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To be afraid to leave the house with my hideously heaved dd

(130 Posts)
Kab13 Tue 25-Nov-14 14:56:12

She's 2 in feb. She's amazing in many ways, she loves people she knows and has many lovely traits.
But like every other child or human being she has some negative points!
She has the most explosive temper ever, the moment she thinks something isn't going her way she lashes out at anyone who's near her, including other children (even of they have nothing to do with what she's upset about) she hits, repeatedly and when you pick her up to remove her from the other children she slaps me in the fave with both hands whilst screaming and pulling herself to the floor.
The moment we go anywhere she does this on purpose for a reaction, attention seeking is normal I know but she is continuous!
Other mums are just starring at me thinking just what I thought before I had a child "she must be parenting wrong" I stay calm, I repeat myself when needed and watch her 24/7 to make sure she doesn't lash out at another child but she managed it from time to time and the tantrum in the middle of the play area is sooooo embarrassing.
I just don't want to take her out anymore, she is horrible unless she is getting her way entirely or sat infront of fucking ice age which I HATE doing.
I want her to enjoy life, enjoy other children and various experiences but it's just not possible with her temper.
She won't do anything for more than 5 seconds and is impossible to entertain in the house.
Honestly, she's a brat.
I love her dearly but right now I hate being a mother.

Iggly Tue 25-Nov-14 14:58:16

Is she tired? Any tummy issues?

Does she talk properly? Any hearing issues?

Mammanat222 Tue 25-Nov-14 15:00:34

Does she take her shoes off when asked? grin

Seriously though have you raised this with your GP or HV?

Has anyone else commented (people that know her well - your family and friends?)

Mammanat222 Tue 25-Nov-14 15:01:47

Tantrums suck arse and can make even the sunniest of children nightmares.

I sympathise, my DS has just learned the art of throwing a tantrum and they still stop me in my tracks.

Kab13 Tue 25-Nov-14 15:50:45

She's probably not tired is say in total about 2.5 hours a day. She goes to bed very well at 7pm and wakes at 5am sad she then goes back to sleep for 10am for an hour and by 2 she's a nightmare again.
I don't want to add another nap in, she already sleeps too little at night, I'm afraid if I add a PM nap again she will wake even earlier. Ughhh.
She had been assessed for autism, we are in the process, it's so hard to tell at this age.
Sometimes she just flings weasels around for "no reason" we've just got home, sat with her watching ice age (eughhh) and she just randomly violently flings her arms around whilst sat on my lap and hit me in the face with a book she's holding?
She's manic!

Kab13 Tue 25-Nov-14 15:51:46

Herself *
Apologies if I'm making no sense I'm a little stressed :L

Kab13 Tue 25-Nov-14 15:53:05

No, she doesn't take her shoes off when asked, if she did she would probably just throw them at me.
I don't think she understands sentences. At all.

surroundedbyblondes Tue 25-Nov-14 15:53:48

Sorry, I realise it's no help but the thought of throwing weasels around, with or without intent made me laugh!

AlpacaLypse Tue 25-Nov-14 15:55:29

yy it is so hard to tell at this point if there are significant signs of ASD or if it's just a particularly tantrum-y child. The important thing is that you and your HCPs are looking into it. Meanwhile... you might find some ideas on how to manage her temper over on the Special Needs area of the site. You have to opt in to see and join in with those threads.

AlpacaLypse Tue 25-Nov-14 15:57:28

Go to Customise, by Talk at the top, and instructions are near the bottom of the page it will send you to.

Kab13 Tue 25-Nov-14 15:57:39

At least throwing weasels around would be more entertaining to watch.

BuzzardBird Tue 25-Nov-14 15:59:49

What happens if you warn her before you leave that as soon as she plays up you will go straight home?

Get the weasels sold, it's not fair on them, even if they are vicious.

How is her communication?

Kab13 Tue 25-Nov-14 16:01:55

She wouldn't understand that, not one bit.
She doesn't even understand "dd get your coat on, we are going out" or "if you hit once more we are leaving"
Communication = none
Doesn't make it easy!

minibmw2010 Tue 25-Nov-14 16:09:19

Has her hearing been tested? You may find she is actually over-tired. My DS only sleeps well at night if he naps in the day and he's 3. I would give her a short nap (I hour) at 10 and then another short (again 1 hour) at about 2.30 and hopefully then she can stretch out to 7 without problems. Good luck.

Kab13 Tue 25-Nov-14 16:11:26

Not yet, waiting for apt, it would be nice to think it's just hearing issues / lack of understanding!
I will probably try that tomorrow. Fingers crossed but means we have to be in for 10am and 2pm because she won't sleep in the buggy. Find it so limiting.

