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to wonder if anyone on here has had their Christmas deliberately ruined by a spouse or family member who hates it.

(140 Posts)
Darkesteyes Mon 01-Dec-14 22:22:10

Starting this thread has been prompted by a couple of threads ive read on here today.
Its galling how manipulative and sneaky some people can be just because they hate Christmas and dont enjoy it so they dont want anyone else to enjoy it either.
Dont get me wrong. I know it can be a stressful time and ive found it more stressful both last year and now but i would never take it out on anyone else or actively set out to stop someone else enjoying it. Has anyone experienced something like this?

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Mon 01-Dec-14 22:24:10

I only know of someone who had all their childhood Christmases tainted by her Dad. He hated it. But not because he was mean or manipulative but because he'd lost two wives tragically...had three DC and was alone. He found it too much to bear.

Luckily she now adores it and embraces it all fully. I think a lot of people who act all grinch and mean are actually suffering from bad memories.

impatienceisavirtue Mon 01-Dec-14 22:27:16

An ex partner intentionally spent Christmas Eve arguing with me, and wouldn't let me sleep pretty much all night -every time I drifted off he's start on at me again about something. I begged him to stop, said we could talk about it another time that wouldn't mean me being shattered all day when trying to give my dc a good christmas but he was awful and relentless. I wasn't responding, it was just a stream of attack from him. He refused to leave (did not live together)

Horrible, horrible man. Can't believe it took me as long as it did to get rid of him.

Darkesteyes Mon 01-Dec-14 22:27:30

Aw Claw thats really sad sad I honestly didnt mean a situation like that. Its tragic and terrible to lose one spouse but two sad

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Mon 01-Dec-14 22:28:52

I think there are some complete bastards out there but I genuinely think a lot of bad behaviour stems from sadness, hurt and abuse of their own.

Darkesteyes Mon 01-Dec-14 22:32:27

Agree Claw.

SaucyJack Mon 01-Dec-14 22:43:07

My ex pinned me up against the wall with the knife from the cheese board because he decided me wanting to watch the Xmas TOTP was an insult to the memory of Joe Strummer who'd died a couple of days beforehand. And then there was the year he fucked off after the turkey to shag the fat slag from the local pub. I was six months pregnant.

My dad's most pathetic power trip was handing over a cheque for £150 to my brother and then passing me an exquisitely wrapped.... pack of glitter glues from the pound shop. I was 31 at the time.

My mum isn't too bad, except that she always insists everyone comes for dinner and then stomps about putting on a massive PA martyr act of cooking deliberately awful food. And insists we all have a drink of alcohol and then spends the rest of the afternoon making snidey digs about us drinking.

Good times. Thanks for the free therapy OP.

lauranorder50 Mon 01-Dec-14 22:48:28

Won't comment for fear of outing myself but lets just say things weren't the same after the death of a close relative, albeit I was an adult when they died.

Another relative wanted to make changes to Christmas and just couldn't wait i.e. the first Christmas after the bereavement was totally unrecognisable to any Christmas I'd ever known. Take it or leave it was the attitude, and the person was not for being reasoned with or begged to reconsider. I had to take this on board whilst still reeling from the death of the close relative a few months earlier.

My mother instilled the idea that Christmas is for family, you've got the rest of the year for your friends or anything else.

KingJoffreysDodgyEars Mon 01-Dec-14 22:50:19

One year MiL nagged us to drive the four hours to see her. Then got stoned and went to bed. Called down as we were dishing up Christmas dinner for a ham sandwich.

Not enough attention on her, you see...

MeMyselfAnd1 Mon 01-Dec-14 22:51:11

My MIL forbid us to celebrate Christmas after PIL died. We just met with my family instead.

lauranorder50 Mon 01-Dec-14 22:54:11

SaucyJack

I've got a relative, long estranged now, that didn't drink alcohol. In the past, on Christmas Day, when being offered a glass of wine out of sheer courtesy because she was a guest, to go with Christmas dinner, this relative would screech, 'YOU KNOW I DON'T DRINK'.

