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AIBU to say how I feel?

(9 Posts)
Joolsy Tue 25-Nov-14 19:04:15

Bit of background.....my dad has recently been diagnosed with Parkinson's. He'd been feeling poorly & quite low before the diagnosis but since he was diagnosed & been taking medication he's been much better, getting out & about, driving, playing sport etc pretty much like he used to.

He's been with his partner for 20 yrs & she has 2 daughters who live about the same distance away as we do (1 hours drive). However I've noticed since they had children (2/3 yrs ago) he has taken much less interest in me & my 2 DDs. It's always me ringing him, whenever I mention getting together he's very vague & always says "yes, we'll arrange something soon" and it usually doesn't happen. I would normally put it down to his illness & the fact he might not want to go out as much but him & his partner frequently go & see her daughters & their children. I really feel we've been put on the back burner. I know I sound jealous & I probably am! Also he is the only grandparent my girls have & I feel he doesn't even really know them very well any more. I don't feel I can just say we're coming over as it's his partner's house & they always seem to be busy anyway.

Joolsy Tue 25-Nov-14 19:10:34

Sorry just read the above and realised I sound completely unsympathetic to how he might be feeling....I love him dearly and have been very worried about him but he does seem like he's back to his old self. I just miss him & don't want my girls missing out on seeing him.

Slutbucket Tue 25-Nov-14 19:39:00

It sounds to me like he is a typical man who let's his partner do the social organising. She is quite clearly prioritising her family over you. You need to tell him how you feel.

Joolsy Wed 26-Nov-14 11:51:43

Thanks Slutbucket, yes I think you've hit the nail on the head. I just don't know how to say it when I ring him. I've been going along with it for so long and I'm scared to say what's on my mind.

SaucyJack Wed 26-Nov-14 11:54:19

Would it be possible to make future arrangements with his missus?

Slutbucket Wed 26-Nov-14 12:57:23

Actually you don't have to be adversarial all you need to say is you want to see him more. I had a similar conversation with a family member and it worked. We have a good relationship now .

Davsmum Wed 26-Nov-14 13:35:46

Are you not close to his partner? You should be able to call round to see your Dad but I know that can be difficult if you don't feel welcome?

Can you ring him to say your DDs miss him and would like to see more of him? Even though it is his partners house, He should really have established that you and your DDs should be welcome.
Your Dad could come to see you when his partner visits her children.

Joolsy Wed 26-Nov-14 13:41:32

Yes I'm not really close to her, I love her to bits & we've never fallen out, just never really been close. For instance, when I ring & she answers, I say "how are you?" and she says "fine, here's your dad" and passes me over straight away. I guess we used to be closer before her grandkids were born but now it seems to be all about them. And to be honest her daughters have alot more support than I have - apart from DDs and OH I don't have any close family at all apart my dad.

Davsmum Wed 26-Nov-14 13:49:25

That is a shame, Joolsy
I think you need to make the effort to get things back to the way they were. Why not ring her when you know your Dad won't be there and just try to chat to her? Or ask her advise on something?

I think the best thing to do is to be honest and let your Dad know you feel isolated and would love more time for you and your DDs. It IS difficult to say how you feel to someone - but if I were you, I would even try having that conversation with his partner.

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