To think it really doesn't matter?

[Babyleopard23]

I have posted before about my letter-opening, house decorating MIL.

So myself and DH live abroad and our first DC will be arriving inbetween Xmas and NY via c-section. We have a rough date that the consultant suggested on our last visit but nothing will be booked until December.

My DM had previously booked to fly over for 4 days inbetween Xmas & NY as she is unable to come in Jan (when my due date is) and we didn't know at the time that I would actually be having the baby then. This is a great help to myself and DH as she can stay at our house to look after our dogs, as DH will be staying with me, and also visit me in hospital. She will be leaving before I even get out of hospital and her next visit is planned for Feb half term with my DGM.

So I get a very strange/snotty message off MIL yesterday (DH is currently away) saying that she has heard from other people my DM has flights booked so I've obviously booked a date for baby to come and not told her. I explained that she already had these booked and like I told her before I won't know until my next appointment. To which she replied she was very confused because she had been told my DM wasn't coming until after DHs paternity leave had ended (I have no idea who this has apparently come from) and was very cold/rude and seemed angry about the whole thing?

AIBU to wonder why this really matters??
It sounds crazy but I couldn't sleep last night stressing about it because she went on to ignore my next messages and didn't reply at all which is something she never does.
I think I'm stressing more about the fact this woman will be coming to stay at some point and she's already made me so angry and upset in the past.

Oh and just to add she complains every single time my DM comes out to visit me saying she comes over too much (maybe 6 weekends in a year mostly when DH is away) when she is welcome anytime but choses to holiday elsewhere.

[TanteRose]

you don't need the stress.

disengage and get your DH to deal with her - she's his mum, not yours

[indigo18]

Is she really welcome any time? It sounds as though she is jealous that your DM will be there when the baby arrives, but she has to deal with that herself, not put it onto you.

[Babyleopard23]

She is constantly invited and asked by DH when she is coming to visit and although a lot has happened between myself and her we do get on well when together and when I last visited home I stayed with them which was fine she's always very nice to me and does treat me like family apart from when she has these crazy moments (which have never been face to face, always over messages). We have never had an argument or anything that would make her not want to come and stay with us. She's says she is coming then always changes her mind mainly saying she can't leave the other children alone (meaning with their dad at ages 15 and 18).

[MonstrousRatbag]

Gosh, I'd be tempted to text her to say 'It is none of your business when my mother comes to visit me, or why'.

Seriously though, she seems to have engineered a situation where you have to justify having your own mother come and visit you, and that's wrong. Especially since it makes no difference to when and how often she can visit (by the sounds of it). I really would not answer any messages in that vein in future, or any rude ones. The minute she goes there, why not ignore and get your DH to tackle her about it?

That way, she will realise you two can have regular 'phone contact provided it is reasonable and polite, but not otherwise.

[Babyleopard23]

Monstrous that is exactly what it is like! I feel guilty for having my own mother come and visit me.
If it continues I will tell him when he's home but it's hard as he's military and currently deployed so it's literally the least important thing I have to tell him. Things like this always a seem to happen with her when he's away... Coincidence?

[MonstrousRatbag]

Coincidence-no!

You could be blunt back, e.g. 'Why do you expect me to justify having my mother mother visit me?'

What would she say to that, do you think?