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Am I being mean and making MIL freeze

(228 Posts)
40somethingwonderful Thu 27-Nov-14 08:00:36

Lots of history with MIL who is difficult at best.

She is coming to stay for a week at the beginning of December and she already has been moaning to other relatives that her awful DIL will make her freeze, by this she means not whacking up the central heating to 21 degrees as she does in her own home.

My 2 dc's and myself so not feel the cold much and we usually only have the heating on for a few months when its really cold, dh feels it a bit more but quite happily wears a jumper in the winter months, myself and DD really struggles if it is too hot and when we visit MIL & FIL we can not stay too long as its too hot.

I do not want to make her feel unwelcome, but also can not stand it being too hot, so we usually set it for 18 degrees, (which is about the most I can stand) MIL will wear a thin top and a very thin cardigan and then complain she is freezing and asks for a blanket. We have bought her thick jumpers and thick cardigans for Christmas, but she does not bring them to wear.

Where MIL is concerned my views are very cloudy, she is not a frail old lady, she is early 60's and very active.

I have always been of the opinion you can add layers, so AIBU and am in fact ill treating my MIL.

FreeSpirit89 Thu 27-Nov-14 08:03:21

YABU - why not purchase a dressing gown for her to wear. Or hot water bottles

Monathevampire1 Thu 27-Nov-14 08:05:00

YANBU just remind her before she visits that she needs to pack a thick cardie.

Sunna Thu 27-Nov-14 08:06:54

I feel a bit sorry for her. I have discovered that you do feel the cold more the older you get. Layers aren't always enough.

xvxvxvxvxvxvxvxv Thu 27-Nov-14 08:09:27

YANBU if she's already moaning before coming that you're freezing you she's probably looking forward to it and a good old moan after. Some people are only happy with something to complain about.

bberry Thu 27-Nov-14 08:09:29

I do think you are being a bit unreasonable...

I have an old house and it's generally colder than most friends/family... I virtually pass out at friends/mil's overheated houses but when they come to stay here I want them to feel comfortable so I have electric blankets on all the spare beds, slippers, socks, robes and blanket/wraps, candles, bath bombs wyc in their guest baskets and yes... I whack the heating up fir them....

Even for the mil who is a difficult/rude individual...!

WizardOfToss Thu 27-Nov-14 08:09:33

Just say you take the fact she is your MIL out of it, and think of her as a visitor, in order to look at the situation objectively.

You and DD are very uncomfortable if you are too hot. She is very uncomfortable if she is too cold. I would say it's more difficult to cool down in a hot house (unless you go into a different room), than it is to add layers. So layers it should be.

Could you consider a compromise though, by making sure her bedroom has the rad turned up individually? And make sure her chair in the living room is extra cosy with blankets etc?

Good luck.

Finola1step Thu 27-Nov-14 08:09:35

YANBU to want to feel comfortable in your own home. That said, it's good manners to make sure your guests are comfortable.

Therefore, I would leave out an extra blanket and thick cardigan on the bed she will be sleeping in. Also, if its safe to do so, I would look at buying a little heater which she can have on in the room she sleeps in.

Boysclothes Thu 27-Nov-14 08:10:38

It's horrible being cold. It's also a bit shit being hot. As a cold person I wouldn't spend Christmas somewhere where the heating was only put on at 18 degrees, I would just be miserable.

Could you split the difference at 19.5 and just be ready with hot water bottles and blankets?

ajandjjmum Thu 27-Nov-14 08:11:38

We avoid going to DH's sister's house for long, as it's always freezing!

Dawndonnaagain Thu 27-Nov-14 08:12:01

YABU, she is a guest in your house, why wouldn't you want her to feel comfortable. If you're too hot, go into the kitchen and open the back door for a bit. It's one week, not a daily occurance.

atticusclaw Thu 27-Nov-14 08:12:41

There is nothing worse than being cold.

