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to think I shouldn't be discussing my 14 yr old daughters fertility and veganism at parents evening?

(77 Posts)
Meechimoo Sun 30-Nov-14 09:34:21

Parents evening went well.
dd doing very well etc etc.
We saw about 6 subject teachers. Couldn't get an appointment for one, but she found a spot when we were there and she saw us.
My 14 year old decided to go go vegan about 6 weeks ago. She was vegetarian prior to this. I was very sceptical, worried. I started a thread on here and it was a revelation, full of useful information about veganism and how she wouldn't wither away as a result of malnutrition. And I figured that at 14, almost 15, I couldn't force her to eat dairy. If anything, she now eats a far far better diet than she did before. She cooks regularly now too and has huge bowls of vegetables, beans, pulses, vegan pasta etc and eats a wise variety of food. Far bigger variety than when she was carnivorous! I've bought her supplements too, so I'm not worrying about her lacking anything.
Anyway, after about 3 seconds discussion about her subject, the teacher said that she'd been discussing my daughters veganism and had told her she didn't approve. Another teacher sat next to her sidled over and joined in. She said she didn't approve of the vegan diet either. For information, My daughter is an average size 8, curvy but slim and her skin has cleared up almost overnight since she went vegan. So she doesn't look unhealthy at all. The opposite, in fact.
Then, the teacher who joined in the conversation, said she'd had a discussion with my daughter about veganism on a recent school trip and that she was concerned as she also had a teenage daughter and vegan diets are very unhealthy for teenage girls and she could be affecting her fertility etc.
I felt a bit patronised.
I've done hours of research and figured she could be doing a lot worse than be vegan.
Her old diet was much worse. Pizzas and chocolate and crap. She eats more than 5 a day now!
Dd seems to think she just 'meant well' as does dh (who was always a bit anti veganism anyway!) but I feel as though it was unnecessary and inappropriate. Discussing her fertility at parents evening? With worried head tilt like they'd stumbled on her shooting up with heroin in the school toilets?

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 30-Nov-14 09:36:39

So, what did they say when you said her skin had cleared up, her diet had improved and you had done loads of research and were cock a hoop with her decision?

Or did you just sit there and say nowt?

Chandon Sun 30-Nov-14 09:38:29

Yes, what did you say?

lljkk Sun 30-Nov-14 09:38:30

You are over-reacting. You need a thicker skin where Veganism is concerned. Smile & change the subject to what you want to talk about. Your DD & DH have right perspective.

ArchangelGallic Sun 30-Nov-14 09:38:50

Yanbu but not sure what you should do about it.
Strongly worded letter to headteacher advising him that his staff are spouting unresearched bollocks?

avocadotoast Sun 30-Nov-14 09:39:24

Wtf?? What's it to do with them? It sounds like your daughter is eating incredibly well (better than I did at 19 when I went vegan!).

I'd tell them to butt out (nicely grin) if it comes up again.

Honeydragon Sun 30-Nov-14 09:41:52

But her skin has cleared up fine and she's pregnant with twins,
Oh yes, that was the other thing I needed to mention......

Snaveanator Sun 30-Nov-14 09:44:17

YANBU. When I'm not pregnant, I'm a vegan (I'm weak, pregnancy cravings get the better of me, what can I say?).

A well researched vegan can get all the nutrients they need and live an incredibly healthy lifestyle. It's so frustrating when someone who doesn't actually know what they're talking about starts spouting on about how unhealthy being a vegan is.

Recent conversation with my SCIENTIST brother:
Him 'being a vegan is unhealthy, how do you get your B12'
Me 'nutritional yeast'
Him 'but you can't eat that, it's live, it's not vegan'

You should have told those teachers that you are here to discuss your child's development at school, not her dietary/ lifestyle decisions she you find it wholly inappropriate that they felt the need to discuss her fertility at such an event.

BlackeyedSusan Sun 30-Nov-14 09:45:09

what were their reasons for thinking her fertility may be reduced?

perhaps they believe some of the same stuff you thought up until you did the research.

I have had a similar response from ex re children, and we are only reducing the amount of meat we eat.... he could not name the nutrients they miss out on when pushed, and he could not explain why he thought it would be really difficult to feed them vegetarian food... (probably while chomping on vegan soup recipe)

Meechimoo Sun 30-Nov-14 09:45:41

I basically just saw there like a numpty and said I'd had concerns about it too but had done research (then kicked myself all the way home, but to be fair hadn't anticipated discussing veganism and my daughters possible future infertility at parents evening angry

StickEm Sun 30-Nov-14 09:46:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlpacaYourThings Sun 30-Nov-14 09:47:32

I'll reserve my YANBU/YABU judgement until you reveal what your response was to the teachers grin

AlpacaYourThings Sun 30-Nov-14 09:49:25

Oops. X-post.

YANBU, weird conversation from a teacher. I assume they don't understand a vegan diet?

YABU for not standing up for your DD but I think you were probably caught off guard.

Meechimoo Sun 30-Nov-14 09:50:22

Alpaca, my response is up thread. It was crap. I did feel a bit ambushed though, to be fair.

Birdsgottafly Sun 30-Nov-14 09:54:00

I contributed to your other thread, as a well researched and back up by my Consultants, Vegan.

Are they campaigning for all the naturally Vegan societies and religions, to be meat eating, out of concern for their health?

They are Ill informed and overstepping their authority. When you are in a position of power, Nurse, Teacher, SW it's vital you remember your qualification level and what you are actually qualified in.

Would they of dared have this conversation with a Vegan parent for religious reasons?

I would be making a complaint and wanting a meeting, but it is something that I am passionate about.

Birdsgottafly Sun 30-Nov-14 09:55:40

As for fertility, if you look at the traditional Vegan Hindu family size, fertility certainly wasn't affected.

avocadotoast Sun 30-Nov-14 09:55:48

I also love how people never give a shit about being "concerned" until someone stops eating animal products. Would the teachers have been so "worried" if your daughter was eating pizza and chocolate every day? Idiots.

diddl Sun 30-Nov-14 09:58:05

They don't approveshock

Now if they were saying that your daughter had spoken to them & they were concerned from what she said that she wasn't fully informed/was doing it on a whim, that might be different.

youarewinning Sun 30-Nov-14 09:59:30

honey grin

What did you say OP?

youarewinning Sun 30-Nov-14 10:01:25

Sorry page refreshed and I've seen it now! I'm not surprised you felt ambushed - not easy to respond to the unexpected.

"Your dd is an A student but we are worried her fertility will be affected"

Meechimoo Sun 30-Nov-14 10:14:11

I just felt patronised. It was their implied subtext that it was a teenage whim and she was going to exist on grapes and pot noodles. Or something.

SaucyJack Sun 30-Nov-14 10:18:53

YANBU. Sounds like they crossed the line there.

Unclearpath Sun 30-Nov-14 10:58:17

Yanbu. It sounds a bit like they took the opportunity to jump on you. I really can't see how it's ant of their business!

HumblePieMonster Sun 30-Nov-14 11:02:33

Are they confusing veganism with anorexia nervosa? Or do they think that close attention to diet is an indication of impending AN? Because that's a sign they'll have been told to watch out for in their students, particularly in high achieving females who 'have' to be perfect.

VanitasVanitatum Sun 30-Nov-14 11:06:28

Well you said you were concerned at first because you didn't understand how she would get the necessary nutrition, you can't really be annoyed with them for being in the same situation as you. You should be really glad they care about her health.

Send them a link the the thread which helped you.

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