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No presents for married people!

(55 Posts)
kikkomum Tue 02-Dec-14 14:08:55

DH and I got married last year. At some point before Christmas MIL made it clear that they wouldn't be buying us Christmas presents and wouldn't be expecting any from us. I went along with it last year, slightly bemused - I think the reason is that there's not much they want (their needs are few and simple) and they would just end up with something that they didn't want or need. It's definitely not for financial reasons.

This year we had our baby girl. We've had some photos done of her and PILS will get one of those (and maybe a photo book if I get round to it).

Maybe this isn't an aibu as I don't give to receive presents - it's just nice to choose things you think people will enjoy and there's always a book or similar that I would appreciate. I guess I'm wondering how common place it is not to receive presents from your parents (in DH's case) or PILs in my case.

ilovepowerhoop Tue 02-Dec-14 14:13:26

we tend to just give to the children in our family although I get my mum something and also get something for my unmarried brother who has no partner/children as he gets things for my 2.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream Tue 02-Dec-14 14:13:35

Very common. My parents in law don't buy for us at Xmas and vice versa- just the kids get gifts. I'm fine with it. Do you really need or want extra stuff?

Fudgeface123 Tue 02-Dec-14 14:18:05

I don't see why grown adults want/need presents if I'm honest.

Aherdofmims Tue 02-Dec-14 14:20:17

I have been telling people not to buy for DH and I now we have 2 kids - seems unfair if our family get 4 presents and others get only one (single person) or two (couple).

101handbags Tue 02-Dec-14 14:20:23

I buy for my nephew and godchildren. I don't buy for my mum, sister or brother-in-law & they don't buy for me either. DP gets me something even though I tell him not to. We don't need anything. So children only in our family too.

ApocalypseThen Tue 02-Dec-14 14:22:03

I only buy for my mam and the nieces and nephews. Certainly wouldn't want anything.

kikkomum Tue 02-Dec-14 14:23:03

I do like getting presents and it just felt a bit strange last year swapping nothing!
Oh well, Christmas will be very different this year now DD is on the scene.
I'd never heard of spending Christmas with family and not having presents until last year - seems it's more common than I thought. Thanks for your replies.

BramwellBrown Tue 02-Dec-14 14:33:42

Everybody in our family buys a token gift for everyone else but only children get proper presents. Apart from MIL, she goes crazy buying DH crap (as in a whole big box full of odds and ends) then doesn't give me so much as a card hmm SIL's boyfriend gets presents though so I think it's just coz MIL hates me

bigbluestars Tue 02-Dec-14 14:34:52

We do exchange gifts, but very modest ones- and not just tat, usually something useful or edible.
My OH usually gets a bottle of Port from his Stepmother which he enjoys I will get a scented candle or chocolates which I do use/eat. I think a token gift is nice. We return something similar.

NobodyLivesHere Tue 02-Dec-14 14:36:55

Only Kids get presents here.

ouryve Tue 02-Dec-14 14:38:26

We just give to the kids in our family. It was actually me who broached the subject - everyone else just breathed a sigh of relief!

ouryve Tue 02-Dec-14 14:41:34

I'll clarify that's for my family. We always put a hamper of nice foodie things together for my in-laws.

GooodMythicalMorning Tue 02-Dec-14 14:45:33

We always do gifts but wish we either did token ones or didnt as there is quite a few of us and its getting very expensive.

LordEmsworth Tue 02-Dec-14 14:46:53

I feel like I should apologise for both liking to receive gifts, and enjoying buying them for grown up family members. Married or not (when did married become synonymous with grown up?)

Hikingmummy Tue 02-Dec-14 14:48:50

My DH and I will be getting each other presents and on my side of the family we are doing a "Secret Santa" for the adults (£30 budget but I think it was about £15 a couple of years ago). On DH's side of the family adults are swapping presents as normal but we only have MIL, BIL and SIL to buy for so doesn't make too much difference. Now we have DS (15 months old) I am happier for the focus of presents to be on the children.

I have to admit that it took me a while to get used to when we agreed to first do it a couple of years ago but I'm happy with the approach now. smile

CandidConfessions Tue 02-Dec-14 14:51:08

I have the opposite issue with my in laws, so many presents to all the adults that we can't afford to match. its mad.

cogitosum Tue 02-Dec-14 14:51:40

I still get a whole sack from my DPs [BLUSH]

In my defence I've told them not to but DM particularly enjoys it and they can afford it

Kahlua4me Tue 02-Dec-14 14:58:40

We do Secret Santa on my side, and only kids on dh's side. We do get something for my fil though, just not for bils and their wives. On my side of family ours are the only dc, but on dh's side there are lots!

Suits us all fine. Only get dh a token gift from me and dc get him something. Christmas is expensive enough without buying presents that people don't need anything really and are already buying for dc.

littlejohnnydory Tue 02-Dec-14 14:58:58

Neither parents or PIL exchange giftswith us here and when ffriends have had children I've just bought forthe children from then on. I think it's very commonplace. I don't want parents to buy for us because then we'd have to buy for them and I'd rather spend the money on the children, plus it keeps the hassle of Christmas down.

Gabor7G Tue 02-Dec-14 14:59:57

I am a grumpy one!
I loathe the whole obligatory present swap thing at Christmas. Your ILs have made it clear that they would like to be excused - excuse them! Simply swap presents with those who wish to take part.
If you wish buy something a bit nicer for your DP/both of you with the extra cash.
I'm sure they will love the photo of their grandaughter - just don't wrap it up and make it a Christmas present.

juneau Tue 02-Dec-14 15:02:01

Yes, we all buy for each other in my family - the only exception being my siblings with kids - in which case we buy for the kids, but not the parents of the kids as otherwise the financial outlay is absurd! But I come from a big blended family with lots of step-relatives and that's before you add in all our various ILs too.

Kewcumber Tue 02-Dec-14 15:02:13

I feel like I should apologise for both liking to receive gifts, and enjoying buying them for grown up family members.

Me too. Surely its the norm to buy close family presents to swap (of whatever value)

DS is the only child in our family it would be a very odd Christmas indeed if we all sat watching him open his presents. Its good for him to learn to be thoughtful about buying presents and enjoying watching other people get things they like.

NickyEds Tue 02-Dec-14 15:22:51

cogitosum smile I'm 35 with a ds and another on the way and my Dad rang last night to ask for my list for santa!!! We all get each other stuff for Christmas but don't really go mad price wise

Innocuoususername Tue 02-Dec-14 15:38:42

For the first time this year we won't be swapping with my parents. Nobody is particularly good at gift buying and it was getting a bit ridiculous, we'd tell them what we wanted and vice versa, often we couldn't think of anything. I think my mum was relieved when I broached the subject, now we've just got to get PILs on board for next year!

Instead we'll spend the money on a nice day out for all of us after Xmas. The older I get the more I think that that the best gift you can give somebody is your time and attention.

They will buy something modest for the DCs though, and we will contribute food to the celebrations at their house.

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