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To say this to friend? She has cut off the friendship

(46 Posts)
kittykathat Mon 01-Dec-14 06:57:23

we work together at night sometimes and i dont mind dropping her home as she gives me gas money. So we have had this arrangement for a while now.
Today we worked 9pm - 6am
She decided to go to her day job after
However she left night job late
So she messaged me (she was at trainS) and ask if i can drop her to work which was way way out of my way, on the other side of london

I messaged her back saying "my car doesnt run on water"
She text me bk basically saying she "was" going to offer me gas money, how im rude and to never chat to her again
So i told her it isnt my fault she is late
Then she said that she wont block me but dont talk to her ever again

Its 6am, im tired and frankly i dont think she was going to offer me money because she would if said straight away, am i wrong here?

She has asked me to drop her to go shopping before (for free) so you can see why i feel this way

I feel she is ungrateful. She doesnt live by me i have to go in a big circle to drop her home which i do every weekend and she behaves like this because i wont drop her on the other side of london at 6am?
Just cut me off like that?

Was i being a dickhead here?

I have deleted her num n i wont contact her again. Just want opinions on this
Thank you

kittykathat Mon 01-Dec-14 06:59:22

Oh and she called me a cunt in the process of one of those whatsapp

NotSayingImBatman Mon 01-Dec-14 07:02:52

Well... If she usually gives you money for work related lifts, perhaps she felt she didn't need to specify in the text.

I don't know, your text seemed a bit brusque ( why not say 'okay, but I'm going to have to ask for petrol money' rather than immediately being snippy/sarcastic). But on the other hand her response was childish.

EverythingsRunningAway Mon 01-Dec-14 07:03:49

Why didn't you just say no?

3littlefrogs Mon 01-Dec-14 07:04:27

She is inconsiderate and your reply to her was rude.

You could have just msgd her saying you were really sorry but you would not be able to pick her up. Your comments about your car not running on water and not your fault she was late were unnecessary.

Doesn't sound like you are really friends, so probably no loss on either side.

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses Mon 01-Dec-14 07:05:50

I think that there was no need for you to send such a sarcastic reply. That would have blindsided me too.

If she's leaving a night job to go straight to a day job, perhaps she's a bit tired out/stressed?

Either way I think YABU as it's your arsey reply that started it.

I agree, she is asking a too big ask but you were rude the way you replied. If you had said "yes if you cover my costs" or "no, too far out of my way" I think either of those would be ok IMO.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Mon 01-Dec-14 07:12:34

I think what you said would get anyone's back up! I would have said yes but I'll need to ask you for petrol money or no I can't today I'm really tired/busy.

MrsBigginsPieShop Mon 01-Dec-14 07:16:13

Both pretty rude. Your reply was U and a bit harsh. You can't prove whether she was about to offer you money or not. All sounds a bit dramatic and exhausting.

UncleT Mon 01-Dec-14 07:18:17

Yeah, you were rude.

NoNaeNever Mon 01-Dec-14 07:18:20

I don't think you are BU. Sounds like she has form for expecting too much. You called her on it and she is embarrassed.

Yes you were rude but it was as a reaction to her rudeness expecting a lift at that time to the other side of London!

atticusclaw Mon 01-Dec-14 07:21:40

I think your response was rude and you should have asked for the petrol money in a different way but quite frankly anyone who calls me a cunt is never going to be spoken to by me again anyway. It's a horrible word. In fact I wouldn't want to think that any of my friends would ever use that word, if they did I would judge.

WannaBe Mon 01-Dec-14 07:23:38

you sound like five year olds. smart arsed responses followed by "don't talk to me again"? do adults really act like this? grow up.

IDontDoIroning Mon 01-Dec-14 07:26:55

So you usually go it if your way to take her but she does give you cash towards the cost.
But if I understand correctly today she was late finishing the first job then asked you to drop her off. I'm assuming you didn't finish late so had left and was on your way home so would have had to go back to get her then go out if your way to drop her off before you got home yourself. Thus taking longer and using more petrol, depending on how far you had gone - it could have been almost double. Have I understood ?
YANBU not to want to do that. She is BU to ask you especially if she knew you had already left and she should have said she would offer you more money in the request.
Yanbu to be feel cross about the late request but I suppose you were a bit u in your reply. You could have just said no Im half way home already etc. However she did overreact so she was u too.
How good a friend is she -?
If she's not and this means go don't have to go miles out of your way after a night shift well that can't be such a bad thing can it?

FishWithABicycle Mon 01-Dec-14 07:27:07

How old are you both? I'm afraid you both seem rather immature. It sounds to me like a very silly reason to fall out with someone. You were unreasonably but understandably snippy with her, due to excessive tiredness. You should have said "sorry I'm just too tired to add an extra diversion" because it wasn't really about the money was it? I think you both owe each other an apology.

IDontDoIroning Mon 01-Dec-14 07:28:24

Out of - not it if

TheReluctantCountess Mon 01-Dec-14 07:31:43

I agree with others that your reply to her was sarcastic and encouraged an argument.
However, it sounds like the giving lifts had become a bit of a burden. Maybe ending the friendship will give you a bit of freedom.

Poolomoomon Mon 01-Dec-14 07:33:13

"no, it's a bit out of my way and I'm busy atm. Sorry."
"yes if you give me petrol money please?"

Your reply was rude. She's taking the piss asking you for constant lifts. Why does she do it in London? The public transport there is enviable.

LadyLuck10 Mon 01-Dec-14 07:35:01

You were very rude. Extremely rude. Why not ask in a polite way?

YouTheCat Mon 01-Dec-14 07:40:02

So what if the reply was a bit rude? The original question was very rude and thoughtless.

The OP is not a taxi service.

Purplepoodle Mon 01-Dec-14 07:40:49

You were sarcastic and rude with your response. Probably made her feel utterly crap for asking. All u had to do was say 'sorry I cant' or 'it's really out of my way, would u give me X amount petrol money'

crumblebumblebee Mon 01-Dec-14 07:47:05

I'm guessing that despite her giving you petrol money, the fact that you're giving her lifts is grating on you. If you'd politely declined, then I would have thought YANBU but you were sarcastic to her, which probably got her back up.

I agree with a PP that you both sound very childish though, maybe it's for the best that this friendship has ended.

FunkyBoldRibena Mon 01-Dec-14 07:50:17

You were rude but then again, expecting you to be driving halfway across london at 6am is a bit rude in itself. Do you not have public transport down there yet?

Well you were rude, but tbh if she has a habit of taking the piss then you're better off without her, aren't you?

LaurieFairyCake Mon 01-Dec-14 08:23:48

She called you a cunt shock

Then deleting her number is the best thing to do, as is never offering her a lift again.

I do think you could have asked a different way for petrol money if you were thinking about giving her a lift.

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