To think that £80 worth of presents from You Know Who isn't excessive

[Turniphead1]

Just had a very annoying conversation with SIL - with whom we are spending Xmas together with at MILs for the first time since she had kids.
They have one DD - the same age as our DD3. So she wanted to know
what we were getting for our DC for Xmas so their Santa sacks would be the same. I said our 3 ask for three things from Santa (guided by us to stop any laptop or iPad nonsense). This year I think their 3 Santa presents come to around £60-80 each. We then get some small stocking fillers - books, stickers, rubbers etc. We also give one present from Mum & Dad - a board game or similar.

So SIL got stuck in saying (by very strong implication) that this was excessive and she didn't want her DD (same age as my youngest) to get a "ginormous stocking" - her actual words.

She says they only get their DD one thing from Santa and no stocking fillers. This was also preceded by a text exchange where she was asking for ideas what to get her DD (every year I have to select every present from her to my 3 kids for both birthday & Xmas - a new first that I have to choose for her child). A couple of the tiny stocking things I'd bought my Dd2 id bought the same for DN for authenticity.

So I managed this conversation by saying "well everyone has different traditions" when she expressed incredulity that the kids get three Santa presents AND stuff in their stockings AND a present from us. I didn't express my opinion that I think she is being mingey (her & her husband have wellpaid jobs) because I also do think yes, keeping it lowkey is nice.

But her judgmental attitude - as though we buy them each £500 of electronic goods - has pissed me right off. And as for the solution - hmmm - I'm thinking maybe Santa might leave some presents at home that they get when we get home? Also - I did all my shopping a few weeks ago, kids wrote their lists at start of nov.

Mind you, if DN got more this year, would she really remember to compare when she was back to basic rations next year?

[Tobyjugg]

Santa delivers to your house, not to where you may be staying. When we went away, Santa's presents were always at home for the kids to come bak to. As for commenting on how much you spend on your kids the expression "cheeky cow" comes to mind.

[Turniphead1]

To clarify - the total of their Santa presents is a max of £80. Not 3 x £80 for each child.

I'm also very aware that there are plenty of people who simply do not have £80 to spend on their kids this Christmas.

[Philoslothy]

I think it is a lot, I wouldn't use the word excessive though. But it is a "how long is a piece of string" issue.

[Tobyjugg]

*back

[woowoo22]

Too much drama.

Disengage. Smile and nod.

[BackforGood]

Well, as you're asking, then yes, I think that's a lot.
However, as you say, we all have different traditions and ways of spending money in our households, so it doesn't mean either of you are right, or wrong, for your circumstances. What you need to think about is how you are going to manage it if you are staying overnight on Christmas Eve, into Christmas day.
We used to find ways to work around this when our dc were small and we'd stay with my brother who earned massively more than the 2 of us put together and also only had 1 dc to buy for, against our 3.
Just work out how to manage the 'opening the present from Father Christmas' bit and both carry on doing what you are doing.
At that age, they would notice probably if one had a big pile of presents and the other didn't, but wouldn't have a clue about value / what things cost.

[CupidStuntSurvivor]

Not quite sure what you're asking Turnip .

Her attitude does stink, yes. However, I wouldn't curb how much your DCs get on Christmas day personally, even if they will then get more later on. If they're used to a more generous Christmas, might they not feel a bit put out? Instead, maybe get SIL's DD a couple of stocking filler type gifts to even it out a bit?

[BackforGood]

x posted - Tobyjug offers a good solution.

[mommy2ash]

80 pound isn't that much at all. I've spent over that and I'm not even sorted for Christmas. it's none of her business what you spend.

[anyoldname76]

She'd probably have a heart attack if she came our house then

[Tobyjugg]

Turnip I read it as £80 per child. Now I see it's £80 in total she's being even cheekier than I thought! YANBU.

