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To feel uneasy about spending 30k on a wedding

(261 Posts)
Kab13 Mon 01-Dec-14 09:00:05

Posted before about a NYE wedding.
The venue has doubled in price. £5,500 for use of a mill, from 12 noon until 1am.
This would to be expected if they were hiring staff etc, but it's JUST for the venue.
The catering comes in a £2,546 for 80 guests. It's not that bad at all really. (IMO)
However from the start we've decided it's fairer to put our guests up at a local hotel ( premier inn) if we choose NYE, i don't think it's fair to expect people to pay either very expensive taxi fairs home (a lot of people are traveling) or to pay for a hotel and taxi fairs to a hotel.
We found a huge cottage, we wanted to hire this for 38 of our close family members and that's come in very pricey too as we have to hire it for 3 days over NYE. but that part, spending a couple of days with my loved ones was so important.
But, totalled it all up and it's about 22k BEFORE photography, linen, cutlery and crockery hire, flowers, invitations AND honeymoon.
I can see this costing 30k, and that is something that makes me feel guilty for.
A huge amount of that money is being spent on accommodation for our guests (6k and 80 guests inc children) but is feel unreasonable expecting others to cough up for it.
It's so much money but dp is set on NYE now.
Let the flamings begin.

makeitabetterplace Mon 01-Dec-14 09:01:05

Good god! I hope you own a house outright as spending this kind if money on no wedding when you don't is insane. My wedding cost about £1500 and was the most beautiful day we could have dreamt of.

Kab13 Mon 01-Dec-14 09:03:10

Yep.
I know we could do it so much cheaper.
That's a good deposit for a house.
We own a house with a small mortgage and no debt.
Wouldn't be getting into any debt for the wedding either.
But it's still 30k.

wheresthelight Mon 01-Dec-14 09:03:49

could you ask your potential guests who would be looking to stay over and then prebook that many rooms and they then pay you for them so they get the better rate and then you can arrange to pay maybe 25% of the cost as a gesture maybe?

30k does sound a lot but if you can afford it and are getting the day you want then go for it!

kungfupannda Mon 01-Dec-14 09:04:57

It depends on your financial circumstances, both current and projected future.

If you are absolutely confident there won't come a time in the future when you will bitterly regret spending that amount of money, then I don't see a problem.

If there is any chance that money will be missed then don't do it. Does the Mill begin with P by any chance? Wondering if it is the one just down the road from me.

saturnvista Mon 01-Dec-14 09:06:49

I think it's far too much, personally.

kungfupannda Mon 01-Dec-14 09:06:54

That sounded a bit more enthusiastic than I intended!

To be clear, I think it is an insane amount to spend on a single day, but how insane depends on your financial situation.

arethereanyleftatall Mon 01-Dec-14 09:08:54

Bonkers.

Redglitter Mon 01-Dec-14 09:09:15

6k to pay for guests accommodation shock

I've never once been to a wedding where the accommodation has been paid for nor would I ever expect it to be

skylark2 Mon 01-Dec-14 09:10:00

I think it's bizarre to be paying for a hotel for your guests. Why do you think it's unreasonable for people to pay for their own accommodation? It's completely normal.

People who can't afford it won't come - which will reduce the rest of your costs accordingly.

I would pay the mortgage off instead.

FluffyMcnuffy Mon 01-Dec-14 09:10:44

This is the worst stealth boast I've ever seen on mumsnet grin.

Kab13 Mon 01-Dec-14 09:10:50

No, it begins with an "S".
I could well ask for a contribution towards the accommodation.
Guests can also bring their own alcohol as no corkage and could probably get a photographer in cheap.
It's not really about a big fancy day, I just have a huge family all of which I love dearly and wouldn't want to get married with out them really.
I can't say I'd never look back and think " why did I do that".
That's what worries me.
I could pay for my dds uni.
I think me and dp are being a little selfish...

Bair Mon 01-Dec-14 09:11:49

I think you're crackers. However I'm lucky to see that kind of money spread over two years, and I'm just some woman on the internet.

If you have it, and it's worth it to you and your fiancée, go for it. Don't feel guilty about having enough to do something like this.

Preciousbane Mon 01-Dec-14 09:11:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cozietoesie Mon 01-Dec-14 09:12:22

That's madness and you'll probably regret it big time.

Get a local registry office do and pay off the mortgage with the difference.

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 01-Dec-14 09:12:57

I think you're quite mad,in the nicest possible way.

BumpNGrind Mon 01-Dec-14 09:13:22

It's very generous to pay accommodation. Maybe a token amount or discount would be ok but hiring a cottage and loads of hotel rooms is extravagant and unnecessary. That said, it's your money and you can spend it in any way you want to.

Firedemon Mon 01-Dec-14 09:13:28

There isn't a chance is ever want to pay anyway near that amount of money to get married. But perhaps that's because 30k would change my life completely for the better if I had it spare!

If you can afford it, a NYE wedding sounds amazing! And how wonderful to have everyone staying in the cottage. It really does sound lovely smile

Kab13 Mon 01-Dec-14 09:13:30

fluffy I can see why you say that to be fair, but it's not.
I am lucky to have inherited from my father, otherwise I would never dream of spending this.
I get why you think that, but I think what I'm really looking for is for exactly what I'm getting
"don't do it you crazy woman".

bigbluestars Mon 01-Dec-14 09:13:47

If you are rich then fine.

My wedding cost me £150, including ring, outfit and food.

velourvoyageur Mon 01-Dec-14 09:14:22

Since this is in AIBU I'm feeling free to say what I think which is that it is totally obscene. THIRTY GRAND. I can't even get my head round it.

But it's your money and I don't want to make you feel guilty for spending it as you like and others shouldn't either.

So spend it but it's not justifiable really except for the reason above, that it's your money.

kungfupannda Mon 01-Dec-14 09:15:34

If it's not about a fancy day then you can do it much, much cheaper than that. I went to a wedding that cost well under two grand, despite having a huge number of guests. They just cut out all the expensive frills and concentrated on having a fun day. Best wedding I've been to, and I've been to a couple that almost certainly cost well into 6 figures.

If there are other things that the money is needed for, you will almost certainly regret it at some point.

FluffyMcnuffy Mon 01-Dec-14 09:15:36

FWIW my wedding cost more than that, but I don't have kids and we own quite a bit house, plus both quite young (first marriage each). Also a large portion of ours was gifted by family members who wanted to "host" the wedding so we ourselves only ended up spending about 12k. I'd be very surprised if I regretted spending that money in the future, but if you're having doubts about spending it (especially if you have kids) then I wouldn't.

Kab13 Mon 01-Dec-14 09:16:00

I think I just have issues with pleasing people to be honest.
I think I'm bonkers too.
6k is crazy amounts on guest accommodation.
Hence why I haven't and probably won't book it.

HollyJollyXmas Mon 01-Dec-14 09:16:39

Totally depends on your financial situation and ideas about weddings.

Personally, no way would I ever spend that on a wedding. But thats us. I never dreamed about 'my big day' and we were more concerned with buying a bigger home.

30k is a LOT of money for most people.

Yes, you create lovely memories with a wedding but it IS just one day.

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