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To want to know the honest truth about how much your DH does around the house?

(235 Posts)
ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Fri 28-Nov-14 09:24:17

Because I am so tired of mine being shite at housework. To clarify, he works 9-5.30 in a very physical job, leaves at 8.00am and gets home at 6 so he is tired. He generally works 5 full days a week...and he does jack shit in the house.

I work from home on average about 3 hours per day. I do the school runs on public transport with 2 dds. All the housework and all the basic stuff for the DDs such as taking them to their dance lessons on weekends doing their homework with them and most of the shopping and all of the cooking.

DH does a supermarket run once a week and the DIY things. He does take the DDs swimming or to the park on a Sunday and he really enjoys that.

He mucks in a tiny bit with bedtimes sometimes.

Is this fair? He had a go at me this morning due to the recycling not being sorted into their tubs ready to go out. I maintain that he should do that as I do ALL THE OTHER STUFF and I hate doing recycling. I put it outside in bags....he could then put it into the correct tubs and carry them out but he thinks I should sort them into their tubs ready for him to put out.

Is he a lazy fuck or am I being overly demanding given that he works 6 days a week? I don't mind doing the cleaning and cooking as to be fair, 3 hours work per day at home is hardly back breaking and I'm here anyway aren't I? But surely he could do the recycling!?

Aeroflotgirl Fri 28-Nov-14 09:29:05

Not much at all. He works from 10-7 and I am a stay at home parent.

Aeroflotgirl Fri 28-Nov-14 09:30:01

Claw your DH does for more than mine grin

Siarie Fri 28-Nov-14 09:31:51

It's varied over the years, when we both worked full time we split the cleaning 50/50 one of us did the kitchen one of us the bathroom each week then rotated. With all the other jobs split. We also both cooked 50/50.

Then I stopped working so I did all the cleaning and cooking, he takes the bins out and does all the sorting out the bills (talking to companies).

At the moment in pregnant and tired so we have a cleaner. He still takes the bins out and has taken over the online shop for food (thought of it makes me feel sick). When we didn't have a cleaner and I was really sick he did all the cleaning, all the cooking and continued to work full time while I held on to what humanity there is left (when you've got your head in a bucket 24/7)

Pointlessfan Fri 28-Nov-14 09:34:55

I think if he works 6 days a week it's not completely unreasonable of him to do less housework.
DH does a lot, he cleans the house every Saturday morning and does the washing up every night. He also does the ironing 9 times out of 10 but that's because he needs shirts for work whereas most of my clothes don't need to be ironed.
I really appreciate all he does but I am jealous of people whose partners do DIY. DH is hopeless at those sorts of things so we always end up paying someone to do them.

ProveMeWrong Fri 28-Nov-14 09:35:54

Yeah I am a SAHM and mine doesn't even take the bin out when it's in front of the door unless I specifically ask. He does DIY and likes to cook at the weekend. He does do bath time for DS and although I do all cleaning, we are a team until DS goes to bed as he looks after DS while I sort the house out. That works for us. Only thing that annoys me is not keeping to the basic standards of swilling sink after brushing teeth or dropping socks on the floor. I don't like being made to feel like a servant and tell him this much!

Mmolly2013 Fri 28-Nov-14 09:38:03

He seems to work a lot so yes i think he should do less housework.

But you are also busy so he has no right dictating about recycling, i hes annoyed that much tell him to do it in future

TattyDevine Fri 28-Nov-14 09:39:38

Mine does his own washing and ironing (business shirts). I do mine and the children's. He unstacks and stacks the dishwasher most days (if he's really late or away for work and there are enough dishes I'll do it) and tends to wipe up the kitchen side and give it a bit of a once over after I have cooked. I do all cooking and shopping and food budgeting.

He does a bit of outdoor stuff like clearing up leaves, but we have a lawn person who does the lawns, and a windowcleaner, and we get the cars washed at a carwash.

He feeds the cat in the morning and is in charge of the cat litter, and he puts the bins out. Of course if he is away then I'll do the bins.

I do pretty much everything else, though I have a cleaner come once a week. Things like changing beds etc tend to be done by me.

He also does stuff to do with children, like put them in the bath, read with them, etc.

