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To still feel a bit upset after poor treatment from a friend?

(7 Posts)
burgundytartan Thu 27-Nov-14 18:20:17

In the end, I broke contact with a friend after feeling just completely used.

However, I still miss her and feel bizarrely hurt by the fact she hasn't contacted me - I know this proves the point in a sense, that she actually wasn't a friend at all.

Has anyone had anything similar? And how do you sort yourself feeling used and set up? It was a long friendship - dating back over ten years.

nilbyname Thu 27-Nov-14 18:22:13

You have to make peace with yourself and keep sending yourself messages that she was NO friend at all.

Shame you miss her, that is hard, do you have someone else you are close with? Friendships are important.

burgundytartan Thu 27-Nov-14 18:28:08

I do have other people thanks smile but yes I do feel a bit aggrieved still, silly I know smile

maggiethemagpie Thu 27-Nov-14 18:28:19

I could have written this post myself. I knew my friend for 10 years we had some good times but towards the end she just totally left me out, made me feel like crap, would agree to meet then cancel etc.

It was worse than a break up in some ways as I never had the closure.

I just came to the conclusion one time after she had let me down yet again that I was the one putting myself in the situation by going back again and again, and it was masochistic of me.

I resolved last new years not to contact her ever again and have stuck to it! We do have some mutual friends so I have bumped in to her a few times and am friendly and say hello and have a chat but it's meaningless really.

I too miss my (ex) friend. I don't miss what she turned in to but I miss the friendship we had. It's sad to see her updates on fb and know I am no longer part of her life. I also miss her husband who I was also friends with - in fact I was there the night they met. She is just about to have her first baby but I won't break my promise even to congratulate her. When I had my second child she barely bothered to acknowledge me, in contrast to my first when she was texting me all the time I was in hospital and rushed round the day after I got home to see me.

I have pretty much got over it now, it still hurts sometimes and I dread seeing her at mutual friends houses. I know I am better off without her though. So I definitely made the right decision to cut loose and so did you.

calmexterior Thu 27-Nov-14 18:36:25

Yes, I cut off contact with a good friend for a couple of years because she let me down once too often, didn't acknowledge births of my DC etc. In the end though I missed her and got back in touch and she was really pleased. I think she thought I was too busy with DC and that's why I hadn't been in touch. We've met up since and things are good again.

addictedtobass Thu 27-Nov-14 19:30:31

Yes I cut off a friend for using me. She was a very good friend and then she got married, changed in personality for the worse and cut me out- unless she wanted something of course.

She came back into my life three years ago telling me I should call and text her and I told her to arrange something. Funnily enough she never did. We met a few times after - random bumping intos- and she said the same every time. I told her again every time that she would have to call me.

She still hasn't. I can't say I'm surprised so now I say only 'hello and goodbye'.

Ev1lEdna Thu 27-Nov-14 19:45:46

Interesting.

A friend broke contact with me. I'm sure she had her reasons but she didn't share them, at least not with me. This was a long term friendship too and one which was important to me. Initially I tried to contact her but she ignored me - again without explanation. I may well have done something wrong but there is no way of knowing. Unfortunately this wasn't the first time she had done this. I was in an interesting position at the time, struggling with my first child and quite profound depression (quite how bad it was wasn't clear at the time.) I felt very hurt she had chosen this time to do this without speaking to me.

Despite all this I have only contacted her briefly once to congratulate her on her first child via Facebook. I don't know if she saw the message as we aren't friends and it would have gone in her 'others' folder but we have mutual friends. I think of her often and I do miss her but her actions at the time hurt me too.

I think most likely we were both in the wrong but so much time has passed and it is hard. I feel awkward about reaching out to her again having been rebuffed/ignored before.

You say you felt used, does she know why? Have you tried to talk to her about it? Without communication things can't be healed and then so much time passes. She may be waiting for a move from you. If the friendship is important to you perhaps you should try to salvage it. If it isn't then it is sad you miss her but you will have to accept it. It is possible there is a misunderstanding between you both but only you can know that. If you are ignoring her she could be hurting too.

I think what I am trying to say is there are always other sides to the story but you are the only one who can control how YOU handle it. I do hope you feel better, a lost friendship is one of the worst pains. I know I cried about mine even recently.

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