Im deeply ashamed about how I feel, so i've nc. I just need to say I in no way regret my daughter, I just feel very sad that i'm wondering if I've done it wrong.
My Dh and I have one child together, who is due to go to school next year. I am 23 ( we've been together since I was early teens) and have enjoyed every single second of being a mum. Total bliss for the first few years and this particular issue never crossed my mind. Now we've been desperate for another baby for a long time and have suffered 2mc. I am praying next year is our year at last. It will be our last baby. First babe very much planned and wanted, we hoped for a close age gap. We have our reasons for starting our family young, which are certainly still valid now.
I had a horrible, abusive childhood. I was a total mess during my school years and lost the plot. As such I left school with just 4 GCSE's. Only two are passable grades of C. I'm embarressed about this.
I went on to self fund two certificates (distance learning) in subjects I really enjoy and have worked in the related field since I began working. My job suits family life perfectly right now, but I don't believe it is a sustainable Job long term and am keen to open up my options. Right now I don't believe I have many at all. Im so sorry to be vague, my details would be very identifiable.
Anyways. Im stuck. Im desperate to get some solid, career defining qualifications behind me but am worried that A- I know that I would find it a struggle, that I am not really very smart- or not anymore anyways, I struggle to hold information and learn since having my dd
and B) the idea of "starting again" makes me feel like a failure. Like a teen mum who is worth nothing and just got knocked up. I know this isnt true, my husband and I have a solid relationship, beautiful home, our dd is lovely and we work very hard. I know I have a lot to be proud of, but eductaion and career wise, I feel a failure. But I also know that I am young and If i start now I'll be somewhere decent before I'm 30. I also want to be a good role model to my child(ren).
So here's the thing. I could skip redoing my GCSe's, doing A levels etc and get a higher qual related to my current field of work (lost of options to study without entry requirments, but I'd need to adjust some work things to qualify) .. but it'll never be a high earning career, theres no progression, I would just qualify for more roles where the requirments for the role are higher than my current. Its more like side stepping. Money is lovely but life balance and having another child is important to me.
Or I bite the bullet and start all over and forge myself a respectable career but will have several difficult years ahead of me, trying to juggle studing/training, working, parenting..... etc. I know i'd be so proud of myself if i did. But i'm not sure I truly believe myself capable.
AIBU to think I probably screwed myself when deciding to start a family young? should I accept that my options are truly limited now and adjust my expectations of myself?
and my god, this was so bloody long and I am so sorry to anyone who spent the time reading and thanks in advance to anyone willing to advise me. all round.
AIBU?
Young mum: Confused and need pratical help
Unclearpath · 28/11/2014 21:29
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