to call her out on this?(53 Posts)
Someone I know has recently made some serious life changes. I can't really go in to details as it will out her and me, as some of you will know her story. Suffice it to say her life is now completely different to what it was six months ago. That's not my problem (and before anyone suggests otherwise, I'm neither jealous of her life nor unhappy with my own). In fact, some of the changes I would have positively encouraged!
My problem is that she's told a web of lies about how the changes came about. There are several different versions of each story she tells, all designed to get the reaction she wants from the people she's telling. She blogs, and recently her blogs have been a bit OTT. She's giving off all these wonderful highly moral stances and claims to be trying to educate people, but in reality she isn't giving everyone the full details. One of the big things that's bugging me is the fact she's deliberately disguising how long her 'life changes' have been going on for. She making it sound like it's been a long drawn-out and considered process, but in reality it's been 6 months. Opinions on what she's doing would change drastically if people knew the genuine time frame.
WIBU to call her out on it?
YANBU if she is professinga guru like status on these things the people (who may be vulnerable)relying and using the advice deserve to know.
What would you hope to achieve? Would you hope she'd feel like a fraud and a fool? Would you get some satisfaction from it?
I'd get nothing from it. It makes absolutely zero difference to my life.
The people she's gathering as her followers would get genuine honesty. Some of them are vulnerable and seem to look up to her.
It sounds very much to me that you don't like the attention she's getting. Could she genuinely hurt people? Or are you just hoping to rush in and push her off her pedestal?
What do you hope to achieve by challenging her? Is her editting of the truth likely to cause harm? People present versions of themselves that aren't the whole truth all the time, it's only since the internet that we get to see all the different versions side by side. Unless you think she's causing harm to other people by changing the details (hard to think of an example, but eg encouraging people to crash diet rather than cutting down on cakes) then it's hard to think of a justification for getting involved.
How many people in this world does anyone get totally transparent, honesty from though?
I hope my children look up to me as I look up to my own parents, but complete honesty? No.
You don't need the full facts and ins and outs of a persons life in order for them to be a good influence, provide guidance or otherwise effect behaviour.
You've said you'll get nothing out of it so if your only other concern is for people to have total disclosure then I'm not sure it's necessary. Are the various versions of 'her' truth causing any undue harm to a single other person?
I'd consider your motives
cailindana, you're right, I don't like the attention she's getting. She's creating a storm around her and it's not based on the truth. She can't do any actual harm to anyone, but she could give some vulnerable people false hopes.
What do I hope to achieve? I don't really know. Letting her know that I know is about as far as I've thought. I doubt very much if it would change a thing. I've seen what I perceive to be an injustice and I want to address it.
Are you worried because you think her story could make others think they could change their lives as quickly as she appears to have done and actually they need to understand it has taken her a lot of effort and time to do?
It's not an injustice. It's someone telling porky pies. If others want to be sucked in then let them. But you're not some social warrior out to bring justice to the world. You're annoyed someone is getting attention for something that's not quite true.
I'm guessing it's juiceplus-type-thing and she's preaching about healthy living?
It hard to say without knowing what she blogs about (although I understand why you don't want to say more) but I just want to say that my mother is the kind of vulnerable person who could easily latch onto someone, or someone's experience, in a desperate bid to turn her own life around. She has always been a seeker of the reason why her life isn't has she thinks it should be and of a way to rectify that. In the last she has latched unhealthily on other people and their own life experience thinking it would provide a magical solution. Some people have been unaware that she was doing that and others have taken advantage of her either by making themselves sound more capable then they actually were and by definition making my mom feel very inferior and in awe of then. Now I don't know if I explained any of those coherently at all, to really go into in I would probably have to write a whole book. And I don't know if this applies at all to the situation you were describing but I think it's important that your friend is aware that it's not all about how she feels when people react the way she wants and are impressed by her life changes (as nice as it feels for her) but some more gullible and vulnerable person could really be affected by what she writes.
I think it should be approached tactfully by you though, you don't want to hurt her feelings or invalidate your point by making it sound like you are jealous or are just trying to put her down.
What she's doing may be no different to all these 'celebrities' who come out with similar stuff and people latch on to their 'journey' eg. Those countless workout DVDs. It's really up to each person to fall for it or not.
I can't see why you are so invested in this.
