To be slightly miffed by teachers comments

[wonderingstar01]

My DD, who is 13, has attended a private school for the past 3 years and throughout that time has been really unhappy. I've put it down to her being a teenager but things got so bad that for everyone's sanity, I was forced to dig deeper and get to the bottom of her problems. Her main issues (there are many) are that the school is a breeding ground for arrogance in the boys, the girls are in the main completely disingenuous and the teachers are just along for the ride - if they turn up at all. She simply doesn't feel that she fits in and misses her old friends dreadfully. For those, and many other reasons - but mainly that she is desperately unhappy, she and I have made the very considered decision that the best place for her to be is with her friends at the local state school and she starts there on Monday.

Those teachers who have been interested in why she is leaving have initially all assumed it is because of financial difficulty, one even asking her outright in front of everyone - does your mum have money problems?

She doesn't want to get into a long debate with them about her reasons for leaving so just says that it simply isn't for her. But, quite frankly, it's pissing me off.

[saintsandpoets]

Write a letter to the school telling them exactly why. Make it reasonable and not rangy though.

[saintsandpoets]

ranty*

[erin99]

Your DD's politic replies will stand her in good stead. It really, truly doesn't matter what they assume. Hope she loves her new school and this is the start for much happier times for you both.

[wonderingstar01]

Thanks saints. I wrote to the school giving notice and laid out the reasons for her leaving but I guess the contents of this don't trickle down to teacher level.

[t3rr3gl35]

It doesn't matter what they assume. Their assumptions, their mistakes.... FWIW one of my daughters was unhappy at her school for much the same reasons and I moved her to another fee paying school where there was less attitude. Some schools just seem to attract a certain "type".

[wonderingstar01]

I thought I'd researched this particular school well but it seems there are some sinister things going on behind the scenes which are very well disguised by clever marketing. I decided to send her to a school we know well, which is attended by all her friends and recommended in the main by their parents. This time I spoke to all her teachers and head of year as well as the head so hopefully it will work out better for her. Fingers crossed.

[Twentythree9teen]

Being devil's advocate for a moment, they have have been asking that because they want to tell you about scholarships or sliding scales or something, to help your daughter stay. If that's the case it was still tactless, but kindly meant.

[Jessica85]

You are not at all unreasonable in being annoyed. A teacher should never ever bring up parents' financial situation with a student in front of a class. Very occasionally it may be necessary in private (though I can't think of an example off the top of my head), and sometimes students themselves mention it, but for the teacher to bring it up in front of a class is totally unacceptable.

[DeWee]

I was thinking similar to Twentythree. I expect if she'd said "yes" then they might have gone along to the Bursar/whoever would sort that sort of thing and asked if anything could be done. It's a compliment to your dd that they are that keen for her to stay.
Sometimes parents are embarrassed and deny that sort of thing and produce all kinds of other reasons to hide it. Which actually is a very good reason for not asking in front of everyone, but possibly meant in a nice way.

[wonderingstar01]

Thanks everyone. I hadn't thought about it like that. I suppose given the fact she's leaving mid-term with little notice might give off the wrong impression and the teacher in question was only asking with a view to helping her stay. We didn't see any point in hanging around once the decision was made and I am still paying the fees up until Easter because of the lack of notice. I have to say that they are very understanding when it comes to financial difficulty - my DDs friend's parents are paying her fees over 20 years and have been given every scholarship and bursary available.

[crocodilesarevicious]

Good grief, you're absolutely not BU.

In my world, you just don't ask about finances unless you have a very close relationship with someone!

[erin99]

How is she finding her first week at her new school OP?