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Boss calling when off sick - AIBU?

(13 Posts)
DealForTheKids Tue 02-Dec-14 21:27:53

I am off sick with the flu. Sadly the actual flu, not manflu looking at you DH . As in, can't get out of bed, sleeping about 16 hours a day, hacking cough, shivering, fever, the works. Am having brief interludes of feeling ok (usually when dosed up on various drugs) but am in no state to step outside, let alone get to work. Luckily have MN to distract smile

Anyway, I came down with this on Sunday. My boss was abroad on business all day Monday, but rang on Monday night to say that he hoped I felt better soon and shouldn't even consider coming in until I felt better. Really lovely.

I emailed this morning to confirm I wouldn't be in again and received a lovely email back confirming email.

This evening he has called my mobile three times - 5pm, 7pm and 9pm. He left voicemails on the 5pm and 9pm calls. The first one was a reiteration of yesterday's vm, don't come in until better, we all miss you etc. The 9pm one said the same and he was worried not to have heard from me and could I call back to let him know I was alright? There's no suggestion this is anything to do with urgent work.

I live with DH which he is aware so no concern I'm on my own with turn for the worse or anything. I haven't picked up any of his calls because I've either been asleep or I'm awake but I have the sodding flu.

AIBU to think that I shouldn't have to call back and that 3 calls is excessive when he is aware I am ill?

So as not to drip feed, DH and I went on holiday this summer for one week and I received a text when I landed to say he hoped we got there safely. I then turned off my data (because, holiday) and when I got back I had 6 texts over the week, the last two asking me to contact him because he was 'very worried not to have heard from me'. He also frequently sends me chatty texts on the weekend letting me know what he's up to at home, which I usually 'forget' to text back to.

Loletta Tue 02-Dec-14 21:30:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouAreMyRain Tue 02-Dec-14 21:33:43

He sounds very unprofessional, too overly concerned for your welfare and fancies you.

Is it a small company or a big one? Sometimes in small family-run firms, professionalism can be lacking due to limited experience and training.

zeezeek Tue 02-Dec-14 21:37:39

I agree with Loletta. There's no way he should be contacting you for work purposes whilst you are on sick leave and, from what you've said, it does sound as if he's getting too personal.

I'm not sure what would be the best course of action, to be honest. I know how I would handle it with my boss, but I don't know yours and don't know how he would respond; but, at some point, you are going to have to have a discussion about boundaries.

I wish you luck.

And get better soon.

DealForTheKids Tue 02-Dec-14 21:37:56

I don't want to be too identifying but I'm in a mid-sized private company in a 1:1 administrative role. He is Head of Dept. I've worked for him for a few yrs and whilst he's never hit on me, he's said he considers himself quite 'fatherly' to me - there's a large age gap between us.

I think this has been building for a while and I need to tackle it on my return to work, but I really just need confirmation that this is unprofessional and I'm not sounding daft in suggesting it's inappropriate!

FoxgloveFairy Tue 02-Dec-14 21:38:30

Hmmm.... Sounds like very passive aggressive concern to me. He knows it's the flu. Horrible, but unlikely to be fatal and you are not living alone, so it isn't like you are going to dead for days and eaten by the cat if you take a turn for the worse. The two hourly phone calls, between 5 and 9pm are inappropriate in my view. I'm guessing you have sick notes for this time, so, if you haven't already, send them in and maybe e-mail him and say that it is really kind of him to be so concerned, but that you are sleeping a lot and if you are not responding to his calls, that is probably why. Let him know that you are well cared of and that you will keep in regular e-mail touch with developments re. Coming back etc. Hope you feel better soon! flowers

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig Tue 02-Dec-14 21:38:45

Yep, waaay over invested in you. Not sure what you can do about it though, other than ignore him, could you get away with that? Would it have repercussions?

DealForTheKids Tue 02-Dec-14 21:38:48

Thanks ZeeZeek - and sorry if I sound a bit silly in the above, my brain's a bit foggy at the moment...

florencedombey Tue 02-Dec-14 21:41:52

At my workplace it is policy for people who are off sick to phone their manager each day - just leaving an email wouldn't be acceptable. Maybe he just wants to hear your voice so he can assess for himself how poorly you sound?

FoxgloveFairy Tue 02-Dec-14 21:43:18

That'll teach me to read properly! Didn't take in the bit on your holiday. He sounds a bit (a lot) overly interested in you. Difficult one. Fatherly interest? Prehaps. A little misdirected though. Sexual interest? Possible.

zeezeek Tue 02-Dec-14 22:08:51

DealForTheKids - you don't sound silly at all. You are ill and you don't need this extra hassle in your life.

you said that your boss take a "fatherly interest" in you - well mine does in me and he's also a close friend of my DH, but he knows his boundaries and when I was ill, following an accident and unable to cope with anything to do with work, he kept his distance and when we did see/talk to each other he made it clear that it was in his role as DH's friend.

Your boss is overstepping the mark. In particular the out of hours phone calls - that's completely inappropriate.

whois Tue 02-Dec-14 22:14:10

Yeah he's overstepping but doesn't sound too sinister if he hasn't actually tried to hit on you before or anything? Probably now isn't the best time to try and deal with it since you're feeling so ill.

Maybe send a text "still feeling really Ilol, mainly sleeping, high temp. I'll get in touch when feeling better."

Then try and move the relationship on a more professional basis once you're back to fighting fitness. Not sure how you would do that tho.

taxi4ballet Wed 03-Dec-14 01:25:02

Could you get your DH to ring him up and tell him you're still not well, and that he's looking after you?

Might dampen the 'fatherly concern' business...

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