I disagree the she can't do any harm with falsely representing a positive change in her life, particularly if someone like my mother were to be following her blog. I don't know if kinkyfuckery in right about the juice plus or a similar venture but I can tell you that is exactly the sort of things that have hooked in my mother in the past and have hurt her a lot and me by association when I was a child. To the point of moving several times to please/do as she thought she should or as she thought other older members wanted her to do. I lived in 12 different flats in the space of ten years, went to 6 different schools and lived in uncertainty for a lot of that time. My mother even moved us in the same house a some other members while they were teaching her to turn her life around. I appreciate your friend is probably not like that but that fact of the matter is, the person who got my mom into that particular environment is not the one who made her move or had us live with them, she was less involved, but she still was the one who introduced my mom by basically saying to her you can change your life around, I did it and it was easy, a look how well I did. If she had been more honest instead of relishing my mom's attention then maybe things would have been different.
I know my mom is a particular example, and she was quite vulnerable then but she can't be the only so desperate to change her life with a magical fix. Maybe your friend isn't the type to take advantage and want to control some else but she could lead the way to vulnerable people meeting such people particularly if she is advocating something like the juice plus thing which involves people setting up sales and investing money and time and changing their social circle rather then just a bit of self help.
Sorry to go on.
You will come across as bitter and jealous and might not believed. If adults want to follow her that is their business. There is no 'injustice' here. Leave it and move on, get this person out of your life.
Really OP if people are silly enough to believe everything they read in a blog is the God's honest truth, there's no helping them.
If I were you, I'd butt out and stop reading her blog if it's having this effect on you.
is it my blog? I know I'm quite preachy in it?
The actual changes might've happened in the last 6 months but it could have been brewing for a long time inside.
Is it twisting the truth a bit, or full on bullshit?
BeeRayKay I don't know, I'm actually not sure what name this person uses on here
I've been thinking about my motives for wanting to say something to her. I do want to take her down a peg or two. It's more than just the time frame, you're right DrownedReindeer it's full on bullshit. She's twisting the truth and shouting down anyone who questions her. She has a shiny new word that she likes to use that cuts off any argument in a second and even when someone isn't being the phobic thing she perceives them to be, it's a difficult accusation to come back from. Why does that bug me so much? Why don't I just walk away? I honestly don't know. I want to tell people she's not their champion, that she's not fighting for something they hold so dear, that actually she's just using her new life to catapult herself into the dizzy heights of notoriety. It's not just confined to her blogs, she's splashing her life all over the place.
Yes, I probably would be unreasonable to say something, because it shouldn't bother me so much. But it does.
ILive I'm sorry you had to live through all that, it sounds like a very hard way to grow up. The thing titis person is doing isn't as damaging as that, thankfully.
Has this friend of yours been in the media a fair bit this week by any chance?
Okay then IHateBruisedBananas I wasn't sure what it was so I think that in that case you are right to be annoyed but unfortunately I think you might come across as petty and jealous if you tried saying anything (not saying that you are though). That is not to say that I wouldn't want to say something too if I were you but it's an awkward situation.
I appreciate what others have said, it's people's business if they choose to believe or not but I just wanted to point out that sometimes people don't realise how much they are influencing other people and sometimes that can be really bad.
Unreasonable? No - who is this person to preach and think she is mightier than any of us, and if she really doesn't have background or valid reasoning behind it, then perhaps people do need to know the bigger picture. However, if they want to believe it, you can't stop them.
Petty? Perhaps... but you must have a good reason for calling her on it.
I would say that there is a time and place to plaster your life all over the internet. If her family are part of this grandiose advert for her changes; something is going to snap. Maybe she needs a reality check.
I have an evangelical friend with a blog (several blogs) who's always banging on about how amazing the latest thing is. She lived somewhere unusual for a while, going on about how great it was. Turns out it's cold, miserable and cramped and she couldn't wait to leave. It's bloody annoying following her FB statuses about her latest fad but I know the real truth and just shrug and think if that's what she needs to present to the world then so be it. She doesn't advocate dangerous stuff, just limited information on stuff which if people had the bigger picture might come to a different conclusion from her. It's annoying but I'd say just shrug it off and try to let it go. It'll be hurting no one but you in the long run. Opinions might change if they knew the truth but is it hurting them to not know the full details? If not I'd leave it and try and minimise your interactions with her.
If you don't like what you see then look the other way, this is none of your business.
You want to take her down a peg or two? Really are you Peggy Mitchell? I think someone needs to take you down a peg or two!
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