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AIBU to think people should NOT offer their half-baked medical theories?

(30 Posts)
cingolimama Sun 30-Nov-14 13:53:29

DD was in hospital for a several days with complications from a common stomach virus. She's fine now, at home, resting, eating and drinking. But as this has happened before, DD's being refered for diagnostic tests at GOSH, to see if there might be an underlying problem.

However, rather than people just contacting me and wishing us well I've had a torrent of amateur diagnosies from friends. "Crohns disease", "food intolerance", "a structural problem", "an allergy", or "pre-bowel cancer" "vitamin deficiency". Is this supposed to be supportive? Am I supposed to go and tell a highly qualified medical professional to be sure and check for something because some fool read about it on the internet? Am I supposed to be reassured by this nonsense? I've just been saying, as gently as I can muster in my sleep-deprived state please fuck off this isn't helpful. WTAF?

GraysAnalogy Sun 30-Nov-14 14:16:01

They're just trying to help, although I can see how it can be annoying.

Least they've not told you to do the onion thing (leave a slice onion in your home and it'll absorb all bacteria you'll never be ill again!!!!) hmm

sanfairyanne Sun 30-Nov-14 14:27:20

well you sound new to the world of hospitals to be talking of 'highly qualified professionals' and respecting their opinions smile

its well meaning. i can see it might be annoying. some of it sounds scaremongering as well, which you dont need, but i would be reading up. hope all goes well anyway thanks

stitch10yearson Sun 30-Nov-14 14:30:11

when my cousin was in hospital with major heart issues, people were coming round to see my aunt and commiserating with her as if he was already dead. It drove me insane, but she just smiled, nodded, and then ignored them.
Best piece of advice I ever received. I suggest you do the same

cingolimama Sun 30-Nov-14 14:31:21

Smile. Nod. Ignore. I'll give it a go.

elliejjtiny Sun 30-Nov-14 14:34:07

YANBU. I have children with health issues/SN and get lots of comments like that, it's really annoying.

gamerwidow Sun 30-Nov-14 14:37:02

I think people are probably trying in a misguided way to be helpful. My mil always has lots of daft theorys when dd is ill but she means no harm. Just nod and ignore.

Nomama Sun 30-Nov-14 14:37:04

Mmmm! Thanks. Yes. Uh huh!

cingolimama Sun 30-Nov-14 14:39:58

Ha ha ha, Nomama! or perhaps a really long Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm with voice rising at the end?

Nomama Sun 30-Nov-14 14:43:12

Uh huh!

That'll do it!


cingolimama Sun 30-Nov-14 14:46:56

Yes I know it's well meaning (kind of). But these are all intelligent people - how on earth can they all think this is in any way helpful? Honestly, do people suddenly take leave of their senses when around illness? It's like a friend of mine diagnosed with breast cancer, and suddenly had to listen to everyone's many cancer stories "oh, my aunt had breast cancer and she went to a homeopath and blah blah blah.. ate a LOT of lentils and blah blah blah". Actually she wanted people to listen to her cancer story. Or perhaps shut up.

magimedi Sun 30-Nov-14 16:08:29

YANBU - I can't stand armchair doctors.

And it happens on here a lot. Someone will post about their DC being naughty/constipated/stressed & others will reply that the DC in question is wheat intolerant/dairy intolerant etc. And proceed to back it up with what are often quite dubious links.

I wouldn't restrict a major food group in my child's diet on the advice of some random on the internet & am amazed that people do.

BeyondTheTreelights Sun 30-Nov-14 16:13:04

But have you tried aloe vera? wink grin

GarlicGiftsAndGlitter Sun 30-Nov-14 16:23:57

Listening is a tragically rare skill. People feel they want to help and so they do this by swamping you with advice & ideas - which means you have to listen to them (or pretend to) when actually they could help a fuck of a lot more by making you a cuppa and giving you a good listening-to!

As it goes, though, just make absent 'listening' noises. Anybody you know well enough to ask, ask them to let you talk! Hope it turns out to be nothing much, and DD's all better soon.

GarlicGiftsAndGlitter Sun 30-Nov-14 16:24:33

Beyond grin

pinoli Sun 30-Nov-14 16:28:41

On hearing about DS's latest Asthma crisis the local loony homeopath collared me at heuristic play to tell me that 'actually theres no such thing as asthma, its just people with bad breathing technique'.....luckily she ran a course to sort it out from her shop.

Smile and nod.

Trills Sun 30-Nov-14 16:45:47

You don't have to ignore. You can politely ask that they not offer any more theories, or stories about their aunt's cousin's niece's next-door neighbour's dog-walker.

LadyLuck10 Sun 30-Nov-14 16:50:11

People are just trying to say something that in their mind they are helping. Nobody is trying to upset you intentionally.hmm

GraysAnalogy Sun 30-Nov-14 16:55:09

pinoli that's the funniest thing I've heard all day! Next time I have an asthma attack I'll be sure to chaste myself on my 'bad breathing technique' grin Methinks this woman needs a decent Anatomy and Physiology class.

SofiaAmes Sun 30-Nov-14 16:57:11

My son was sick all the time for the first 11 years of his life. He was finally diagnosed with mitochondrial disease at age 11. I would have never gotten this diagnosis if I had waited for the so called professionals to figure it out. Lots of helpful suggestions from strangers, friends and family, along with me and Google is how we diagnosed my son and got him to the specialist who could do the genetic testing to confirm the diagnosis and get him on a treatment plan to make him healthy. You don't have to listen to people, but sometimes collective knowledge and information can be helpful.

JaneFonda Sun 30-Nov-14 17:32:33

I think YA a bit U.

I'm sorry to hear about your DD - hope everything turns out well!

It's obviously difficult when you just want support from people, but I do know first hand of instances where someone has suggested something unusual that an illness could be, that a doctor hasn't thought of/tested for because it is something rare and so not commonly seen.

Doctors do miss things sometimes too - they are only human, and your friends are only trying to help.

raltheraffe Sun 30-Nov-14 17:36:19

I would say the amateur diagnosis of "pre-bowel cancer" is beyond annoying, it could potentially cause a lot of worry to any parent.

I can always remember when my sister was young her skin was very pale. She looked anaemic and even the GP was concerned enough to run blood tests on her. A friend of the family said to my mum, with my sister and I present "you really need to take her back to the doctor's. Joyce (my gran) has just died of leukaemia and these things run in families".

My sister was in tears for days thinking she was terminal. The family friend was only trying to be helpful but it caused a lot of upset.

kaffkooks Sun 30-Nov-14 17:41:55

Yes, it is really annoying. As a general rule the people who give you the most advice are the least knowledgeable. Most health professionals will be reluctant to offer an opinion in a non professional capacity as they don't know all the details.

SofiaAmes Sun 30-Nov-14 17:48:28

kaffkooks, I have had a completely different experience to yours. Most of the people who have given me advice are extremely knowledgeable (it's amazing what an intelligent person can glean from the internet) and most of the health professionals I dealt with did not offer opinions because they were severely uninformed about current medical and science advances and in all fairness, so overworked that they didn't have time to keep up with the new advances. In the case of my ds, this mattered because his disease is fairly uncommon and only diagnosable in the last 5 years or so.

raltheraffe Sun 30-Nov-14 17:52:59

All doctors now have to keep totally up to date with current medical practice. It is called revalidation.

I have not practiced for 8 years now. In the past I could have just returned to medicine with no problems but now I would have to sit a ton of exams.

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