[themightyfandango]

£80 seems like a bargain to me but then I have teenagers who want an xbox one

[Stripylikeatiger]

How old is her child? Under 5 I would say just leave them to do what they feel is right and you do what you feel is right, they won't notice.

I think 80 pounds is lots but we tend to do only practical/little presents from Father Christmas and the bigger presents from mum and dad.

[MollyBdenum]

I don't think that's crazy. That would mean roughly a Lego set, a doll, a magic/science set, a board game, two books and socks/hair bands/chocolate/stickers/bubble bath in a stocking, which is pretty restrained if you look at some of the lists on here.

[CupidStuntSurvivor]

I've easily spent more than 80 and my DD definitely isn't old enough to even open a present unaided. Or understand that there's a gift under the pretty paper for that matter. Your SIL would hate me .

But that's far from the point. It's not her place to judge your traditions, budgets, gift choices, etc. Christmas is deeply personal to a lot of households, mine included.

[Ilovehamabeads]

Yanbu to be peeved by her judging. Everyone makes their own christmas traditions, its nobodies business how you choose to spend your money. I don't think it's in the least bit excessive, but neither do i think hers is stingy. Presumably the child will have other gifts from family.
If we ever spend christmas away from home, we only pack a few presents for the children- their main Santa gift, plus stocking. Everything else stays at home and they get another round of excited present opening the next day.

[Turniphead1]

Sadly Tobyjug - we've been away last 2 xmas and Santa knew where we were & delivered. He's even written an NSPCC letter this year saying he knows they won't be at their house but knows where they will be. Plus DN was away last year & got Santa then. Otherwise that could have been a solution.

Yes - I was feeling like Id been quite low key compared to other years. I was vaguely aware they don't go overboard. DH (and this is his sister) is saying - it's their problem. But I don't want Dn to feel she's got less. I'd be happy to buy her more - but it's her parents decision.

[2minsofyourtime]

Can you just clarify how much in total for all the present you will buy for all 3 will be, Includi gvstockings and presents from you.

All the present the children get are from Santa, other than from mil and dm. But £80 seems like a bargain!

[Turniphead1]

Tobyjug- it is £80 per child. (I was trying to clarify that it wasn't 3 presents of £80 each per child!) £80 in total would be positively Dickensian for me I'm afraid.

[Triooooooooooo]

Grief, bloody good job she isn't spending Christmas with me then . Christmas is the one time of year I go nuts with spending.

[velourvoyageur]

80 pounds for three kids? Think that's vvv reasonable, well done you. Stuff is really expensive these days. Anyway, don't listen to the silly judgy people- who cares, your kids will have a great Christmas, that's what matters isn't it.

Some people spend that on cigarettes every week and people don't make disparaging comments about that, and if they do no one takes any notice of them...

[PortofinoVino]

I think that is a lot for a stocking. But then we only have small stockings from Santa. Everything else comes from the person who actually bought it.

[StatisticallyChallenged]

Don't think that's remotely excessive tbh, every family does the split of santa gifts and parent gifts differently but what you have got in total doesn't sound ott to me

[fredfredgeorgejnr]

There's nothing wrong with incredulity about the majority of presents coming from santa, and I suspect you're just over-reading surpise, and the now problem of having mixed behaviour at christmas as judgemental.

Come Christmas morning, some kids are going to get little from santa and some lots.

And of course some are going to get little from their parents and lots from santa.

Does it matter - not to me, but if you're doing things "for authenticity", then it possibly does, as that's a big difference that anyone would notice.

[Turniphead1]

Her child & my Youngest are nearly 7. So aware of differences in amount. Mind you my eldest is a non-believer ?? so not that bothered & middle child asks for very little (despite his consumer oriented childhood ) so could possibly leave some stuff at home .
In total - Santa presents, stocking fillers, and present from Mum&Dad we are probably just over £100 per child, if I'm very honest. But as people say it's how long is a price of string. As a family we are lucky to be very financially secure and I know our children probably get a lot less than some peers but obviously massively more than lots too.