Husband and birthday...

[Dukketeater]

My husband is usually a good man so I wonder if I am just being a princess...

It was my birthday a few weeks ago, less than a week before he asks what I wanted, was a bit hurt he left it that late to ask as I plan in advance and assumed he have sorted something (& had already bought his xmas presents!) but nevertheless said a day or night out with or without the kids would be nice or failing that a new make up bag. We sort of settle on a Friday night up town and my parents offer to babysit. Then a couple days later his work van goes in for a service and he gets a £400 bill and we recently had a holiday so I ask if he can afford the night out - he says only if on a credit card so I say not to worry. Birthday comes and goes and he gets me nothing but a card, not even a £10 bouquet from the m&s garage. I cook the dinner and wash up that night, he does NOTHING for me at all, not even run a bath to make an attempt at making something special be done for me.
To make me feel worse, at 9.45am on my birthday I drove past his mum going into the off licence... She is an alcoholic who was recently sacked, amassed £500 of bills we bailed her out of and at the time I told him we would end up going without at some point because of it (my birthday it seems!) so I was already upset to have seen her going in there that early knowing I was missing out that day :(

Since then, almost every day he has gone on about getting a new £45 Playstation game & it has just come to the point where I actually felt I had to say WTF!!! I pointed all of the above out to him and he just says "well tell me what you want and i'll just stick it on a cc" ... That's not my point, aibu? How, in the same calendar month, can my birthday be totally passed by and him think its ok to buy a new £45 game? Am I missing something? I know if I told my parents or my close friends they'd agree with me and think he is a dick and use it to judge him, but please, impartial people, who ibu?

[OwlinaTree]

Yanbu but you said not to worry so he isn't.

[Dukketeater]

Thanks Owlina, that makes more sense as to how his mind works!

[Humansatnav]

YANBU
Would he like to just get a card and nothing else on his birthday?

[HSMMaCM]

Yanbu I don't expect presents on my birthday, but I do expect a cup of tea in bed in the morning (birthday law in our house) and not to be cooking or cleaning for a day.

[Hatespiders]

YANBU, but some men are like this, in that they don't 'bother' about Birthdays or presents, cards etc. I think he should have done a little something for you, as he knows full well it means a lot to you.
My dh doesn't earn very much, he's a part-time school cleaner on the minimum wage, but he bought me some lovely rose-scented soaps and a pretty card, which he absolutely filled with writing telling me how much I mean to him etc.
I'm sorry you had such a non-event for your Birthday OP. I think you need to have a talk with your dh and make it quite clear that you were very disappointed and feel unappreciated. Some men need this pointing out - firmly!

[redexpat]

Has he been shit at birthdays before?

[Dukketeater]

Nope, he isn't great with them but never shit! :/

[drbonnieblossman]

I think he's taken "don't worry" very literally hasn't he. Tell him how disappointed you were or he won't realise and you'll stew about it.

No doubt someone will come along soon to ask if he is always this bad and suggest your relationship is on its uppers.

[Fairenuff]

Birthday comes and goes and he gets me nothing but a card, not even a £10 bouquet from the m&s garage. I cook the dinner and wash up that night...

Woah, there. Why did you do that. Why not ask him to cook and/or wash up? It's martyrish to just do it yourself and complain about it afterwards.

[maras2]

That is very unthoughtful and very unkind.However I agree that you should not have cooked dinner < a tad martyrish >.Nonetheless, he's a pig.

[caroldecker]

You need to tell him what you expect - you said no to dinner out (understandably), but you should have told him to cook a meal for you rather than don't bother - he is not a mind-reader

[MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig]

My dh is like this. He sorted cards from him and the dcs but apparently my present hadn't arrived yet. Still hasn't. He did take me out for dinner at the weekend though and sneakily arrange for my friend to babysit. Mind you he'd been saying for ages that we'd do that at some point anyway.

[Nabootique]

I don't think you should have to make it known that you don't fancy cooking/cleaning on your birthday! "Not to worry" means don't spend any money, not don't make any sort of an effort. Cooking dinner, cleaning up and maybe a nice back rub wouldn't have cost him anything. My boyfriend was literally potless on my birthday but he made me a present.