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Inheritance row

(147 Posts)
Nutmeg303 Tue 02-Dec-14 12:36:28

I'm new to the site, so hello everyone.
I have been told I have inherited some money from a friend of my mother's. She and my father have also inherited the same amount. She's a little upset that my siblings have been left out. She has told me that she is sharing the money with my dad, so I should be sharing the money I have inherited with my siblings. She argues this by saying that her friend must have forgotten their names, but she knew her and she is sure this is what she wanted. She is also angry that because she is sharing with my dad, she feels she is getting less than me.

I hate arguments and I love my siblings and my plan was to give them a third of my inheritance, which is a substantial amount. I would like to keep the rest of the money for my own family. I need a sanity check here - but do you think I am being unreasonable? I am under intense pressure, and my dad doesn't stand up to her and I know that my siblings will probably agree with her because they stand to benefit so i feel quite isolated.
Thanks everyone in advance

Riverland Tue 02-Dec-14 12:39:57

YABVU, yes. Unless there is a good reason you believe you should have more than your siblings.

I assume your relative left the dosh to you trusting you'd divvy up fairly.

CakeAndWineAreAFoodGroup Tue 02-Dec-14 12:39:57

If she wanted your siblings to inherit then she would have named them.

Up to your mother if she chooses to share hers, but she cannot dictate what you do with your inheritance.

MardyBra Tue 02-Dec-14 12:41:54

The money's been left to you. Unless there is a reason ( like dementia) which stopped your mum's friend from naming your siblings then YANBU

CleanLinesSharpEdges Tue 02-Dec-14 12:42:17

Your money, left to you, with no instructions on what you should do with it, so entirely up to you.

If she'd wanted your siblings to have a share she would have left them a share.

shakemysilliesout Tue 02-Dec-14 12:42:43

It's up to you - if u don't share will your family get over it or not? Does that bother you?

Chattymummyhere Tue 02-Dec-14 12:42:47

Stick to your own plan. If this friend had wanted your siblings or anybody else to have the money she would of left it to them. Even forgetting on names is easy "I wish to leave X to dear friends name and split X equally between dear friends name children"

Give your siblings what you want and stick the rest in to savings/house and tell your mother you now cannt access IT for X amount of time without huge fee's, or say since everyone was arguing you gave X to each sibling keeping the same X for yourself and donated the rest to a good cause.

MardyBra Tue 02-Dec-14 12:43:14

Did you have a closer relationship with this woman than your siblings?

Forestdew Tue 02-Dec-14 12:43:38

Do you have any idea why she might have left it to you and to to your siblings? I would share because I would want my siblings to share if it were the other way round, unless of course you can think of a very good reason as to why only you were named.

PandasRock Tue 02-Dec-14 12:43:56

If the friend had wanted you to pass on the money, then she should have mentioned it (in the will, or in person).

I inherited money from a relative, and was also 'given' my brothers share to look after (he had disappeared for a while) until he turned up. But it was always mine + his, iyswim, set out properly.

You have inherited this money. It is yours to do with as you wish, but others do not get to dictate what you do with it. If your mother is so put out that your siblings have not benefitted, then she could always share hers further.

Riverland Tue 02-Dec-14 12:44:40

Money is potentially so divisive, isn't it! You are feeling so isolated in your decision to not share fairly, but you'd like to go ahead anyway, and create a lifetimes resentment against yourself.

Was your relative hoping to exclude your siblings? Did she only care for you?

StupidFlanders Tue 02-Dec-14 12:46:03

Unless I felt that I had a substantial relationship with the person and my siblings didn't I would assume that she had forgotten their names if my mother said so but it seems strange.

I am interested to see what others think.

SolomanDaisy Tue 02-Dec-14 12:48:25

Why on earth does your mother think this woman would have wanted to leave money to people whose name she couldn't remember? She's also being ridiculous about sharing with your dad, that's just what happens with married couples. Having said that I would share with siblings, I think. Your offer of a third is fine though. If the difference between that and what your mother thinks you should do is quite small, it might be easier just do what she wants, but you're perfectly entitled not to.

