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To sincerely hope motherhood is not the best thing I will ever do?

(436 Posts)
purplebiro Tue 25-Nov-14 18:47:46

I'm 12 weeks pregnant, recently announced on FB and an old school friend commented "congrats - it's the best thing you'll ever do". AIBU to really want to reply "I sincerely fucking hope not"?

I know she was trying to be nice and I am delighted about the pregnancy but I am also highly intelligent, ambitious and hard working - if the best thing I'm ever going to do is with my womb, I might as well give up now. AND I doubt anyone would ever say that to a man.

NotSayingImBatman Tue 25-Nov-14 18:50:43

I would imagine this may offend highly intelligent, ambitious and hard working SAHMs, OP.

Notsuretoday Tue 25-Nov-14 18:52:48

Agree with NotSaying, but would also say with all due respect that you have no idea how you're going to feel when you've had the baby. I don't think anything can prepare you for the emotional impact.

YellowYoYoYam Tue 25-Nov-14 18:53:21

Umm, I think I might say it to a man. Maybe that's wrong too?

I don't think having a child is really comparable to anything you may or may not achieve in your working life. Even if it was, for me kids would still trump that. Maybe that's not the same for everyone.

Are you worried that people are going to see you as "just a mum" now?

attheendoftheday Tue 25-Nov-14 18:53:53

I'm pretty sure dp would rate having our dds as the best thing we've ever done.

Have dc doesn't exclude you from doing all manner of other things but it's often pretty life changing!

hollie84 Tue 25-Nov-14 18:54:04

Motherhood isn't just something you do with your womb. How odd. You do realise you'll actually have to parent your child once it's born?

Vitalstatistix Tue 25-Nov-14 18:55:12

Well, I think if you can only pick one thing to do very well in your life, the successful raising to adulthood of another human being has to be on the list grin

I am trying to ignore the fact that it is so twee and sickly and look to the meaning. having children is extremely rewarding and in terms of the human race, probably the single most important thing any human can do grin

It may not be the best thing you will ever do, but it should be the thing where you always try to do your best.

I wouldn't read too much into it, it sounds like she was just saying it's great to have kids, lots of fun and very rewarding.

is this your first? should I be careful what I say about the rest of it? grin

Notsuretoday Tue 25-Nov-14 18:55:13

Look at it this way - there is no job in the world you'd be prepared to give your life for. For your child, you would.

smileybadger Tue 25-Nov-14 18:55:14

it should be the most rewarding thing you ever do..the hand that rocks the cradle rules the worldsmile

LadyLuck10 Tue 25-Nov-14 18:55:19

I personally think it is the best thing you could do to have children but you should also have other ambitions in life.

Gingerandcocoa Tue 25-Nov-14 18:55:39

And what do you think will be the best thing you'll ever do? Become rich? Famous?

I can't imagine what can be a better achievement than raise a human being.

I certainly hope that being a mum is the best thing I'll ever do, because it's certainly much harder work than my senior level, high flying career....

Andrewofgg Tue 25-Nov-14 18:55:50

Purplebiro When I let it be known that I was going to be a father a colleague, male and my senior in every sense, congratulated me and said Make a good job of it, Andrew, whatever you achieve in your day-job it's the most important thing you'll ever do - and he was right.

And that was thirty years ago.

aquawater Tue 25-Nov-14 18:56:16

I pity your children.....

ComradePlexiglass Tue 25-Nov-14 18:56:31

Congratulations. I hope it will be one of the best things you will ever do. I would say that to a man too. And to any person, whether intelligent, thick as mince, ambitious, laid back, hard-working or lazy. Doing things with your womb is cool and doesn't mean you need to give up doing things with your brain and heart and will. In fact you and anyone else involved in the parenting will need to use all those things to bring up the little fucker as well as do all the other best stuff you want to do and deal with all the shit life throws at you.

fuckwitteryhasform Tue 25-Nov-14 18:56:53

I don't think she means the pregnancy and giving birth is an achievement. Being a parent is the best thing I ever did / chose to do because I love my kids unconditionally and they love me back. I work and have three children, my career is fulfilling and a huge achievement but it doesn't give me the same sense of emotional wellbeing and long term good feelings that having children has brought to my life. My career is not going to look after me when I'm old. I think you are overthinking misreading your friend.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Tue 25-Nov-14 18:57:27

Motherhood is the best thing ive ever done. It doesnt negate all my other past or future acheivements.

But I am happy to say (as I am sure.most parents are) that having kids is fucking hard the best thing theyve ever done.

Andrewofgg Tue 25-Nov-14 18:57:49

And in any event OP much love, good luck, and come and tell us when your little miracle is born, and give him/her a kiss from cyber-uncle Andrew!

Heels99 Tue 25-Nov-14 18:57:57

I suspect you will feel different when your child is born. Out of interest what is it you planuto do that you think will be better?

morethanpotatoprints Tue 25-Nov-14 18:59:25

It was the best thing we ever did OP
However, it has never stopped us from doing anything we wanted or needed to do.
I think there are times when you have to compromise, but being a parent gives you a new mindset anyway and the compromises aren't resented. Not in our case anyway.
I do think people say this to men as well, I know several friends and colleagues said this to my dh.

BackforGood Tue 25-Nov-14 18:59:25

I agree with most - despite lots of achievements in our careers, I consider the way we've raised our children to be the most important thing we've done - massively challenging yet hugely rewarding long term 'work'.

ShatterResistant Tue 25-Nov-14 18:59:25

I bet, by the time your baby is a year, max, you will understand exactly what your friend meant.

seaweed123 Tue 25-Nov-14 18:59:48

Ha, I know what you mean, and a year ago I would have said exactly the same. But today, while feeding my baby, I disagree- I can't justify it, but there is.

But I think it is still a dickish thing to say to someone. It's ok for me to think it, but rude for someone to think it of me.

Tinks42 Tue 25-Nov-14 19:00:10

Its also the best thing I've ever done too.

ShatterResistant Tue 25-Nov-14 19:00:25

(And so will your baby's father.)

Andrewofgg Tue 25-Nov-14 19:00:32

Heels99 Perhaps being a grandparent is even better - I am still waiting to find out - because you can hand them back!

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