to ask about a 4.8 year age gap?

[moshwuckler]

Not a taat but the one going about age gaps got me thinking. I absolutely could not have coped ttc earlier than we did- and now dc2 due to arrive by e lcs the tuesday after next.
Ds1 not the easiest child if I'm honest- very sensitive, quite negative, finds other children difficult. Any advice about the age gap and how to make it easier on him and cope myself?

[LumpenproletariatAndProud]

I have 4.5 year age gap between mine and its perfect.

Before ds2 came along I thought that there were pros and cons of having either a bigger or a smaller age gap.

Ironically, I figured if they were close together they would get on well. When I see my friends who have two close in age, I realise that I was wrong. Very very wrong. They have always had to compete, I realise there will be some close in age kids that are great friends when they are little but I haven't yet seen it.

Mine have always got on amazingly, by the time the baby came along ds1 was old enough to understand, to empathise to my tiredness, for me to explain that I could help him in 10 mins while I finished the baby's feed, or old enough for me to leave down stairs safely while an spent 20mins settling be baby to sleep up stairs. None of this happens as easily with a 19 month old running around.

They get on like a house on fire, they adore one another. They can't wait until the youngest starts school (in September) so they can hang out with one another, they giggle together, play together, want to share a bed together (!!) and miss one another when ones at school.

I always thought the novelty would wear off but 3.5 years on they are still close.

Now, I can't see any cons of a 4.5 year age gap, I can only see great big fat lovely pros.

[BaffledSomeMore]

Mine are 4.5 apart and they don't really get on 80% of the time. Partly because they are very different and partly because the younger one is going through the terrible 3s and is being ultra competitive and grumpy. It is getting better and it will be fine eventually!

[ItsaboatJack]

Our gap is 5.3yrs. We planned it to be a lot closer but it didn't happen that way, and actually its been really great. Dd1 was a great help when dd2 was a baby, asking her to do things like help with nappy changes, dressing baby etc, pushed the buggy a bit. As always the important thing is to make sure they feel included.

Then when little one was a toddler, so dd1 was 7/8, she was able to get lo breakfast and turn the tv on on weekend mornings so we could get a bit of a lie-in. They still get on really well now, they do fight as most siblings do but not loads. Dd1 is now 10 and and dd2 just started reception, dd1 likes to 'play school' and help dd2 with her reading. The only difficulty sometimes is finding an activity or film or game that is age appropriate and enjoyable for both, but we just let them take it in turns to chose things.

[adamsmallbone]

4 year age gap here and it's fine. Much easier than having 2 pre-schoolers IMO. When DS was 4 mths DD started school full time and it's so much easier than half days (we live in wales so kids start school at 3 here). I've been reading the other thread about having 2 under 2 and I'm pretty categoric that for me that scenario would have been disastrous. I struggled enough as it was mental health- wise.

[ocelot41]

The gap between me and my Dsis is 5 yrs. We werent that close as kids but are now.

[notasleep]

Which section is the thread mentioned about age gaps in?

Fwiw have a 2 year age gap and not eating it so far!

[notasleep]

Eating? Rating!

[FreedomHuntress]

All being well, I will have a 4.6 year gap between DCs one and two, so I can't tell you from personal experience yet, but I did find this post very positive for us in the 4yo+ camp: www.thealphaparent.com/2012/07/what-no-one-tells-you-about-child.html, and am really feeling we hit the jackpot.

Good luck with your birth and new baby. Come back and tell me what it's like in a few months please! :)

[hifi]

I have 4.8 between my 2. It's only this year I have found the gap too big. Eldest is 10 and finds the youngest really annoying now, she hates playgrounds so have a battle every evening after school. One wants to play the other wants to go home. Will not watch the same films at the cinema as they are "babyish". Even drawing and painting are sneered at. I find it tough to balance at the moment.
When they have 2 sets of friends round they drive each other mad. I would have opted for a closer gap if it was in my control.

[TheNewClassic]

What is with the 4.8 and 5.3 ? Do people really describe their children's ages like that after say 2?!

[MorelliOrRanger]

My 2 are 5 years 9 days apart, my eldest is very placid so that helps. The gap perfect for us. X

[Chottie]

4.7 year between my two. No problems at all. They are now adults and are good friends as well as siblings.

[CrimboHornedSnowflake]

4 year gap between my two and (so far) they are devoted to each other. Partly because the eldest is at school so they're not in each other's hair all day.

[Showy]

LumpenProle has described my experience exactly. Youngest is 3 now, eldest is 7 and they get on brilliantly. DD can't wait for her little brother to start school.

For us it was the perfect age gap.

[trilbydoll]

It is about that between me and my sister. There will be a few years when the oldest is early teens prob when the youngest is just the most annoying thing in the world ever. The rest of the time will be fine! As pp have said, no competitiveness, we do our own thing, no resentment etc. Just don't try and force anything, with the best will in the world, a 7yo and 2yo are unlikely to want to be doing the exact same thing all the time!

[MurderonthetopCs]

4.10 years between my dds perfect ......

[moshwuckler]

Thank you so much for all responses, in general very heartening. Do you think gender makes a difference - ie are first born girls inclined to be more nurturing and compassionate towards the new born or is this rubbish?

[moshwuckler]

Thanks freedom for the link and yes I will come back to let you know how we're getting on!

[SophiaPetrillo]

Honestly...none of it makes any difference...age gaps or gender, it's your DC's personalities that matter. My DD is 17 and her DS is 13, age gap is 4 years and 2 months. From the outset she was bonkers about him and he about her. They are very supportive of each other and even socialise together with each others' mates. Yet, we have friends who have a similar gap and gender mix and their DCs avoid each other like the plague. There is NO pattern, no rhyme or reason. They'll be whoever they are, you cannot engineer it. I hope you have a very happy family unit, I wish you all the very best and am sure it will be wonderful. Good luck OP.

[Bettercallsaul1]

I'm another one in favour of larger age-gaps - it has worked perfectly for us. There are just over five years between my two and they have always got on really well. Now that they are in their twenties, they love, like and support each other and it couldn't be better. The huge plus for us, as parents, was that we really enjoyed both children - our older one had us to himself up until five, and then his sister had my undivided attention while her brother was at school. I would do exactly the same thing again!

[moshwuckler]

Thank you, so interesting and heartening as I am pretty nervous with a week to go till c section. Is it personality do you think, or happy non dysfunctional family dynamics that make the most difference in your view?

[ModerationInEverything]

4.10 between mine. DS first then DD. They are excellent friends 95% of the time even now at 12 and 7 They are very close and often fond plotting against us. I think the age gap is less important than the children having opportunities to share things together, such as mine love playing monopoly together. When DD was tiny DS loved doing things to help me with her because it made him feel grown up (and superior!)

[Nervo]

There's just shy of 4.10 years between mine. Great gap. My two are now 9 and 4 and choose to share a room.

Ds looks up to his big sister and dd dotes on her wee brother.