Riverland Tue 02-Dec-14 12:50:47

What a person is 'entitled' to do, and what Good Conscience does, is not always the same thing!

Andrewofgg Tue 02-Dec-14 12:50:51

Entirely up to you - not your mother's business. The will says what it says.

FryOneFatManic Tue 02-Dec-14 12:51:58

Stick to your plan.

As others said, if the money was to go to your siblings, it would have been in the will. She may have forgotten the names of the siblings, but the solicitor drawing up the will would have helped there, and in the end she could have asked your mum for the names. I'd say it was intended for you.

Allalonenow Tue 02-Dec-14 12:52:36

Stick to the terms of the will, and don't be influenced by your Mother. If she wants your siblings to benefit from the inheritance let her give them some of her money.

It is immaterial that she will be sharing her part of the inheritance with her husband, she is just using that to guilt trip you into doing what she wants.

It is most unlikely that your benefactor "Forgot " the names of your siblings and intended to include them in the inheritance, this is again your Mother trying emotional blackmail to force you to do what she wants.

Take the money and use it to benefit yourself and your own family as your benefactor intended. If necessary limit contact with your Mother till this blows over.

biggles50 Tue 02-Dec-14 12:52:59

It's not fair that your mum is speculating on what the family friend did or did not intend. Secondly your parents are partners so presumably the inheritance is shared between them anyway. Odd that she mentioned it. Thirdly there's you and your inheritance and your desire to share some of it with your siblings. But not equally. All I can say is this that if you decide not to share it equally your mum will kick off and the ramifications will be lifelong.

Tell your mum you're going to the right thing and so should she by giving her children a share of hers. If that doesn't work then divide it equally between your sibs. That way you feel good and there will be no rifts. That's what I would do anyway. Good luck

NewNamePlease Tue 02-Dec-14 12:53:02

YABU to consider giving away a third! She left it to you for your future and your family.

If she couldn't even remember their names why would she leave them any money. Equally she could have put in her will to leave x amount to all offspring of NutmegsDM.

I think your mother is trying to avoid you getting more than her and any family arguments starting.

Monathevampire1 Tue 02-Dec-14 12:53:53

A compromise might be to add the two inheritances together and then divide by three. Then you, mum and sibling get an equal amount. You are under no obligation to give a penny to anyone but you have been put in a difficult position.

slithytove Tue 02-Dec-14 12:54:55

She left the money to who she wanted. That didn't include your siblings. Do as you like with it after you've covered your own taxes/debts/expenses.

MaryWestmacott Tue 02-Dec-14 12:55:43

unless your parents are divorced, then your mum is talking rubbish about 'sharing it with your dad' because it's money that's come into them as a couple. You are not married to your siblings!

If your mum's friend wanted your siblings to inherit, but couldn't remember all their names, she could have written "X amount to go to [nutmeg's mum] and X amount to be spilt between the children of [nutmeg's mum]." But she didn't. She chose just to name you.

Could it be something like you are the only one who is her godchild? (if you are the oldest, you might be the only one baptised).

Anyway, whatever her reason was, she obviously had a reason. If your mum wants to share her inheritance, suggest instead of sharing with her husband she shares it with her other children. You said you have a family, so tell your mum you are sharing your inheritance with your partner and children, if she choses to share hers with her partner but not her children, that's her choice, but refuse to discuss it further. I actually wouldn't give them part of the 1/3, it gives the impression they are entitled to the money and more likely to expect a 'fair' share. (when actually they are entitled to none).

Nutmeg303 Tue 02-Dec-14 12:55:57

Hi everyone - thanks a lot for the help.
I don't think she knew my siblings - that's the only reason I can think of.
I'll have a think about the best way forward and I appreciate your thoughts.

bonkersLFDT20 Tue 02-Dec-14 12:56:45

I think we need to know a bit more as to why you think you and not your siblings were left such a considerable amount of money.

Also, why do your siblings know how much you've been left?

How about suggesting your mother contest the Will if she believes the friend was not of sound mind when writing it, which is what she's implying.

Riverland Tue 02-Dec-14 12:56:58

Mona that's a brilliant plan!

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