I am happy with the amount he does, particularly seeing as he is not here nearly as much as me. I don't work. Also, he is quite tidy, and doesn't leave shit lying around or create any mess, if that makes sense. He's better than me in that regard. (Many women can't boast this from what I've seen, with the pants and the towels and the boots!)

Notmuchhaschanged Fri 28-Nov-14 09:41:47

How much DIY?

everybodysang Fri 28-Nov-14 09:45:10

DH does everything, basically. He's a SAHD though does also work from home (associate lecturer for the OU). I work full time in a very demanding job. I used to work from home and we shared jobs more equally then but now he insists on doing it as he say I work very hard to bring the money in. So very much a reversal of traditional roles. Sometimes I feel guilty that he does all the cooking, cleaning etc and he tells me HE feels guilty that I'm working so hard. So I guess that evens it out? I am not sure I'd be so gracious should the roles be reversed so I feel very, very lucky.

fatlazymummy Fri 28-Nov-14 09:46:04

I think that's a good point that tatty makes. If he is tidy then it seems fair to me, assuming your children are all at school. You work for 3 hours, that leaves 2-3 hours to do the housework.
If he makes a lot of mess and expects to be waited on ,then no it isn't fair because he's creating a lot of extra work.

Jayne35 Fri 28-Nov-14 09:47:08

My DH does all the cooking, all the DIY and all the Gardening. I do most of the cleaning (he does help often) and all the ironing which suits me as I hate cooking grin. We both work full time though. When I was a SAHM for a few years with EXH I did everything (except DIY/Gardening) as he worked long hours but again I was happy to do it as I was home.

ShumbTucker Fri 28-Nov-14 09:47:44

About 60:40 Him/Me. We both work FT with similar hours but I am studying at the moment so need extra time in the evenings to ensure I don't get behind. If one of us is working late or on call the other picks up the slack. Both our hours are similar to that of the OP but I occasionally work at home in the evenings.

RiverTam Fri 28-Nov-14 09:48:03

we pretty much share it. Dh works full time, I work part time but over 4 days, and do school pick up and then food prep on those days, so I only have 1 'day off', during which time I do a shop, some laundry, some housework, and have some 'me' time - read, watch a DVD, go shopping for me rather than food/family things.

Basically, I hate doing housework and am not very tidy, he's much tidier and cleaner than me, and more focussed, so when he does something, he does it very thoroughly, whereas I'm more 'on the surface'.

I think he has been very well trained as most of his friends are women, and pretty strong minded ones at that, so he's mainly lived with women who won't take any shirking. So by the time I came along (he was 29) there wasn't any problem.

RubMyLamp Fri 28-Nov-14 09:51:04

I'm a SAHM. DH does all the DIY, bins, gardens, and steams the floors once a month. He stacks the dishwasher every day after dinner. He will cook occasionally (I enjoy cooking so don't hand the reigns over very often!) and on weekends when we have all 3 kids (my DDs and his DS) he gets up with them both mornings and makes breakfast, gets them dressed whilst I have a lie in/leisurely shower. If I am ill (for example today I am having 2 wisdom teeth removed) he will do the majority of whatever needs doing, because someone has to do it and I've been to ill to do it. He doesn't resent doing it, and is brilliant.

Pyjamaface Fri 28-Nov-14 09:52:17

It probably works out not far off 50/50

DP works 5 days a week, I work 3. I do all the food shopping and general tidy everyday but he does most of the cooking and bins/cat litter.

I do the washing, he does the ironing. Everything else gets done by whoever is about that day.

I couldn't live with someone that wouldn't pull their weight tbh

ThinkIveBeenHacked Fri 28-Nov-14 09:52:32

Mine does loads. Im off on Mat Leave atm but usually work full time (shifts). He is a TA too so is off all school holidays so does all the stay at home parent stuff every school holiday while I work.

