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To have another baby so soon after return to work?

(16 Posts)
Givemecoffeeplease Fri 28-Nov-14 16:20:09

Aibu to get pregnant again? Or more like - am I completely fucking up my career (decent, fun, a bit glam) if I do?

I have one DS, 9 months, and I am back at work after Christmas. Going back 4 days a week to a new boss who is late 20s and has a reputation for being non family friendly. I think his Thursday and Friday nights involve lots of spanky bars, class As, and pretty girls. Fair enough, but I also know he thinks part timers don't get as much done (I know that now I'm a mum, I can ABSOLUTLEY do my job in 4 days. I can change a shitty nappy on a wriggling eel ffs) and he is single and late 20s so has no concept of family life. We want to try for a second quite quickly. Whilst legally I can absolutley do this, do I need to accept that even in this day and age some people don't "get" that wanting a family doesn't negate ambition and drive, and I may have to accept 5 years of career plateau whilst I have my family? The thing is, I'm sure he's too smart to do anything that would stand up in front of HR, so it's more than he'll just "forget" me for any opportunities. He's also a big fan of my mat leave cover who is staying on and he is talking about leaving her on my patch (it's a sales role). I'm just after some honest experiences - I know in theory my job is safe and I should still be able to advance, but what really happens?!?! TIA.

zeezeek Fri 28-Nov-14 16:27:15

I think you probably already know the answer, don't you.

Givemecoffeeplease Fri 28-Nov-14 16:40:13

From a job perspective I'm fucked aren't I....

Sunny67 Fri 28-Nov-14 16:46:35

You could well be over looked for promotion because of being part time. Or you could be over looked because of attitude, class As and I assume you meant swanky bars not spanky. Did you work for this boss before maternity leave or is all this hearsay?

grocklebox Fri 28-Nov-14 16:47:24

you are soooooo fucked. It's not the way it should be, but its the way it is.

grocklebox Fri 28-Nov-14 16:47:26

you are soooooo fucked. It's not the way it should be, but its the way it is.

Scholes34 Fri 28-Nov-14 16:47:56

You can't have everything, unfortunately. And work and promotions isn't everything. I had three DC close together, didn't work for six years, then started a job in a completely different field on 25 hours a week, and have gradually worked up to full time, which fits in better around the DC now they're older. It's not a high-flying career, but I'm not fucked workwise either and working long hours with children at nursery was never an option for me . . . although I didn't necessarily realise that initially. It can be hard to go from work being everything in your life to work taking more of a back seat as priorities change. Of course, priorities don't change for everyone.

Givemecoffeeplease Fri 28-Nov-14 16:54:52

Thanks all. "Lean In" my arse Sheryl.

Look, it's the way I would choose it, babies over work, and I'm lucky to be able to do both and work a 4 day week. But I'm gutted because this guy hasn't seen my work and has clearly come up with an idea of who I am and what I do. It's going to be hard to change that. And I feel like I'm pressing pause on a career that stalled in the recession. All that hard work!!! Arghhhh.

Yes swanky bars. It initially auto corrected to spunky... Could have been worse.

LegoAdventCalendar Fri 28-Nov-14 16:57:03

Why not find another job first, stay to build up mat leave and then have another baby? You sound miserable there.

rallytog1 Fri 28-Nov-14 16:57:21

He might think a certain way about part timers, but if your work does the talking you may be able to change his mind...

KleineDracheKokosnuss Fri 28-Nov-14 17:01:55

Stay at the job but don't hold off on getting PG again. Have the baby and take the mat leave, then towards the end of mat leave find a new job. If has as bad as you say, you have no chance there.

Quitelikely Fri 28-Nov-14 17:02:14

Unreasonable? No. Crazy maybe !

EverythingsRunningAway Fri 28-Nov-14 17:04:50

Maybe give yourself a couple of months back at work before you TTC?

Use that time to wow him and get the lie of the land.

You're not even back yet. Going back and experiencing life as a working mother will give you a new perspective.

And no, you're not fucked.

But you will have to play smarter from now on. smile

Givemecoffeeplease Fri 28-Nov-14 17:08:07

Thanks all. Running I think you are right - time to be a bit smarter! I love my job, my collegues etc. Just not sure about the arrival of a party-hard whippersnapper. I'll go back and make a call.... Thanks wine

Sunny67 Fri 28-Nov-14 17:08:23

I wouldn't give up on the baby idea or the work one. Go back in January abd give it your best shot at proving him wrong. It can't be easy and he may well not think your committed if you've got a child and work part time but you may just show him otherwise smile

FATEdestiny Fri 28-Nov-14 17:12:21

I can ABSOLUTLEY do my job in 4 days

What did you do with your 'spare day' then when you were full time?

If you can do your job in 4 days as well as you did it in 5 days - that may be your problem.

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