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To think it's rude to be continually texting when you are away for a weekend with a friend

(20 Posts)
Scuttlebutter Sun 30-Nov-14 22:23:59

Background: I have an old and very dear friend, and we now live in different cities (I moved away for my work). We see each other about six or seven times a year - either she comes over to us for a weekend, or if I'm in our old city on business, we get together for a meal/catch up. We talk often/text occasionally/FB the rest of the time.

We've just returned from a lovely, long-planned weekend away together involving a trip to a city, a Christmas market and a visit to a large stately home. However, my friend spent the entire weekend (and I do mean non stop) texting a bloke she's recently met on some internet dating site. He's already told her she's not his type, but she admits she's obsessed with him. She bought a postcard to send him at the stately home, and even asked me if I would like to write him a short message. hmm Unfortunately she has form for this - the last weekend she spent with us, she spent the entire weekend gleefully texting filthy messages to another man who she'd met on a dating site, and then telling me in eye watering detail what he'd just sent her. Every time I tried to change the subject, my efforts fell on very stony ground.

I get that mobile phones are useful and I made a couple of very quick calls over the weekend but out of courtesy, I kept them brief. Am I just hopelessly old fashioned or is it rude to so pointedly ignore your friend/travelling companion? I did find it a bit hurtful if I'm honest.

Mintyy Sun 30-Nov-14 22:25:52

Oh dear, she sounds very dull.

NoArmaniNoPunani Sun 30-Nov-14 22:27:15

YANBU. What a way to spoil a nice weekend

addictedtobass Sun 30-Nov-14 22:39:16

She pretty much said it herself: she's obsessed. And infatuated. It sounds like it's not you, it really is her.

wanderingcloud Sun 30-Nov-14 22:39:59

YANBU but sadly I think this is the way the world is going sad I was away with family this weekend and at times looked around and noticed we were all on devices rather than talking. Grandparents, parents and kids. It made me sad but after trying to engage everyone with no success just went back into my own little world. If you can't beat 'em?!

laurentperrier Sun 30-Nov-14 22:45:11

I have a friend like this and it drives me insane. .. We met up for drinks last week and as soon as we walked in the pub "oh I'll just text my boyfriend and let him know I've arrived at the pub" why?

YouAreBoring Sun 30-Nov-14 23:14:40

Do you think you should have been really upfront about how much it was irritating you? . Some people don't respond well to subtle hints.

Scuttlebutter Sun 30-Nov-14 23:34:19

Maybe, YouAReBoring. The reason I asked the question is that I recognise that mobile "etiquette" is an evolving field, I don't use mine obsessively and I'm quite prepared to be told (as some posters already have) that it's now the norm to do this. If that's so, then I'll just have to either get used to it or rethink our socialising. FWIW, none of my other friends do this, which makes me think this is more than normal.

LaurieFairyCake Sun 30-Nov-14 23:39:37

Yuk. Man mad.

I'd be very fucked off at my friend not spending time with getting a life and developing an actual independant personality.

antimatter Mon 01-Dec-14 00:10:07

It happened to me once too.
I didn't know how to tell my friend it was inappropriate hehaviour sad

antimatter Mon 01-Dec-14 00:10:35

* behaviour!

AtrociousCircumstance Mon 01-Dec-14 00:14:12

Are you single too? How long has she been single? Perhaps she is feeling down about not being partnered up.

Still annoying behaviour, but perhaps this issue is painful for her right now. Maybe she is very lonely.

kitnkaboodle Mon 01-Dec-14 00:18:01

Oh scuttle I feel your pain! One of my oldest friends recently had her dp walk out on her and she leaned on me a lot for support. We sort of renewed a close friendship that had been neglected. Fast forward a year and she is finding herself and spending lots of time dating and on dating sites. Not too bad when she n I went away together for a weekend, tho she would always relate the men's texts to me. But absolutely infuriating when we spent a week together recently. Never off her phone -flirty texts spouting nonsense beeping all the time, her relaying every message to me AND texting him things that I said. I couldn't bite my tongue n said something about it. Think I pissed her off n haven't heard much since. I'm hurt AND relieved. But it's a strange n hurtful way to behave. It's not normal - even by today's standards

Coyoacan Mon 01-Dec-14 00:20:52

Maybe she is very lonely

If she can't ever be in the moment when she is with a good friend, she will only get more lonely.

BigPawsBrown Mon 01-Dec-14 00:36:11

YANBU. Phone zombies do my nut in

blanklook Mon 01-Dec-14 00:53:17

I'd have used an excuse to look at it, kept hold of it, dashed into the nearest ladies, (with her in hot pursuit) locked myself in a cubicle and theatrically pretended to flush it whilst secretly hiding it in my bag :-)

MistressDeeCee Mon 01-Dec-14 00:57:46

Typical example of someone who isn't present in the moment. Aka a dullard

RockinHippy Mon 01-Dec-14 01:15:31

Rude & boring

I feel for you - I had a similar long time friend in similar circumstances as we now also live in different cities & she behaved exactly like this with texting & ringing people when out with me. She would insist on long sea front walks & spent the whole time on her phone, texting photos to all in sundry or her FaceBook. Though I've no idea who & didn't get any gory details, I don't think it was men per se, just other friends & family she sees regularly, most daily yet she saw me every 6 months at most

I WAS very upfront with her, but it fell on. Deaf ears, as was another mutual old friend who she hadn't seen in many years & I took her to visit - he was very blunt about how rude she was behaving - she giggled & carried on ignoring us in favour of her phone hmm if we were teens, or twenty something's I might have more understanding, but we are not.

Admittedly it wasn't the only reason, but definitely a big sign of the contempt she had for our friendship, which ended up showing up in other ways too

She is now & ex friend & I really don't miss her & her drama

WhatsGoingOnEh Mon 01-Dec-14 01:15:51

My brother does this. It's sickening and awful. I'd have HATED to have been away for a weekend with someone like that. Poor you!

Buy her a copy of The Rules. She sounds like she's absolutely crap with men.

TheWitTank Mon 01-Dec-14 02:21:37

Had a really similar situation during the summer when I went away with a group of friends for the weekend. One of the group whose birthday we had gone away to celebrate spent literally the entire weekend with her face two inches from her mobile screen texting her newish boyfriend. I kid you not, it was night and day all the time. She would stay up until 2am most nights glued to her phone while we slept, then be straight back on the next morning. She did it during sight seeing, dinners, a show, walks. On her actual birthday we took her for dinner and she took a phone call from him just as her meal arrived, went outside to chat to him and didn't come back for 25 minutes. Her food went cold so we just ate ours and sat waiting. I could feel myself sizzling with rage angry.
Anyway, after that weekend we drifted apart (on purpose) and we don't speak anymore. I don't miss her.

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