He is home by 5 every day except thursday (6pm). He
Brings stuff in from the supermarket on his way home if needed
Collects dd from childcare if he finishes before me
Bathes dd (3) and puts her to bed
Prepes bottles (whoever is in the kitchen when they need doing does it)
Half of the night feeds for ds (5 weeks old)
We each have one lie in per weekend, when it is his early start he takes the dc to the park so they dont wake me
He does the bins
He does whatever housework needs doing wjenever it needs doing (which is significantly less now Im on mat leave)
He irons his own work uniform
On days I am at work at seven, he gets himself and dd up, dressed and breakfasted amd drops.dd at the CM on his wa to work

The only things he doesnt notice is when the beds need changing, when the bathroom needs cleaning and when the fridge needs a clean out. If I ask him.to.sort any of these things though, he will.

GotToBeInItToWinIt Fri 28-Nov-14 09:53:23

DH works full time Mon- Fri and I am a SAHM to a 12 month old. I do the majority of the day to day housework, e.g washing, hoovering, general tidying. I also do most of the 'deep cleaning' when required. However he cooks our dinner every night and cleans the kitchen afterwards. He baths DD in the evenings. He deals with the recycling etc. If he notices there's washing in the machine he'll get it out and hang it up. If he notices it's empty he'll put a load on. He'll do any other jobs that I ask him to do, so if the bedding needs changing and I'm busy doing something else/looking after DD he'll do it (without complaining wink). He generally sees my 'job' when he's at work as being to look after DD, so when he's at home he thinks all housework should be split 50:50 so we have equal down time.

ireallydontlikemonday Fri 28-Nov-14 09:54:51

He does the garden, bins, DIY and the bathroom.

I do the washing, cooking and meal planning, cleaning the kitchen.

He is supposed to wash up / stack dishwasher but does it badly and it really winds me up.

We share all the rest as and when it needs to be done really.

Take it in turns to walk the dog.

He is a teacher, I work 3 days.

flightywoman Fri 28-Nov-14 09:55:05

Mr Flighty does most of the housework, always has.

I do all the cooking, and planning cooking and stocking up. And I wash-up sometimes. I also clean the loo and bathroom. He does everything else - laundry, hoovering, dusting, bins, recycling...

He's probably putting washing on right now and I'd be surprised if he doesn't Hoover today.

Basically, I'm a scum-queen and his tolerance is a lot lower than mine.

He works full time too.

I am very aware that he is unusual and I am extremely lucky.

chasingtherainbow Fri 28-Nov-14 09:55:29

Dh works 10/11/12 hr days mon - Fri. I work two 14 hr days.

DH does more than me by a fair stretch. blush everything from making our beds in the morning to... well. I occasionally hoover and I always do the bathrooms but that's it.

*disclaimer, I'm rubbish at housework and dh is a clean freak.

Your situation isn't fair no. And yanbu.

chasingtherainbow Fri 28-Nov-14 09:56:32

Er, yeah ditto flighty

XWhistleBlowerX Fri 28-Nov-14 09:56:34

We both work full time. His commute is 3 hours a day longer then mine.

I therefore do the bulk to keep the house ticking over during the week, we equally share over the weekends. Eg I peg the washing out, he will gather and iron it. I cook the evening meal, he does brunch. I do the shopping. He hoovers and does the dishwasher.

However, for the small window of time I was a SAHP it was my job to keep house running appropriately enabling him to work. Someone had to keep the roof over out heads, no? It doesnt take 50 hours a week to run a house since we stopped black leading the grate and beating rugs by hand.

CleaninQueen Fri 28-Nov-14 09:56:34

Dh works 8-6 but leaves at 7 and gets back at 7 mon-fri then usually Saturday 10-1 to finish stuff off and he has a physical job.
He hovers the living room, helps do the massive clear up on Sundays

Wellwellwell3holesintheground Fri 28-Nov-14 09:57:51

DH works ad hoc hours, usually leaving at 9am (he has a disability that makes getting up and moving difficult). Sometimes he works as late as 4am the next day.

He does cooking, washing up, childcare, laundry, gardening, diy, recycling. And so do I. He does a bit less than me but I work fewer hours. He does more in the evenings (eg will load dishwasher at 3am) but I always have to do everything in the mornings and his disability means he struggles to pick things up from the floor and clean the bath. He sometimes needs a nudge but I'm much more organised than him and far more aware of what needs doing.

If your DH lived alone he would have to do everything.

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