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Probably me who is being unreasonable....or could be DH.

(26 Posts)
raltheraffe Thu 27-Nov-14 09:55:15

I am struggling a bit at the moment. I have a past history of drug and alcohol addiction and although I am still clean of illicits and drink, since my mum died I have developed a nasty caffeine habit. I am not talking about 1 or 2 coffees a day, I am talking about numerous energy drinks per day.
On Monday I decided to quit the caffeine. I have felt like crap since, but hopefully I should be through the withdrawals by next week.
I struggle with my sleep as I have bipolar and if I do not sleep well I do not function as well as I should.
Last night I was woken at 5 am by DHs mobile phone. The battery was low and it was beeping every few seconds. Since the phone beeping accident I have been unable to go back to sleep and now feel fragile and sleep deprived.
I have pulled DH over it. Why even have the phone on overnight? If there is a chance the battery is low why not leave it downstairs? He was not expecting a call in the night so why put the phone by the bed?
He has not apologised over the incident, just said he did not know battery was low.
I am probably being unreasonable here, but am hardly thinking straight with sleep and caffeine deprivation.

FunkyBoldRibena Thu 27-Nov-14 09:56:39

I do think you are being unreasonable. Can you get some sleep today?

Anonnynonny Thu 27-Nov-14 09:59:19

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable, he made a mistake, that mistake has screwed up your day.

However, I too don't think people should have mobile phones (or landlines) in their bedrooms precisely because they may wake them up. Not just because of low batteries, but because of misdirected calls etc.

Emstheword Thu 27-Nov-14 10:01:26

YABU I'm afraid

tigermoll Thu 27-Nov-14 10:01:29

Sleep deprivation is horrible and it sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment. Well done on dealing with your addictions and you should feel very proud of yourself.

However, YAB massively U.

Why even have the phone on overnight? If there is a chance the battery is low why not leave it downstairs? He was not expecting a call in the night so why put the phone by the bed?

Most people keep their phones switched on and by their beds at night even if they are not 'expecting a call'. There might be an emergency.

Apologise to your boyfriend if you were rude. I'm sure he'll understand that you are having a tough time at the moment flowers

Quitelikely Thu 27-Nov-14 10:03:46

I think your judgement is being clouded by your lack of sleep. Say a quick sorry and move on.

raltheraffe Thu 27-Nov-14 10:05:04

DH is a lovely person and normally I would not get too upset by such an incident. However I am in bad caffeine withdrawal.
I cannot understand how "normal" people can just have the odd cup of tea/coffee here and there. I fell off the wagon with caffeine when mum died, which was over a year ago now, and since then my caffeine habit has spiraled out of control and I am necking several litres of these bloody energy drinks (Red Bull, Monster etc) a day. This has led to me having anxiety attacks and migraines. Saw the GP who was gobsmacked at the amount of caffeine I am taking and I was ordered to quit.
I guess I just have an addictive personality, hence why I no longer drink alcohol.

ARGHtoAHHH Thu 27-Nov-14 10:05:07

It would have annoyed me and I am not going through any withdrawals. But I am usually unreasonable when it comes to my sleep.

This is why we sleep in separate rooms (take turns - bedroom / sitting room).

You are being extra touchy ATM, understandably. Your DP was unaware what was happening and probably doesn't see it as a big deal in the grand scheme of things (its not really) - which is why he doesn't feel the need to apologise (which is a shame- if he just apologised, the issue would probably dissolve - I suspect the non-apology is playing on your mind, as it would mine)

I can understand both points of view, but I think it would be best if you just forgot about it. It was just an unfortunate thing, and no big deal really.

Do you have a spare room / sofa bed? Perhaps you could try sleeping alone tonight, to make sure you get a full nights sleep.

Thebodynowchillingsothere Thu 27-Nov-14 10:11:03

Your dh hasn't really done anything wrong really has he,

Well done to you got kicking your addictions that must be really hard got you. Get some sleep if you can and move on.

Surprised posters don't have phoned by them at all times. I have 4 older kids who are out and about and elderly parents so need to.

Mrscog Thu 27-Nov-14 10:15:00

No one is really being unreasonable, it's just one of those things. But unfortunately one of those things which has led to a much harder day for you today. Maybe your DH could ensure his phone is on silent overnight in the future?

Just think, only 10 hours and you can go back to bed smile And well done for recognising the caffeine and kicking it.

MajesticWhine Thu 27-Nov-14 10:15:10

My phone woke up DH twice the other night by vibrating when an email came in, or something. He was not best pleased. I apologised. End of story. I think he owes you an apology. But there is in no point getting too upset about it.

Can anything help with the caffeine withdrawal? I am envisaging a nice long walk, some herbal tea, then a hot steamy bath. And then a snooze. But I don't know much about it really. Hopefully it will pass very soon.

