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To chuckle gently at my friends parenting plans

(82 Posts)
Wowthishurtsalot Sun 30-Nov-14 09:51:26

She's 4 months pregnant with her PFB and is already dreaming of parenting without raising her voice and without using time outs because she thinks both are cruel

AIBU to chuckle to myself and just sit back and wait for the ensuing chaos?

ApocalypseThen Sun 30-Nov-14 09:53:21

Yeah, how stupid of her to think about how she'd like to parent while she's pregnant. Silly to have ambitions to do a good job.

weeblueberry Sun 30-Nov-14 09:54:35

You realise many parents manage without time outs? hmm

Wowthishurtsalot Sun 30-Nov-14 09:54:39

Nothin wrong with dreaming. I had similar notions when I was pregnant. Then the toddler years struck

Andrewofgg Sun 30-Nov-14 09:55:46


wonderstuff Sun 30-Nov-14 09:56:26

It depends, if she has been overtly judgmental of your parenting YANBU if she hasn't YABU. We all have unrealistic goals first time around.

curiousgeorgie Sun 30-Nov-14 09:56:45

I have a 4 year old and have never done a time out.

Not raising your voice might be difficult though...

NoLongerJustAShopGirl Sun 30-Nov-14 09:56:51

we didn't have time outs either.. never "planned" it that way

she may find she has a child who responds better to kind parenting - many of us do...

qazxc Sun 30-Nov-14 09:57:08

I remember the idealised visions on how things would happen. Just smile and nod, and be there with a cup of tea wine when reality hits.

Mumraathenoisylion Sun 30-Nov-14 09:57:45

Good luck with this!

I think it's great that she's thought ahead about how she wants to parent, it might not work out like that but at least she's set herself a high standard. I try (and fail) not to raise my voice, definitely a good thing to aim for IMO.

mummybare Sun 30-Nov-14 09:58:49

Yes you are. And patronising, uncharitable and mean too. I have a 2.5yo and a 12wo and I don't use time out and try not to raise my voice. Of course I don't always succeed in the latter but that doesn't mean it's a ridiculous thing to aim for. I agree with your friend that it's not a very effective way of parenting.

Buttercup27 Sun 30-Nov-14 09:59:34

I planned to crave nothing but fruit whilst pregnant and if you include the gherkins in a big mac as fruit it worked!

SaucyJack Sun 30-Nov-14 09:59:38

YANBU. I have a cousin who would always tut at the behaviour of mine and everybody else's kids in public before she had one of her own.

Karma has well and truly been served grin

Cabbagesaregreen Sun 30-Nov-14 09:59:41

Certainly raised my voice but never shouted. Nor have I ever done time outs. Done a multitude of other sins though.

magpiegin Sun 30-Nov-14 10:01:10

As long as you don't chuckle in front of her. When I was pregnant I was so fed up of people saying 'it will be different when the baby gets here' when I mentioned that I didn't want to co-sleep etc. it of course didn't help that I was hugely hormonal and sensitive at the time.

pinkorange Sun 30-Nov-14 10:01:16

We have never done time outs. I didn't have timeouts as a child either hmm

Shockingundercrackers Sun 30-Nov-14 10:02:47

I don't do shouting or time outs either - I concentrate on parenting badly in other areas.

We all fuck our kids up uniquely, as your friend is about to find out.

Let her enjoy these last few months of guilt free parenting!

NoLongerJustAShopGirl Sun 30-Nov-14 10:03:30

mine are now 12 and 13 and have never had a time out - nor needed one... voices may or may not have been raised at times, more usually not mine, usually shouting "but muuuuuuuuuuuuum" - everyone has their own way of parenting, everyone has their views of what they want for their kids.

DurhamDurham Sun 30-Nov-14 10:04:06

I've never met a pregnant woman yet who hadn't thought about how they would like to parent their future child. It's normal and surely a good thing. Not everything will work out as planned of course but it's good to think about strategies and plans on how to cope.

We never had to invoke timeouts here, I have on many occasions raised my voice ( possibly sounding like a banshee ) but it's nothing I've striven for, obviously it would be better if I didn't.

Theorientcalf Sun 30-Nov-14 10:04:45

I have a two year old and we've never done time outs.

Everyone has an idea how they'd parent, the illusion is quickly shattered.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange Sun 30-Nov-14 10:05:25

What is wrong with time outs any way.

Works well in my home.

insancerre Sun 30-Nov-14 10:05:43

There are many different styles of parenting
It is possible to manage children's behaviour without timeouts or shouting

Wowthishurtsalot Sun 30-Nov-14 10:06:28

Oh god no Id never be anything but supportive to her and have never, nor would ever dream of saying 'it'll be different once baby is here'

MerryInthechelseahotel Sun 30-Nov-14 10:08:00

I would like my daughter to think this if she was pregnant.

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