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to feel awkward in my own home?

(108 Posts)
lem73 Sat 29-Nov-14 13:05:22

My pils live abroad and visit two or three times a year. I don't want to go on and on about them because I appreciate relationships with in laws are not easy. However what I object to is the way they monopolise my dh and make me feel left out when they visit. When we're sitting in the living room or at dinner they will sit very closely to dh and either talk in a low voice so I can't hear or talk about stuff I couldn't possibly know about so I can't participate in the conversation. However what really drives me mad is that they actually spend most of the time in their bedroom and dh will go up and sit with them and they will often ask the kids to join them. This means I am sitting downstairs on my own a lot of the time when I'm not busy cooking or cleaning after them. I'm not sure if they sit upstairs to deliberately leave me out but the end result is I feel like a spare chair in my own house. Right now I'm sitting here alone while the kids are out and dh is upstairs with his parents. I'm fed up with it. They do make me feel like they're hear to see him not me. I get they miss their son but this is my home too! Am I being over sensitive?

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Sat 29-Nov-14 13:09:23

It does sound rude...especially the bedroom thing! Have you spoken to DH about it? That's where you need to begin...he should not facilitate this...the whole family going upstairs!?

Theselittlelightsofmine Sat 29-Nov-14 13:12:20

That's what hotel are for smile

Have you told DH how you feel?

MellowAutumn Sat 29-Nov-14 13:13:02

Go in the room and say ' ohh this is cisy - what are we talking about ?' - passive agressive with huge smile is your weapon of choice here.

Nomama Sat 29-Nov-14 13:13:14

Tell your DH that you are absolutely floored by how he is acting. Excluding you form 'his family' like that!

If his parents have a problem with you he should be man enough to explain it to you so you can both work through it.

Calling the kids up to their room? Ridiculous. Tell him and work out what you can both do to make this work for you both.

MellowAutumn Sat 29-Nov-14 13:13:21

Cosy !!!

ThursdayLast Sat 29-Nov-14 13:14:54

Yes I agree - DH needs to recognise his role in this and help you sort it out.

And as an aside I'd be going out right now and making myself unavailable for the rest of the day. Go catch up with a friend, or grab a coffe and read your book in peace somewhere.

patienceisvirtuous Sat 29-Nov-14 13:18:35

Go and lie on the bed next to them and say "DH or MIL, go and make us all a nice cup of tea", followed by 'this is cosy'.

Purplepoodle Sat 29-Nov-14 13:20:07

Leave them to it. Go out, stick tv and watch fav programme

Thurlow Sat 29-Nov-14 13:20:22

Eh? It's one thing for parents to want a bit of time alone to catch up with their child but... what does your DH say about this? Does he think this is ok?

MellowAutumn Sat 29-Nov-14 13:20:49

Or even better make them/you tea and bring it all on a try for you all with some sandwiches smile

MellowAutumn Sat 29-Nov-14 13:22:03

I would not go out or act like you dont care - they need to understand how the behaviour is unacceptable -

ChickyEgg Sat 29-Nov-14 13:23:07

You're not being over sensitive at all but I'd go up and ask 'why do you all hide up here?' It really needs to be broached and not carry on like this.

CromerSutra Sat 29-Nov-14 13:24:16

That's so rude of them! I would speak to your DH about it. That's horrible.

Nanny0gg Sat 29-Nov-14 13:24:28

The problem is your DH. He absolutely should not be facilitating this behaviour. If it carries on, find them the number of a B&B.

Thumbwitch Sat 29-Nov-14 13:24:36

I'm actually outraged on your behalf, but with your DH more than his parents! How VERY fucking rude!

Thumbwitch Sat 29-Nov-14 13:25:46

Sorry, so outraged, I need to post more.
I'd find the number of a hotel all right, and piss off there myself - have a nice break from the lot of them! IF they want to treat you like staff, then have a staff holiday and leave them to sort themselves out. Because frankly, that's what it sounds like they're doing.

grumpyoldgitagain Sat 29-Nov-14 13:26:27

I would stick some ac/dc or similar on the stereo very loud so they can't hear themselves in there room upstairs and when they come down to grumble just say oh sorry thought I was in the house alone, because that's what it feels like when you go for your cosy little chats and ignore me and leave me out

iamusuallybeingunreasonable Sat 29-Nov-14 13:27:28

A simple head round corner and "is something the matter?" Will shake them up

What a set of oddballs

LucilleBluth Sat 29-Nov-14 13:27:48

I usually hate the PIL bashing on here but my god op YANBU, they do sound mad and rude.

makeitabetterplace Sat 29-Nov-14 13:27:59

I'd take full advantage, leave the children at home and go and spend the weekend with some friends somewhere.

MistletoeBUTNOwine Sat 29-Nov-14 13:30:42

I know how you feel- my PILs go the extra mile and only speak in their native tongue hmm

MistletoeBUTNOwine Sat 29-Nov-14 13:31:08

Also do the bedroom thing. Its weird

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 Sat 29-Nov-14 13:32:00

It shouldn't be your pils your pissed off at.

Your annoyance should be squarely aimed at your husband.

I am always gobsmacked at these kinds of threads. Why don't you talk to your husband. Explain that this is bloody rude and that you are upset. If your pils went to sit in their room, that's their business, but your DH to join them...well, that's appalling.

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 Sat 29-Nov-14 13:33:23

*A simple head round corner and "is something the matter?" Will shake them up*

No chance. You are a rational person apply rational logic to the situation.

These pils are quite obviously fruit loops. And rude ones at that.

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