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To think we can't be the only ones?

(47 Posts)
NotSayingImBatman Sun 30-Nov-14 19:16:16

I keep reading about 'equal' or 'personal' spending money on MN in relation to family finances.

Surely DH and I aren't the only ones who a) don't care who spends what on themselves, providing there's enough to pay the mortgage and b) don't have enough left to reliably divvy up each month once said mortgage is paid?

Euphemia Sun 30-Nov-14 19:22:58

I think it's more about the potential for equality, rather than precise sums of money being allocated to each person.

Many men who are the sole wage earner view that money as theirs, and are unaccepting of the idea of "family" money.

What's important is that both people view themselves as partners, with the right to spend the family money as they judge appropriate.

Kahlua4me Sun 30-Nov-14 19:27:12

We also just spend what need to as long as cash is available. We have one joint account and that's it.

Dh is sole earner, but I do all the banking. He would have no idea about what is paid when.

The main point is that both are happy with the situation and both feel valued and equal.

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude Sun 30-Nov-14 19:28:34

I think some relationships are solid enough and both people fair enough to each other that there is no need to have separate savings but for some i think it is because of maybe trust issues or an imbalance in the control of finances of earnjngs.

I would like the type of relationship you have OP.

fluffyraggies Sun 30-Nov-14 19:33:52

YANBU

I find we both know roughly how much we have going in monthly, roughly how much coming out monthly and roughly how much we have left to spend on ourselves monthly ...

... and it's usually roughly nothing much grin

fluffyraggies Sun 30-Nov-14 19:37:13

But seriously, no, i would hate the idea of 'you had more than me last month' type of stuff. We just trust each other with all the money that comes in being in one big pot. We both have access to all bank accounts. Neither of us expects the moon - we know we have very little spare cash. If either of us fancies spending more than usual we'll run it past the other.

iamthenewgirl Sun 30-Nov-14 19:37:14

Like you op.

All goes in one pot and we both spend whatever. However, we are both fairly frugal. We would both say if we wanted to spend a little bit more than normal.

I am very lucky.

RandomMess Sun 30-Nov-14 19:39:49

Dh and I have similar cautious attitudes to spending and no expensive hobbies so we just trust each other and get on with it. If you don't have similar attitudes etc. I think having equal spends dished out for the month is a great idea.

Even when I didn't earn anything for years it was always "our" money I cannot imagine what it must be like living with someone that has the attitude "I earned it, it's my money"

RaisingMen Sun 30-Nov-14 19:42:04

YANBU. We both put into the same pot, bills and savings go out and then what's left is there to be spent by whoever. It's our money, not his money and my money.

seaweed123 Sun 30-Nov-14 19:42:51

I think it depends on your circumstances. If you or your DH might happily spend a few hundred on a hobby any given month (and can afford to do so) then you really need to keep tabs on it. Otherwise you would need to check with each other before every purchase. Having separate spends would just be a lot easier.

SanityClause Sun 30-Nov-14 19:44:39

I agree with Euphemia.

We don't divvy our money up into who gets what, but if we have big bills coming in, we would both take care not to spend money on fripperies for a while.

DH is more in charge of the money than I am, but he will always consult me before we make a big decision.

But couples should do what works for them, so long as it is a true "partnership decision", and not one person deciding for both.

NorwaySpruce Sun 30-Nov-14 19:44:50

We're like you, after the bills are paid, anything left over is just for general stuff.

We don't count it out or try to balance it 'fairly'. It's just there for who ever wants/needs it.

Thehedgehogsong Sun 30-Nov-14 19:49:42

We have a joint account that all money goes into and it's our money. We both spend it and don't keep track of how much either of us spends. We don't have much we buy just for me or just for DH so I guess we don't have to keep track, it's all stuff for 'us' really.

BaffledSomeMore Sun 30-Nov-14 19:51:58

WhyYouGotta it could just be because that's how they like it rather than 'trust issues'.
Really annoys me that keeping separate bank accounts has to mean something. We both had long standing accounts with different banks that we didn't want to change. Nothing to do with trust or control.
I couldn't care less how other couples organise their finances if it suits them both.

Trills Sun 30-Nov-14 19:54:23

I think A and B are quite different points.

Trills Sun 30-Nov-14 19:55:43

You should bear in mind that when someone on MN recommends a system, it'll be on a thread where money is being talked about (and the spending thereof).

In the most part people who are happy with their setup don't start threads about dividing up money or discussing how they feel about their partner's spending.

ClashCityRocker Sun 30-Nov-14 19:58:51

I pay my husband housekeeping.

Well, really it's a set lump sum on a monthly basis. It covers my share of mortgage, household bills.

Whatever's left i spend how I please to a certain extent - we stick some money into savings for large household purchases. He does the same.

We've never once argued about money. Provided bills are paid, and we have something set aside for a rainy day, it is very much up to each of us what we spend it on.

I don't get this 'our' money stuff. If I've been working overtime whilst DH has been akip in bed, I shall spend it how I jolly well please - although tbf, it does tend to get spent on 'joint' things like holidays and things for the house.

Mind you, we don't have DCs and have fairly similar incomes. God knows what we'd do if he or I had to go on maternity leave - it would be a disaster grin

AryaUnderfoot Sun 30-Nov-14 19:59:50

We're the same (we only have one joint account which all money goes into/comes out of), but we're fortunate that we don't have to watch every penny at the moment (hasn't always been so).

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude Sun 30-Nov-14 20:09:20

Good point baffled i think its beause, as trills says, when it is being discussed on MN it is usually when there are issues so that's probably why i was thinking that. Glad to hear that isnt the case for you. smile

Trills Sun 30-Nov-14 20:13:45

I would personally prefer to have my "spending money" separate.

Not because of any lack of trust but so that I knew I was being fair and not spending more than my fair share.

e.g. if I decide to buy an expensive item, I know that I have to spend less on little things that month - but this is easier said than done if you don't ration yourself and if your visibility of your spending is softened by it all being "one big pot".

Bambambini Sun 30-Nov-14 20:14:25

We have different accounts and have no idea what each other spends. As long as the money is their we don't really check with each other. Probably my husband spends more overall on himself as he has expensive tastes. Would be interesting to see what both of us do spend in comparison.

I can understand that doesn't work with every relationship though.

NotSayingImBatman Sun 30-Nov-14 20:17:42

The other thing that bugs me is if an OP says she can't afford to work because she earns £1000 and childcare is £1200. Someone will always say "Why doesn't your OH pay half, why is it all coming out of your salary".

Surely logic dictates that if childcare = more than the lowest earner's wage, then it leaves a negative overall? Gets right on my tit ends, that does.

DaisyFlowerChain Sun 30-Nov-14 20:19:27

I don't know anybody who splits leftover money between the two of them, it's only on MN I've seen it. Likewise, I nevr hear the "family" money term in real life either.

We have a joint account and joint savings, whilst we may look for furniture etc together so we can ensure we both like it neither of us need permission to spend money.

BrieAndChilli Sun 30-Nov-14 20:20:08

DH doesn't spend anything. He pays for petrol on company card which then gets taken out of his wages. Gym etc comes out on direct debit, I deal with the bills, food shop, stuff for house and kids.

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude Sun 30-Nov-14 20:23:09

Ah but the childare bill doesnt have to be reduced only by lower earner not working. Higher earner could drop a day, both could drop a day, higher earner could get work vouchers for childcare. This is why people say childcare shoulnt just come out of one person's wage. Half of the £1200 would come out of the other person's wage so really the £1000 wage would still leave £400 income after childcare for bills etc.

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