I live in a big house and I am home alone all day and so do not have the heating on. I have the fire on and I have a heated throw for when I'm working. My parents are always living in an oven and so when they are coming I put the heating on in readiness for them. They are guests, it's only polite.

PIL on the other hand never have any heating on and it's always freezing in their house even for me. It's not nice at all.

Buy her one of these. It is my favourite thing in the world and apparently costs 1p to have on for three hours.

www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/1021576.htm?_$ja=cgid:17436843513|tsid:59157|cid:199888953|lid:94469901633|nw:g|crid:55565296713|rnd:7509245299067123313|dvc:c|adp:1o1|bku:1

dancestomyowntune Thu 27-Nov-14 08:12:56

She would freeze in our house. We don't have central heating. We have a small electric fire in the lounge (which is on for maybe an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening at present) and a convector heater upstairs that I haven't switched on yet this year. We use hot water bottles, jumpers and blankets. Central heating is very bad for you. My kids rarely get colds or viruses and are quite fit and healthy.

Boysclothes Thu 27-Nov-14 08:13:43

Having said that, I do feel for you. I lived with FIL for three years, a fit and active man in his fifties, who believed room temp was 25 degrees. And he would only ever wear a t shirt. CH was left in overnight too. It was suffocating!

LadyLuck10 Thu 27-Nov-14 08:15:49

Yabu, it's one week can't you put up with it just for the sake of good manners to a gueSt? Does it have to be an issue in the first place? I wonder if you would treat your own mother this way.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Thu 27-Nov-14 08:17:06

Put the heating on higher so her room is warm but turn the radiators down everywhere else. Cold houses are horrible.

WooWooOwl Thu 27-Nov-14 08:17:13

You may have history that means you feel less accommodating towards your mil than you woudo otherwise, but if you are going to host her then you should do so graciously. That might mean putting yourself out slightly to ensure your guest is comfortable.

18 degrees in the house woudo be too cold for a lot of people. Put it up a little bit more and buy her a big dressing gown that that she can wear over the top of her clothes.

Putting an extra layer on does nothing for cold hands, and extra layers aren't usually that helpful unless you want to put on so many that you end up uncomfortable.

BlackeyedSusan Thu 27-Nov-14 08:17:18

if she does nothing to help herself, then I do not think yabu. if on the other hand she was waddling round like the michelin man and still freezing, then fair enough to complain.

UniS Thu 27-Nov-14 08:17:28

MiL whinges for the exact same reason here. Oh and only brings white smooth soled trainers.

We live in the sticks. There is no pavement and the lane will be muddy and puddled , just like it is every winter... We have lived here for some years.

We do leave the heating on while they are here, but only at 18 ( rather than our normal 16 for a couple of hours) and we have the woodburner going in living room.

MiL whinges but her own house is also flipping freezing apart from the living room and her bedroom....

Boysclothes Thu 27-Nov-14 08:17:30

My mum and dad have a halogen heater in their bathroom. It's better than a fan heater as doesn't throw out suffocating hot air. Can you buy her one and she can have it directed on her in the lounge and in her bedroom?

Quitelikely Thu 27-Nov-14 08:18:59

I think yabu. Turn the heating up to 19 or 20 degrees. It's inly for a few days out of your life. Is it really that hard? You are being difficult and there's no reason why you can't wear a best or whatever if you get to hot.

ProfYaffle Thu 27-Nov-14 08:19:15

Pil's house is always cold, we've cut visits short before because it's just so unpleasant.

Some of the compromises suggested here, such as the heated blanket or an extra heater in her room, sound like a good idea.

Quitelikely Thu 27-Nov-14 08:19:18

A vest!

trice Thu 27-Nov-14 08:20:57

She is a guest. Turn your heating up to 19.

My house is warm my sisters is cold. I put an extra jumper on when I go round. And socks. And wooly hat. And still have to do star jumps in her kitchen to warm up. It's unwelcoming.

SurfsUp1 Thu 27-Nov-14 08:21:19

I put our heating on to 21 and we live in Sydney!

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