Even I thought, 'a simple no thank you would do.'

lauranorder50 Mon 01-Dec-14 22:56:06

It didn't spoil Christmas but Ye Gods !

Darkesteyes Mon 01-Dec-14 23:04:13

Shit Saucy im so sorry youve experienced all that. And same to other PPs.

Ive seen many experiences of MILs on here but one who gets stoned is a new one.

addictedtobass Mon 01-Dec-14 23:04:44

Yes, watching passive aggressive power plays and games. Feeling a cold sense of dread the moment the fun turns and they start acting out. It's why I have very very little tolerance for people who knowingly act like dicks and those who try to have people dancing around them.

addictedtobass Mon 01-Dec-14 23:06:03

On a funner note, when my friends nan got wankered on advecar or whatever it's called, she apparently told a few unpleasant people a thing or two which made most of their (barring the recipients) Christmas.

PedlarsSpanner Mon 01-Dec-14 23:12:44

To be fair, Laura, I am a non drinker and get fed up of folk pressing alcohol on me. I don't screech but do sigh inwardly as I decline graciously.

Anyway. Yes, Darkest; toxic, narc sibling insisted on "accidentally" calling my DH by my long ago divorced ex's name for years and one Christmas I'd had enough and flounced my own little family away from the scene (parents house). We are NC with sibling now. Vile person.

mummytowillow Mon 01-Dec-14 23:19:28

My husband told me he didn't love me on Boxing Day and left me! It was a complete shock and my parents who had travelled 300 miles were left speechless, as was I!

He had the nerve to turn up the next day with his brother to collect his kids presents to give to them!

Utter twunt he is angry

SaucyJack Mon 01-Dec-14 23:19:45

Oh God Laura- I shudder to think what would happen if someone actually offered my mum a drink. She's like one of those fussy eaters who makes vomit noises over your dinner.

She's perfected this act of disgusted bemusement over the years over why anybody would want to drink alcohol at Xmas/weddings/pubs/your own home just to let us all know (lest we forget) how terribly, terribly, terribly above us all she is.

SaucyJack Mon 01-Dec-14 23:20:58

Cheers Darkest.

Joff- I must confess I'm laughing at the ham sandwich. I've got an image of meth addled tramp in my mind.

BlackeyedSusan Mon 01-Dec-14 23:23:32

A relative died on christmas day.

My dad was grumpy at Christmas hated the fuss.

BlackeyedSusan Mon 01-Dec-14 23:24:11

(not about relative dying, just previous christmases. He had died earlier that year.

Darkesteyes Mon 01-Dec-14 23:27:04

Slightly off topic I dont normally drink but this Xmas ive decided to have my first taste of Baileys. I fancy the biscotti one.

MrsSchadenfreude Mon 01-Dec-14 23:28:01

My Gran said she was going to die on Christmas Eve and ruin Christmas for everyone and promptly did just that.

Bulbasaur Mon 01-Dec-14 23:28:19

DH knew when he got with me I love Christmas. He's a bit of a humbug about it all, but puts on a game face for my sake. Although, last year I was pregnant and didn't feel like doing any Christmas festivities, and he was seriously bummed. This year he's more enthusiastic now that we have a baby, and he realizes how much it sucks to do nothing. I like to think I'm rubbing off on him a little. grin

But he wouldn't deliberately ruin it. He doesn't get over enthusiastic, but he does his best to make sure things run smoothly and he'll be a sport about decorating the tree. I try to give him "holiday tasks" that he likes. Like baking cookies and anything food related since he loves cooking and showing off his culinary talents.

Darkesteyes Mon 01-Dec-14 23:31:20

Blavkeyed what pisses me off is people who get their grump on in the run up to Christmas and refuse to engage with it in any way shape or form and then the grumpiness disappears just in time for Christmas dinner.

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