of him (and exactly the kind of thing I'd have expected from my ex at one time, though now he knows better). You are in a double-bind, because not only are you corralled into something you don't want to do, you are expected to be grateful for it.

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle Wed 03-Dec-14 12:32:31

Archery - that's it exactly. I'm caught between the devil and the deep blue. Go and I'll be pissed off because I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING BE THERE AND I NEVER ASKED HIM TO GET ME A TICKET and I'll have to thank him and don't go and he'll be sanctimonously pratting at me about he bought me a fucking ticket.

gamerchick Wed 03-Dec-14 12:32:35

Why do you care.. you said he's an ex? Tell him to go if it's important.

If my ex did something like that I wouldn't give a toss if he botched about it when I said no.

gamerchick Wed 03-Dec-14 12:33:39

*bitched

Fudgeface123 Wed 03-Dec-14 12:33:53

You didn't ask for the ticket, you don't want to go. Don't go and tell him he should have asked before he bought the ticket. Don't let him guilt you into going

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle Wed 03-Dec-14 12:34:21

He's not going. He's already told me that.

But he bought me a ticket. He was only trying to be nice. He thought he was doing a good thing.

But he didn't fucking ask me.

For the record. I'm not going and he can girn all he likes about the waste of money.

Coz apparently I should have told him I didn't want to go.

Well, if I wanted to go I'D HAVE BOUGHT MY OWN FUCKING TICKET YOU KNOB.

And breathe.

IsabeauMichelle Wed 03-Dec-14 12:34:57

What's it for, out of interest?

Oldraver Wed 03-Dec-14 12:35:45

You dont have to go, and you dont have to thank him. You also dont have to listen to him

TheBatteriesHaveRunOut Wed 03-Dec-14 12:36:24

Reciprocate.

Get him a ticket to an event dd would love to go to and he would utterly hate.

Or maybe just buy him something he'll never use - like ballet shoes or jodhpurs or a crochet hook or membership of the One Direction fan club - and then whinge like a fucker that he's not made use of the thing that you carefully and lovingly shelled out on.

And yes, he should have asked you. You are not obliged to spend the evening doing something you find boring/unpleasant/annoying/meh purely to please your ex. Because that would be fucking bonkers, wouldn't it. You're not going for dd's sake, presumably, you would be going to keep him from bleating about it.

Waitingonasunnyday Wed 03-Dec-14 12:37:23

He sounds like a tosser. Why doesn't he give the spare ticket to DD and then she can take a friend?

TheBatteriesHaveRunOut Wed 03-Dec-14 12:38:49

.....what I mean by my last garbled sentence is that you would not be going because dd wants you to, you would be going purely to keep the peace with her nob of a father.

Is she happy to go on her own?

MissPenelopeLumawoo2 Wed 03-Dec-14 12:39:10

Does he expect you to pay him back for the ticket? If not, just don't go. If he does, then he is being mega U to have not checked first.

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle Wed 03-Dec-14 12:41:08

She is happy to go on her own (well I assume so - I've texted her, no reply yet, but she's 16 she won't need me there)

Don't think he's expecting me to pay him the ticket price (v small amount of money) but god help him if he dares ask me for it.

R4roger Wed 03-Dec-14 12:41:54

can she take a friend?? seems a shame to waste a ticket, and surely she would prefer to have some company.
but no, he shouldnt have expected you to go!

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle Wed 03-Dec-14 12:43:25

She has other friends who will be there already - I don't expect she'll even sit with me!

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 Wed 03-Dec-14 12:47:57

He is your EX

I can't understand the issue.

He is your EX.

You don't have to put up with this.

You shouldnt give a damn whether he thinks you're ungrateful or not.

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