to think I shouldn't have to be grateful to my husband

[newrecruit]

I have a work event this week in the evening (6 until 8).

My husband is quite far away that day so I will need to find someone to cover the first bit as he can't guarantee he will be back in time.

However, he's not happy as he will have had a long day and then be expected to get the children to bed (9 & 5) to bed and sort his dinner out. I gave some sarcastic reply.

He has a hobby which he does at 9, but I'll be back by then. However, apparently he'll be rushed.

He is not now speaking to me as I am not "grateful enough" that the has to put himself out in such a way.

Am I being unreasonable to
a) just laugh
b) shout
c) LTB

Oh, and he has 2 nights away on work jollies over the next 2 weeks. He did not ask my permission to go, nor has he expressed any gratitude or made arrangements about what I'm going to eat.

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

YANBU - he sounds like a tit!

[PercyGherkin]

Tit.

[TheWitTank]

Dick. I suggest all 3 options.

[MissPenelopeLumawoo2]

Put him self out by looking after his own children while you attend a works event? Tit. YANBU.

[HadleyHemingway]

Knob.

[HerrenaHarridan]

Yanbu.
Although I've never managed to get my head around the whole issue of wether you shout be patronisingly heaping praise on a partner who does an unequal share when they actually make a contribution in order to encourage them in future
OR
wether you should just openly say 'well quite frankly that's still less that a fair contribution'

If you figure it out me know enjoy your 3 hours!

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

Fuck him. You shouldn't have to be grateful for him looking after his own children!

[NewEraNewMindset]

I love the comment about him not asking your permission to go out, nor expressing gratitude for you putting the children to bed or organising your dinner for that evening.

Please say that to him and watch him bluster an explanation. His actions are basically saying that his work and hobbies are more important than your work and that your job is the house and children thus he is acting like you should be paying him to cover your shift.

[MyOwnJungle]

I think he needs to be more grateful to you

He clearly undervalues your role. He just expects you to do it and do it with a smile and never ever need help no matter what else you've got on.

so yanbu. He's the one who's not grateful.

[Inthedarkaboutfashion]

Don't cook him any food for at least the next fortnight. Let him see that he should be grateful that you are there to sort things out on a regular basis.
He is being a selfish tit.
He is a grown man and he can cook his own food.
If I was in your position I would also fail to return at 9pm on the night in question so he will have to miss his hobby.

[schokolade]

Trouble is New, he wouldn't bluster a reply. It would be different of course

[grumpyoldgitagain]

I would be taking my time on the way home and make the grumpy bugger late

[meltedmonterayjack]

There should equality in a relationship. You have chosen to have children therefore BOTH partners should, as far as is practical, aim to take equal shares in raising them imo.

YANBU one little bit. You shouldn't be grateful - he's not doing you a favour here.

[Boomtownsurprise]

Fuck him. Id return late.

But I'm proper evil sometimes.....

[MyballsareSandy]

Fuck his hobby at 9pm, I'd go to the pub after the work event, and get back about midnight.

[newrecruit]

I am self employed.

Apparently, this seems to mean that I am in charge of my own diary and should therefore arrange it around him.

Every time he blames my 'attitude'. Insists that he doesn't have a problem with it apart from the way I talk to him.

The reason I am stroppy with him (and I don't think I am that stroppy) is that he huffs and puffs so much that I then snap. He then sulks, or shouts and swears because of the way I treat him - he sees no irony in this.

It feels like he'll find an excuse to turn it into a row every time, no matter what I do. Last week I arranged his Dad to cover, I didn't even bother asking, but that was wrong too because he wasn't expecting him to be there when he got home. I had told him in advance but he clearly wasn't listening.

I have pointed out to him before that there are times I feel like it would be easier to be a single parent.

[FishWithABicycle]

YANBU

But so are you for letting him develop this attitude over the past 9 years. Seriously, if you didn't between the two of you establish that he has to pull his weight, and he's been used to you shouldering all the burden of home responsibilities, then that's not something he developed on his own.

When did you return to work? And when did you last sit down and talk about how he would take a fair share of domestic tasks?

[grumpyoldgitagain]

Well you may be in charge of your own diary but if that is the times a customer can do then you have to fit around them, and he has to grow up and do his share of looking after the kids

Work trumps hobbies when you are self employed, you have to take and grab the income while it is there

[bitofanoddone]

Stop doing his laundry and cooking. Now.

[maras2]

If he was my DH he'd soon know what stroppy really is the lazy pig.

[RiverTam]

is this all part of a bigger picture, OP? He sounds like a dick. What does he bring to the shared parenting party - anything?

[bitofanoddone]

Does he often use his 'huffing and puffing' to deter you from doing things.

[BathTangle]

Oh, and he has 2 nights away on work jollies over the next 2 weeks. He did not ask my permission to go, nor has he expressed any gratitude or made arrangements about what I'm going to eat.

This is the same in my house, EXCEPT that it works for both of us!!

My DH will always (despite working 2 hours away from home) make every attempt to rearrange his work diary to facilitate my commitments (for which I do not, of course, need to ask permission). And I should add that my commitments aren't even paid work.

If he cannot re-arrange, and I say I therefore can't go to something, he will always suggest we get a babysitter, rather than me miss out on something.

I think you need to think about how (and indeed whether) your current situation works for you OP.