LittleBairn Thu 27-Nov-14 10:17:06

ralf it does sound like you rotate addictions. Is your GP able to access any form of counselling?
My DH has a serious Pepsi addiction of 20+ years it doesn't affect his moods but does totally fuck up his sleep pattern. This year he managed to cut down he was amazed by how much better he felt it has really motivated him.
But getting over that initial week was really tough.

raltheraffe Thu 27-Nov-14 10:32:22

what does rotate addictions mean? You mean I quit one thing and then end up on another? That sounds like me.
The illicits and alcohol were the worst but I got off them 4 years ago and now it is caffeine and high carb food. My aim is to get the caffeine withdrawal done and then tackle the crisps and cake next.

Majestic a nice walk with our dogs sounds like a great idea

raltheraffe Thu 27-Nov-14 11:52:59

spoke to the gp, was lucky to get a last minute routine appointment.
he is saying I should go back to my original alcohol and drugs counsellor, who is a really nice lady, as she can also deal with legal addictions of caffeine and crisps.
just feel so bloody useless, cannot understand why other people can have a cup of coffee here and there and I end up on litres of energy drink.

raltheraffe Thu 27-Nov-14 11:53:25

apologised to DH and he has been really understanding

LittleBairn Thu 27-Nov-14 12:56:21

ralf yes you are constantly replacing your addiction with something else it is a really common issue which is why I was wondering if there was some sort of counselling avalible to help you break the cycle.
It will also be why your addiction counsellor deals with 'safe' addictions too.

You are not useless at all the total opposite, you recognise the issue and are getting help that's a really postive step.

I'm really ridiculously sensitive caffeine so I try and avoid it at all costs I've never had issue with addictions (a rarity in my family!) but

There are loads of people with a caffeine addiction they probably just don't realise it or the effect it has on their body.
People think just be aside something isn't seriously mind altering like drugs or alcohol then its not serious. My dad when he gave up alcohol became addicted to Apples of all things and whilst everyone though it was funny its not a good idea to live solely on apples!

Beware of replacing actual mind stimulant addictions with other instant gratification one like shopping or gambling.

LittleBairn Thu 27-Nov-14 12:58:08

I'm really ridiculously sensitive caffeine so I try and avoid it at all costs I've never had issue with addictions (a rarity in my family!) but I probably could have developed one if I didn't cut it out completely.
I blame my grandfather for the milky coffee in my baby bottles!

raltheraffe Thu 27-Nov-14 15:57:36

Well just wasted 40 minutes on the phone. Drug and alcohol services refusing to take me as they do not deal with caffeine. Primary care counselling services refusing to take me as I have Dx bipolar. Secondary care services refusing to take me as I am not totally delusional and a danger to myself or others, so a bloody waste of time. Computer says no. This is the problem with cut backs to mental health care, it basically only seems to exist now for those who are totally psychotic and need locking up, everyone else just needs to pull themselves together and get on with it.
I will be buying a self-help book and leaving it at that.

hellsandwich Thu 27-Nov-14 16:17:45

Sorry to hear that ralth... I would have thought it's the principle behind the addiction, rather than what you're addicted to, that they could deal with (IYSWIM). Go back to your GP. Explain DAS won't help - he may be able to refer you elsewhere (for CBT for instance).

raltheraffe Thu 27-Nov-14 16:54:11

I think I am wasting my breath. He referred me to the One Point Access thing but they said they could not take me as a primary care patient due to the BP Dx and could not take me as a secondary care patient as I do not have a pdoc or CPN. I cannot get a pdoc or CPN because I am stable so that is not an option. It is sad that MH services have been cut back so much people can now only access support if they are very ill.
I really need help with addiction as even when I detox fully from the caffeine I still have the high carb binges to deal with. A lot of the food binges are at night. I take these BP drugs at bedtime and about 40 minutes later I could literally eat a horse. It is a SE of the BP drugs. A few weeks ago I woke up in the night and thought I had located a luxury bar of chocolate on the bedside table. I did not realise DH had put this bar of soap there, but soon realised when I crunched into it and swallowed half. It was gross.

redredroyse Thu 27-Nov-14 18:31:19

I think YABU but I have to admit that when I gave up diet coke a couple of years ago the comedown was horrific - more like coming off heroin than coke.

Shakes, vomiting, nausea, headaches like nothing else on earth - it was horrific.

raltheraffe Thu 27-Nov-14 20:29:43

Well I phoned the surgery again and explained computer said no, so they arranged an appointment with the duty doctor, who has basically said I can go to this charity that offers counselling but that it about it, so I told her I would buy some self help books and she agreed that is probably the best option.

hellsandwich Fri 28-Nov-14 10:02:22

Why not try the charity option? They often pick up a lot of the work statutory services should be providing (particularly in a cash strapped operating environment). xx

raltheraffe Fri 28-Nov-14 15:37:22

I have been to that charity before and did not find it very helpful. However I am feeling a lot better today and only have another week of the withdrawals to go through.
I am getting some self help books as that could make a real difference to me.

Hatespiders Fri 28-Nov-14 17:37:23

Just wanted to say a huge 'well done you' for dealing so effectively with your addictions. You've got loads of courage and determination.

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