BarbarianMum Tue 25-Nov-14 16:13:20

Poor you and poor dd. If she doesn't understand and can't communicate then the world must be a confusing and frustrating place for her and an exhausting one for you.

I think the only reason for going out at the moment would be because at least one of you are getting something from it. Are there any trips that give you that? Maybe sack toddler groups for now and try parks and playgrounds at quiet times, or quiet country walks instead (but make sure you build in some face time with other adults somewhere for your own sanity).

While you wait for the assessment it might be good to start working on communication - including using makaton or PECS maybe. Try posting on the Special Needs children section, the ladies there will have lots of ideas. Any improvement in communication you can make will really help, whatever diagnosis or none.

BuzzardBird Tue 25-Nov-14 16:15:08

When is her next assessment? Do you have to help to occasionally give you a break?
I would check out the 'special needs' thread as suggested above.

I hope you get some answers soon. thanks

TeWiSavesTheDay Tue 25-Nov-14 16:15:57

Do you still use a buggy? I would get one with good straps and bundle her in it at least once a day so you get a chance to leave the house.

Might she have sensory issues and be flipping out because she finds the play centre/other children too stimulating? In which case you could try the park or library early in the morning when they are empty.
Can you let her choose her own clothes?
does she have a bland safe space you can plonk her and leave in while she has her tantrum?

I had a very difficult 2yo who is now being assessed for sensory issues and all of the above helped a bit.

Kab13 Tue 25-Nov-14 16:18:57

I just feel bad staying in. And the only way we managed walks is with her in the buggy and she only lasts about 20 mins before she's crying and trying to get out, which is fine if only she didn't run off in the opposite direction, throw herself to the floor or refuse to move.
And rains don't work, she just sits down when she realises she can't go where she wants.
It's hard staying In, she doesn't "play" even when encouraged and I'm trying to play with her. Kind of just gets bored and finds something destructive to do.
It's mainly communication/lack of understanding but I think she's also very "strong minded?" In general.
Posted in sn, just want her to have a happy childhood.

Kab13 Tue 25-Nov-14 16:21:39

We do still have a buggy, it's not the best though, one of those "out and about" 3 wheelers and the straps are a bit naff.
The consultant we saw expected sensory issues, but she was private so we are still waiting to hear back from HV, they haven't even given an apt yet and it was 1 month ago we contacted them.
She doesn't get the concept of picking her own clothes, although she loves soft fleeces etc.
we have a few.

Kab13 Tue 25-Nov-14 16:22:17

We do the "time out corner" works fine whilst at home not so fine in public!

BuzzardBird Tue 25-Nov-14 16:34:27

The only suggestion I have re 'time out' is to use a square of fabric at home in the 'corner' and take it with you for use outside of the home.

minibmw2010 Tue 25-Nov-14 16:34:27

I think you sound very ground down by the whole experience and that's completely understandable, I sympathise hugely because we've had a very tough time with our DS but he's now 3.5 and really becoming a joy and a lot of fun. We've had to put a lot of effort Into improving his speech, a LOT. But him getting enough sleep definitely helped us. If you don't want to be in for 2 naps aim for one long one at midday for 2/2.5 hours. If sleep is a problem for her she will hopefully naturally start waking later in the mornings anyway once she's rested enough in the day. It may take a week or two as you say she's up at 5, but distract, read, play in the garden (even in the cold), keep her going, let her watch TV (it's not the evil devil all the time) and then let her crash. She'll hopefully wake later in the morning after a while plus manage until midday with less problems.

Re her hearing, push as hard as you can. Does she go to a nursery at all? Ask them or your Dr for a SALT referral. Our nursery did this for us when our DS was 2 and he's had a 6 week 'group course' and 2 assessments since and they've helped his language massively, which on turn has helped his temper and just general day to day attitude.

Stay away from softplay and groups for now, it'll just stress you out. xx

Kab13 Tue 25-Nov-14 16:43:28

I am ground down, not because of how it affects me but I feel so so bad for her.
I just wish so much she could be happy and do "normal" toddler things.
I don't do toddler groups but I try soft play because she has a bit more freedom.
I didn't want to "give in" and avoid normal things but I think I'll have to.
The day is so long it's hard to occupy her at home all day.
As suggested a walk a day may have to be it .
I will call HV again tomorrow, she doesn't go to nursery but consultant suggested she does so she has a nursery report & can be referred to salt.
Can't help but feel I've let her down, the guilt of motherhood!

minibmw2010 Tue 25-Nov-14 16:46:24

I would bypass the HV, go straight to your GP, explain your worries, ask them to refer her for hearing tests to get the ball rolling.

I know it's hard to occupy them inside all day but if she is over-tired it shouldnt take very long for you to reap the benefit of good naps and then you'll be able to take her out more confidently pre and post nap.

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